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#1 WritingFeline

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Posted 04 January 2020 - 12:08 PM

A new Fanfiction Forum, still as a counterpart to the Fanart Forum(http://forums.revora...0-mo30-fan-art/), as the V1 Fanfic Forum(https://forums.revor...30-fan-fiction/has long been inactive.

  

The same rules as the two aforementioned Forums, which are:

 

  1. This thread is for writing, HOWEVER, if screenshots are added for sake of the narrative or are there for illustrating the writing, similar to what is seen in Uppsala Grimdark(http://uppsalagrimdark.blogspot.com/) then screenshots are fine. Also, if you can, add music to the reading to help set the mood.
  2. If you were to translate something someone wrote elsewhere, or otherwise move their writing here, you must have proof of their permission(a screenshot is preferred) and also credit them.
  3. Nothing that wouldn't fly on a Christian Minecraft Server. No Sexually Explicit content with no pre-warning(spoiler tag), but violence, swearing and the like are allowed without need for the tag. Implied sexual content also allowed without spoiler tag.
  4. Not a rule, but if you were to write a longer piece, move it to a specialised writing site or, alternatively, put a spoiler tag and warn the reader about the length before hand.

 

 Failure to obey these rules will result in immediate termination of your family, friends, your teachers(both current and previous) and every individual you have previously interacted with for the sake of the state your post, so please, do everyone a favour and don't break the rules.

 

 With that being said, good writing Commanders!  

 

 Eagerly looking forward to what you'll come up with,

 

 Feline.


Edited by WritingFeline, 04 January 2020 - 12:12 PM.


#2 Moonreaper666

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Posted 12 January 2020 - 02:03 AM

I was thinking of doing several What-Ifs or Alternate Storylines based on the Campaign on Fanfiction:

-What if Boris and Morales recognize Yuri's agents in Archetype, forcing Epsilon to leave the Soviets much earlier? What if the Allies had access to Terror Drones and Cyborg schematics based on Volkov?

-What if the Soviets and Allies worked together and shared technology at the start of Act 2? (Both the Soviets and Foehn would have greatly benefitted from Robot Tanks)

-What if the Russians and Latinos simply DEMANDED China shared their Cyborgs and technology and then steal schematics for Cloning Vats in preparation for the Moon and liberating Russia?

-Soviet Commander leaks the info that Yuri is the one who stole Stalin's Fist and then defects to the Allies in Mission 6 along with Russian forces in America. Psychic Amplifier in Chicago is used against Epsilon while the SC becomes leader of Russia after the Premier dies. Latin Confederation, China and Pacific Front rejoins the Allies-Soviets.

#3 WritingFeline

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Posted 02 February 2020 - 11:01 AM

I was thinking of doing several What-Ifs or Alternate Storylines based on the Campaign on Fanfiction:

-What if Boris and Morales recognize Yuri's agents in Archetype, forcing Epsilon to leave the Soviets much earlier? What if the Allies had access to Terror Drones and Cyborg schematics based on Volkov?

-What if the Soviets and Allies worked together and shared technology at the start of Act 2? (Both the Soviets and Foehn would have greatly benefitted from Robot Tanks)

-What if the Russians and Latinos simply DEMANDED China shared their Cyborgs and technology and then steal schematics for Cloning Vats in preparation for the Moon and liberating Russia?

-Soviet Commander leaks the info that Yuri is the one who stole Stalin's Fist and then defects to the Allies in Mission 6 along with Russian forces in America. Psychic Amplifier in Chicago is used against Epsilon while the SC becomes leader of Russia after the Premier dies. Latin Confederation, China and Pacific Front rejoins the Allies-Soviets.

 

 Awesome ideas! Though I'll have to warn you that the latter two ideas, especially the third one, is going to take much more nuance than the first two.



#4 MusketMarine

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Posted 07 February 2020 - 09:52 AM

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

Here's a really retarded fanfiction I wrote involving a scientist who creates an AI to clone a dinosaur army to overthrow the Latin Confederation, and an excuse to mention dinosaurs and Mental Omega in the same sentence. Since it would be bloody heckin awesome to play with Dinosaurs and giant Ants in this mod!


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#5 WritingFeline

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 02:25 PM

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

Here's a really retarded fanfiction I wrote involving a scientist who creates an AI to clone a dinosaur army to overthrow the Latin Confederation, and an excuse to mention dinosaurs and Mental Omega in the same sentence. Since it would be bloody heckin awesome to play with Dinosaurs and giant Ants in this mod!

 Has a lot of potential, but there are a few flaws you can work on. 

 1. There is no character dialogue, you narrate what the characters do but we have no direct words from them, no feel of what their personalities would be like and so it makes it difficult to be invested in GRA/Boneyard who I'm under the impression is the main character of the story.

