Guuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Japannn!
I was forced... FORCED... to sit down and watch a grown man play this game. Like a victim of a mob, who's knee caps have been shattered with a plank of fiber glass, and dragged into a pit of nightmares. Welcome to the world of HuniePop, where you're to be punished by anime. You will be forced to hit on (and I don't mean the fun kind of hitting) overly busty bints who have been paralyzed from the mouth down. The game runs at a "Ted Bundy smooth" 60 FPS, thanks to the futuristic wizardry of modern technology. And the fact that each character only has 3 frames. But if this is far too advanced for your Sony Walkman, then you're in luck, because the game was made to fit in a bulky (sturdy) 600x600 monitor from 1988.
What exactly is this game? Well, I just told you, so you asking that question was rather stupid. I was firstly disappointed since I misread the title as "HoneyPoop" , but realistically, that's exactly what I got. You flirt with a series of stereotypical clones of Hitler Youth's genome projects, who each have a different race and occupation. Lucky you! So your secret racial hatred can be just between you and Microsoft's technology spies. Your Yoda in this game is a waitress that claims to be a fairy, though the only magical thing she can seem to do is break into your home and get away with it. So you and a fairy that has her finger surgically spliced into her face, go around and hit on random women, who surely have back problems, and you go on a date with them (no matter what you say). BY PLAYING BEJEWELED. Woops... did Papa'don leave that part out? That's right... you play an enthralling game of Match 3. Whenever you match 3 or more symbols, highly advanced Lucas Arts effects bombard your date like gamma rays as she makes weird noises. It's actually really boring, but that's ok since **insert actual reason here**. And if you win at the date, you get MONEY! ... Wait... what?
So to conclude, if you don't like having fantasy sex games with Ponies, then having a fantasy sex game with high-schoolers that use awkwardly timed swear words while playing a tame version of Bejeweled might be for you. The game (en)thralls the audience by making white people really important, and by confusing you with words that don't actually exist. Like Hunie. I'm ignoring the fact Google Chrome actually knows what that word is, but not High-Schoolers. Good work, everyone.
