Michael Myers Island

Check this out! Beware, it's 7.5 pages long.

Anyone got any feedback

Interesting...
Although I think the phone answering machine dialog was to long

I haven't finished reading it but i probably wont reply after, but i like it so far, its a nice read.

Yeah, I turned it in, and probably tomorrow I'll find out how well I did.
But I made the phone thing long because that's how a lot of those things are. Long and annoying.

Even though you read it, the phone call is long and annoying, I think could get it more effectively if you explain or describe the person on the phone and how they feel, I think everyone knows how pain full the answering machines are so there's no point in putting the reader in that situation.

I'm looking forward to finishing it tomorrow.

It's only 7.5 pages...

It's an entertaining, fast read. Nice work--I like the idea. Here're some pointers, if you feel the need to revise it:

1) It's the twenty-ninth of January. They get to be there until the fourth of February. That's, what, six days of strange occurences and failed plots that Jane and Joe could have gone through before killing Mike. There is a lot more potential for mischief

2) It seemed a little rushed to me. I tend to do the same thing--my piece on the Sepoy Rebellion is like that. Everything can depicted better and more awe-inspiring. Everything. Of course, the other extreme is that you describe so much that you never get around to do anything, so avoid that.

3) As my seventh-grade English teacher always told us, "Said is dead." Why use 'said' when you can use uttered, mumbled, replied, screamed, orated? Sometimes, it's better not to say a speaking verb at all than to use 'said.'

4) I think happy endings are overused and blasé, but do whatever Just don't do what I usually do--get bored with the piece and not write a conclusion.

Edited by Ravnin IV, 03 February 2009 - 01:45 AM.