 2. You introduce quite a few different units, but we get no actual description of these domesticated Dinosaurs and enlarged Ants. From personal experience, I know, from personal experience, that a Triceratops with an angry Conscript wielding the great PPSH 41 spraying hot death is in equal measure terrifying and absolutely awesome, but some more indepth analysis of its combat abilities would be greatly beneficial to the overall story.

 3. You also don't use the cloning of the Dinosaurs to its full potential: To clone these creatures, GRA would need a surplus of DNA, i.e: Dinosaur Genes. An interesting dynamic could be created where to make new, improved units, GRA would need to raid Confederation occupied areas where necessary materials lay.

 That being said, you have quite the interesting concept on your hands, and your language use is excellent, so I suggest you continue expanding on this story because it has immense potential.



#6 MusketMarine

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Posted 12 February 2020 - 08:52 AM

 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

Here's a really retarded fanfiction I wrote involving a scientist who creates an AI to clone a dinosaur army to overthrow the Latin Confederation, and an excuse to mention dinosaurs and Mental Omega in the same sentence. Since it would be bloody heckin awesome to play with Dinosaurs and giant Ants in this mod!

 Has a lot of potential, but there are a few flaws you can work on. 

 1. There is no character dialogue, you narrate what the characters do but we have no direct words from them, no feel of what their personalities would be like and so it makes it difficult to be invested in GRA/Boneyard who I'm under the impression is the main character of the story.

 2. You introduce quite a few different units, but we get no actual description of these domesticated Dinosaurs and enlarged Ants. From personal experience, I know, from personal experience, that a Triceratops with an angry Conscript wielding the great PPSH 41 spraying hot death is in equal measure terrifying and absolutely awesome, but some more indepth analysis of its combat abilities would be greatly beneficial to the overall story.

 3. You also don't use the cloning of the Dinosaurs to its full potential: To clone these creatures, GRA would need a surplus of DNA, i.e: Dinosaur Genes. An interesting dynamic could be created where to make new, improved units, GRA would need to raid Confederation occupied areas where necessary materials lay.

 That being said, you have quite the interesting concept on your hands, and your language use is excellent, so I suggest you continue expanding on this story because it has immense potential.

 

 

I'm planning to do a more in-depth rewrite of this in the future, and i'm glad you see the potential! I will definitely be looking forward to creating some actual dialogue for the GRA, and elaborating on the unit designs, since a lot of this was typed up at roughly 3 in the morning to jot down the ideas before they were lost forever.

 

I'm definitely going to go scope out some potential raid sites for the Boneyard, and demonstrate how the Boneyard's units would combat the units of the other factions, while also demonstrating their weaknesses, in the latter portions of the story.

 

However I obviously want to keep the ending loose fitted, and not necessarily impactful towards the main story of Mental Omega, since i'm aiming to keep this as more of a side story, and as more of the tale of an underground faction, meaning I might end up retconning the whole declaration of war portion of the story. Which would mean that nobody except the Latin Confederation has a clue that the Boneyard exists, leading to very fruitful interactions between the GRA and those who have the DNA samples it so desires.

 

Stay tuned, and thank you for the feedback!

 

Edit:

I'm working on designing unit cameos and the general idea of the techtree for the faction, so I can actually get around to explaining their forces in-depth, and create some tactical immersion for the reader.

 

https://imgur.com/a/NULC14G

 

Here's a general idea of what the faction's very early game looks like. As the story develops, I will be adding more cameos and units; the subfactions will be revealed over the course of the story.

 

When every unit and structure is finally added, I will be adding unit costs, and other stats I see necessary.


Edited by MusketMarine, 13 February 2020 - 07:25 AM.

Rahncardo Milos

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#7 WritingFeline

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Posted 14 February 2020 - 02:35 PM

 

 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

Here's a really retarded fanfiction I wrote involving a scientist who creates an AI to clone a dinosaur army to overthrow the Latin Confederation, and an excuse to mention dinosaurs and Mental Omega in the same sentence. Since it would be bloody heckin awesome to play with Dinosaurs and giant Ants in this mod!

 Has a lot of potential, but there are a few flaws you can work on. 

 1. There is no character dialogue, you narrate what the characters do but we have no direct words from them, no feel of what their personalities would be like and so it makes it difficult to be invested in GRA/Boneyard who I'm under the impression is the main character of the story.

 2. You introduce quite a few different units, but we get no actual description of these domesticated Dinosaurs and enlarged Ants. From personal experience, I know, from personal experience, that a Triceratops with an angry Conscript wielding the great PPSH 41 spraying hot death is in equal measure terrifying and absolutely awesome, but some more indepth analysis of its combat abilities would be greatly beneficial to the overall story.

