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Rage Hammer- Batman V Superman


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#1 Pasidon

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 03:46 AM

HERE YE, HERE YE... Let's be honest. When this movie was announced a millennium ago, you were just waiting for this Rage Hammer. 

 

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Batman V Superman: The Yawn of Justice is a movie about a random assortment of different movies that connect about as well as Vine compilations.  Was it really about 2 mega heroes facing off, or was it really about Martha Kent taking out a load of trash? Let's find out as Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne attend this party. NO.. WAIT... Snyder now wants us to look at a child crying up at a window.  NO... now it's Chinese people playing chess.  No, now it's a random key in a man's basement, dreaming of being in the spoon drawer.  Is any of this making any sense yet?  No?  Well, welcome to the Batman V Superman experience.

 

Superman is a normal guy that beats people up with alien powers, and Batman is a... ok, you get this part.  Everyone knows who these two people are, and yet, Snyder felt like he had to pull up the Wiki page during the first hour of the film for us all.  But let's not forget the main reason we're all gathered around the fire today. Gotham's Dark Knight becomes the Dark Kryptonite for an evening and beats up Superman.  Well... that was 5 minutes of the film, anyway.  Zack "DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS" Snyder didn't really care about that part, so neither will we.  Let's move on.

 

Oh, you thought this was about these two knuckleheads fighting?  No, child. This... is... Sny'ta.  We get to listen to super heroes and villains quote Benjemin Franklin for about 2 hours, meanwhilst Lex Luther's clown-faced son is peeing in a mason jar 12 feet away from the President's office.  ... I swear, I did not make that last part up. 

 

Don't worry, there will be plenty more where this bag of Dullville came from.  Because the plot of this movie was to introduce THE JUSTICE LEAGUE.  That's right... there's many other Super Heroes out there that Snyder will ruin before your life is over.  Luckily, we got a sneak peak of the weirdest crotch in Hollywood: WONDER WOMAN.  She wander woman'ed her way into this film and had the audience on their feet, cheering, "SORRY, MA'AM.  I THINK YOU'RE IN THE WRONG MOVIE."  

 

Yes, this movie was about as fun as that bag of trash we got to see Martha Kent carry out.  If you wanted to hear 50,000 god metaphors while being confused on why Batman has more guns than a Southern pride convention, then you came to the right place. I give Fatman Vs. Supperman: The Dawn of Breakfast four omelets out of several thousand.  Speaking of fried eggs, Zack Snyder's wallet must have taken quite the beating from his 1 billion dollar PowerPoint presentation.  If you want to pay your respects to the end of his film career, donate now at your local cinema.



#2 TheWankBank

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 12:38 PM

It wasn't Lux Lutherrerereere.

 

It was his son, Alexander Luther, but this Rage Hammer is 99 percent agreeable.


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#3 OmegaBolt

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 01:16 PM

 


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#4 Mathijs

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 04:34 PM

Lovely Curb reference.


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#5 Pasidon

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 05:36 PM

You're joking... that actually was his son?  Ok... they did not explain who he was.  At all.  Alfred mentioned Alex Luther for a brief quiff, but they never ever explained who he was clearly.  Snyder must have been too busy cleaning his finger nails out on the 1,000,000 dollar Bat hummer they only used for one scene.

 

I'll edit the rage in light of this... disturbing?  Yea, disturbing new information.  I'll also spell Zack Snyder's name right, in fear that no one got the joke.  And yes, thank you for once again hijacking my S Ranking comedy with other people's tomfoolery, BOLT.  Or should I say... OMEGABOLT.  I should hurt you, but I fear our mothers might have the same name.  (If you saw the movie, you should be laughing at that one.  Just play it safe and do it anyway.)



#6 OmegaBolt

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 07:31 PM

I really can't be bothered hitting the new topic button myself so I just wait for you to do it.


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#7 Pasidon

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Posted 26 March 2016 - 11:38 PM

That's why Rage Hammer was founded, you know.



#8 Pasidon

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 01:58 AM

According to most, the Batman V Superman extended cut actually makes the movie coherent.  Well done to Snyder for leaving out the most crucial parts of his movie and selling them as "optional features."  

 

Also, the villain IS Lex Luthor!  Though, Snyder made the character so dysfunctional and unnaturally quirky, I don't blame anyone for getting confused.



#9 TheWankBank

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 06:12 PM

Just watched the extended cut and yes, my bad, it is LexLuthor, but I got confused since lex should be bald... so ye.

