HERE YE, HERE YE... Let's be honest. When this movie was announced a millennium ago, you were just waiting for this Rage Hammer.
Batman V Superman: The Yawn of Justice is a movie about a random assortment of different movies that connect about as well as Vine compilations. Was it really about 2 mega heroes facing off, or was it really about Martha Kent taking out a load of trash? Let's find out as Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne attend this party. NO.. WAIT... Snyder now wants us to look at a child crying up at a window. NO... now it's Chinese people playing chess. No, now it's a random key in a man's basement, dreaming of being in the spoon drawer. Is any of this making any sense yet? No? Well, welcome to the Batman V Superman experience.
Superman is a normal guy that beats people up with alien powers, and Batman is a... ok, you get this part. Everyone knows who these two people are, and yet, Snyder felt like he had to pull up the Wiki page during the first hour of the film for us all. But let's not forget the main reason we're all gathered around the fire today. Gotham's Dark Knight becomes the Dark Kryptonite for an evening and beats up Superman. Well... that was 5 minutes of the film, anyway. Zack "DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS" Snyder didn't really care about that part, so neither will we. Let's move on.
Oh, you thought this was about these two knuckleheads fighting? No, child. This... is... Sny'ta. We get to listen to super heroes and villains quote Benjemin Franklin for about 2 hours, meanwhilst Lex Luther's clown-faced son is peeing in a mason jar 12 feet away from the President's office. ... I swear, I did not make that last part up.
Don't worry, there will be plenty more where this bag of Dullville came from. Because the plot of this movie was to introduce THE JUSTICE LEAGUE. That's right... there's many other Super Heroes out there that Snyder will ruin before your life is over. Luckily, we got a sneak peak of the weirdest crotch in Hollywood: WONDER WOMAN. She wander woman'ed her way into this film and had the audience on their feet, cheering, "SORRY, MA'AM. I THINK YOU'RE IN THE WRONG MOVIE."
Yes, this movie was about as fun as that bag of trash we got to see Martha Kent carry out. If you wanted to hear 50,000 god metaphors while being confused on why Batman has more guns than a Southern pride convention, then you came to the right place. I give Fatman Vs. Supperman: The Dawn of Breakfast four omelets out of several thousand. Speaking of fried eggs, Zack Snyder's wallet must have taken quite the beating from his 1 billion dollar PowerPoint presentation. If you want to pay your respects to the end of his film career, donate now at your local cinema.