Sorry my feedback was so delayed, but I blame you for writing so much.
You certainly beat the Star Wars standard since you managed to take your time and actually focus on making compelling scenes with more than just laser swooshing and generic explosions. On MOST occasions, I should elaborate. I can tell you played these scenes out mentally and were careful with them, and I believed you even confirmed this theory by saying you imagined a certain scene playing out like a trailer in one certain footnote. That's very notable since I think the best lessons of good mental cinematography from Star Wars movies are the trailers.
Your writing style is solidly consistent with very few grammatical errors, you have a suitable balance between action and dialogue (probably the most crucial thing I was looking out for in a Star Wars piece), and you managed to give attention to details. The major issue with the piece is that very little of it surprises. You use very commonplace metaphors and expressions, such as comparing tightly adhered things to glue, playing coy, or the typical and entirely expected stinging nostril. Also, the dialogue wasn't very interesting. Each instance was perfectly ordinary and believable, which in turn, wasn't engaging to me. The bit about "un-learning" was worth a brow raise, though. It's fitting that scenes of the Empire are very proper and anti-spontaneous, but that's why I usually don't like fan fiction since the authors usually feel forced (ha) to follow certain rules laid out by completely different authors.
To improve from here, I think you should start breaking a few of your own personal rules and adding details that are entirely fitting to your universe, yet remaining unexpected. The entire point of reading fiction is to observe unknowns and diverse perspectives, so for your next chapter, think more like a magician than a writer. Readers do enjoy being mystified once in awhile.