7 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

Grandma Pasidon says some stuff that I just have to tell people.  It's too good.  She's 85 years old, coming from an era of paranoia and gossip.  And it shows.

 

Today, she had a few interesting points to reveal.

-She thinks someone broke into her house last night (again) because cats pooped on her porch.  She got suspicious because there wasn't as much cat poop as she remembered, so surely someone stepped in it before they broke in.

 

-She believes the Wheel of Fortune is rigged in favor of black women.  After claiming they always win, she also claimed men always win.  Bad news for white women, I guess.

 

-She was telling me about some butter she had bought.  It has peanut butter in it, sugar... other things she couldn't remember.  It was a butter you can spread.  With peanut butter in it.  Just like peanut butter.

 

More true fax to come.

[Pasidon]

She told me she would never ride on a motorcycle.  I asked her, "What if it was a super wide motorcycle with four seats, and covered in a metal frame?"  She still said no.

 

She was watching Steve Harvey, so she felt free to inform me, "I made sure I never dated a black man or a china man.  I think they should date... well, you know, in their own kind."  I memorized that one word-for-word since it was so good.  Her husband fought Hitler, but it turns out her and the Fuhrer have a bit in common.

[Mathijs]

She sounds like my kind of gal.

[Pasidon]

Let's see if you keep the engagement on after this.  You folks like good, old fashion racism?  Well... ok.

 

So she was angry today for no reason, and she explained to me why.  She kept on going on about how she saw something on TV, about how black people were beginning to outnumber whites in America.  She said that "the Negroes" were just going to get up one day and just start getting rid of white people.  She even told me that there are more black doctors than ever, and that soon, they're just going to start killing off their pasty white counterparts.  I find it strange that she knows this, considering she's only been to a hospital three times in her life.

[Mathijs]

Sounds to me like she's been getting her Faux News handed to her intravenously.

[Pasidon]

That, or probably she was taking a puff of that Dr. Reverend Heggie joint.

[Mathijs]

Ah yes, good old DOCTOR Reverend Hagee. Blood moons will do that to a woman.

[Pasidon]

Dr. Reverend Heggie, CEO.