 

Wonder women looking good, and justice league is okay, not sure about Flashs character though.


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#10 Phil

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 07:53 PM

Just saw that horrible movie (extended cut) yesterday. I feel like 3 hours of my life were stolen from me.

Honestly, what a bunch of rubbish that was. The script was absolute nonsense, the storytelling wasn't even remotely plausible. Just another case of "let's put some superheroes into a fight and add lots of cheesy effects".

 

1 star from me. Utter garbage.


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#11 Pasidon

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Posted 01 August 2016 - 10:22 PM

It's really 3 hours?  Guhh... I was thinking about watching it this week, but maybe not then.  Ain't nobody got time for that.



#12 DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr

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Posted 02 August 2016 - 07:05 PM

@Pasidon: Your name is pronounced like pace-ee-dun? Pas with a hard "A", so it sounds like Pace? Letter "I"  pronounced as in "EE Right? Pace-EE-Dun? You're like a pasty-dun? Some kind of stale donut or something?

 

Instead of Passidon, as in, Pass me the DON of this glorious mafia, so I can give him some gabba gool! Heey, this guy, over here? OH! Hes alright! Heeeey, OH! PISCAPOE!! CAPEESH?

 

Your name could be like glorious Poseidon? But instead, its Passidon, which is still pretty damn glorious. But no... you haven't spelt it right... its Pasidon... thats just not nearly as glorious.

 

You should really add a second "S" to your name so that the pronunciation is guaranteed to be "Passidon". Shall you be Poseidon's secretary Passidon? Or Pasidon, a stale pastry, on Poseidon's plate.

 

WHAT WOULD THOU RATHER BE ANOINTED WITH, OH SQUIRE OF THE NORTH? CHOOSE NOW! Pacey-Don? Or Passeh-Don? LET DON JUAN KNOW IMMEDIATELY (https://en.wikipedia...ngs_of_Don_Juan)

 

GET IT DON, DON!

 

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Tahaha. Its a 1 Billion Dollar Power Point presentation. Best part of your creative writing.

 

Yeah the whole movie needs to be redone.

 

Man of Steel was cool enough, although Clark comes off as a little bitch, but that's because everyone subconsciously hates him 'cause hes not human, what with him always tripping out all over the place, hearing things from a mile away like it was right beside his ear, seeing through your pants to notice you're not wearing underwear, and getting distracted, etc. If I was superman I would have shoved a bar stool up that trucker's guy ass, and than drink all of the beer in that bar, and then banged that waitress in the clouds. Oh right, that bar scene was before superman found that scout ship in the ice, and learned how to fly and got his confidence back and shit.

 

BvS was cut down from a 4+ hour long movie story. Yeah, I'd have just redone the whole movie. More bad ASS fighting and dick moves by secret governments, and greedy corporations that fund into said secret governments pulling strings, and the banks owning everything in the process, and with the REAL Lex Luthor and not his weak little son, pulling even more strings then everybody else combined, etc., etc.

 

Here is a better script for a BvS movie:

https://www.reddit.c...ot_of_batman_v/


Edited by DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr, 02 August 2016 - 09:30 PM.


#13 TheWankBank

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 02:37 PM

You pronounce like: Pase-don


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#14 DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr

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Posted 27 August 2016 - 05:38 PM

Based on the way he has spelt his name. Pasidon is pronounced pace-ee-don.

 

Passidon is pronounced Pass-eh-don. Just gotta add one extra "S", and bon appetite! 

 

LOL, and your name? You must have a sense of humor, bro. There must be alot of wanking going on in your banking. :w00t:

 

And its pronounced perfectly! How much Wank can you Bank? The sperm bank IS your bank? lol


Edited by DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr, 27 August 2016 - 05:41 PM.


#15 Problems

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Posted 30 August 2016 - 11:09 AM

I actually paid to watch the movie, and I think it was alright.

 

Yes I bet that Martha Kent took that garbage bag filled with plot information and threw it away.

 

 

 

DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr, you looking to take a deposit?

 

Heh heh..


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#16 DoMiNaNt_HuNtEr

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Posted 30 August 2016 - 06:58 PM

@Problems: BAAHAHAHAHAHA! Finally, someone with a sense of wicked humor.

 

You mean MAKE a deposit? Or take a withdrawal? No need, I'm way more fertile than wank bank. BITCHES BE SATISFIED!






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