Death! Savage violence! Life or death situations that will keep you on the edge of your orthopedic stools! The gripping drama of the zombie apocalypse! Oh, sorry... this show has nothing to do with any of these things.
On a warm, sunny day, a dad wakes up. He fixes a sink. The day's action has concluded. Welcome to Fear the Walking Dead. A show that succeeds in doing nothing, but never fails to deliver a nice, refreshing glass of the lukewarm activities of every day urban people. When you were watching The Walking Dead, you kept asking yourself, "What was that one ordinary dad in Los Angeles doing before the undead started getting fresh with humanity's brains?" Well, here you go lore hoarders. Eat your hearts out.
What's the plot? A man and his family are on the edge of destruction because they have to face the dreaded terror of... AN INNER CITY PUBLIC SCHOOL. Where 14 year-olds get to learn about the chaos theory while gossiping on phone models that didn't actually exist in 2010. FEAR! Where the sex appeal of the show is barley old enough to ride most theme park rides. F E A R !
We also have super gender man / woman, who has the ability to hide its true gender from human eyes. It also has the ability to stutter and mumble. And do drugs. Our scrawny hero is going to be told to poop in a bucket and eat jello, and we're going to be there for every second of it. ... I think it's a man, but there's a 50% chance that I'm wrong. The only clue that I have is a receding hairline that goes so far back, it transcends time and space.
So Rick and his merry gang of whiny babies are yesterday's Walking Dead. The future is about a family of hideous inner city hooligans that forgot how facial expressions work. They want you to watch them get involved in heavy traffic, lecture on English literature, going into empty churches, and awkwardly hugging people every 5 minutes. Well... you know what? There's just one little problem that I have with all of this. ... WHERE ARE THE ZOMBIES!!!??? WHERE!? WHY DOES NOTHING HAPPEN!!!????!?!?!? WHY DID TRAVIS GO BACK TO THE CHURCH TO DO NOTHING FOR A SECOND TIME!!!!???? Nothing happened! The whole time! It was 60 minutes of dirty ugly people talking about how ordinary they are! We get it!!!!! KIRKMANNNNN!!!!!
I vote to rename this show to Fear the Talking Dad, because that's 100% more accurate to what it actually is. F E A R ! ! !