 3. You also don't use the cloning of the Dinosaurs to its full potential: To clone these creatures, GRA would need a surplus of DNA, i.e: Dinosaur Genes. An interesting dynamic could be created where to make new, improved units, GRA would need to raid Confederation occupied areas where necessary materials lay.

 That being said, you have quite the interesting concept on your hands, and your language use is excellent, so I suggest you continue expanding on this story because it has immense potential.

 

 

I'm planning to do a more in-depth rewrite of this in the future, and i'm glad you see the potential! I will definitely be looking forward to creating some actual dialogue for the GRA, and elaborating on the unit designs, since a lot of this was typed up at roughly 3 in the morning to jot down the ideas before they were lost forever.

 

I'm definitely going to go scope out some potential raid sites for the Boneyard, and demonstrate how the Boneyard's units would combat the units of the other factions, while also demonstrating their weaknesses, in the latter portions of the story.

 

However I obviously want to keep the ending loose fitted, and not necessarily impactful towards the main story of Mental Omega, since i'm aiming to keep this as more of a side story, and as more of the tale of an underground faction, meaning I might end up retconning the whole declaration of war portion of the story. Which would mean that nobody except the Latin Confederation has a clue that the Boneyard exists, leading to very fruitful interactions between the GRA and those who have the DNA samples it so desires.

 

Stay tuned, and thank you for the feedback!

 

Edit:

I'm working on designing unit cameos and the general idea of the techtree for the faction, so I can actually get around to explaining their forces in-depth, and create some tactical immersion for the reader.

 

https://imgur.com/a/NULC14G

 

Here's a general idea of what the faction's very early game looks like. As the story develops, I will be adding more cameos and units; the subfactions will be revealed over the course of the story.

 

When every unit and structure is finally added, I will be adding unit costs, and other stats I see necessary.

 

 Sounds good, there's a lot of potential for your story, and I'm eager to read more.

 

 Also, cool image editing, and I thought the Insurgents were captured Confederation troops, why would they be so willing to aggro hostiles knowing that death would be inevitable.



#8 MusketMarine

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Posted 14 February 2020 - 06:07 PM

 

 

 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

Here's a really retarded fanfiction I wrote involving a scientist who creates an AI to clone a dinosaur army to overthrow the Latin Confederation, and an excuse to mention dinosaurs and Mental Omega in the same sentence. Since it would be bloody heckin awesome to play with Dinosaurs and giant Ants in this mod!

 Has a lot of potential, but there are a few flaws you can work on. 

 1. There is no character dialogue, you narrate what the characters do but we have no direct words from them, no feel of what their personalities would be like and so it makes it difficult to be invested in GRA/Boneyard who I'm under the impression is the main character of the story.

 2. You introduce quite a few different units, but we get no actual description of these domesticated Dinosaurs and enlarged Ants. From personal experience, I know, from personal experience, that a Triceratops with an angry Conscript wielding the great PPSH 41 spraying hot death is in equal measure terrifying and absolutely awesome, but some more indepth analysis of its combat abilities would be greatly beneficial to the overall story.

 3. You also don't use the cloning of the Dinosaurs to its full potential: To clone these creatures, GRA would need a surplus of DNA, i.e: Dinosaur Genes. An interesting dynamic could be created where to make new, improved units, GRA would need to raid Confederation occupied areas where necessary materials lay.

 That being said, you have quite the interesting concept on your hands, and your language use is excellent, so I suggest you continue expanding on this story because it has immense potential.

 

 

I'm planning to do a more in-depth rewrite of this in the future, and i'm glad you see the potential! I will definitely be looking forward to creating some actual dialogue for the GRA, and elaborating on the unit designs, since a lot of this was typed up at roughly 3 in the morning to jot down the ideas before they were lost forever.

 

I'm definitely going to go scope out some potential raid sites for the Boneyard, and demonstrate how the Boneyard's units would combat the units of the other factions, while also demonstrating their weaknesses, in the latter portions of the story.

 

However I obviously want to keep the ending loose fitted, and not necessarily impactful towards the main story of Mental Omega, since i'm aiming to keep this as more of a side story, and as more of the tale of an underground faction, meaning I might end up retconning the whole declaration of war portion of the story. Which would mean that nobody except the Latin Confederation has a clue that the Boneyard exists, leading to very fruitful interactions between the GRA and those who have the DNA samples it so desires.

 

Stay tuned, and thank you for the feedback!

 

Edit:

I'm working on designing unit cameos and the general idea of the techtree for the faction, so I can actually get around to explaining their forces in-depth, and create some tactical immersion for the reader.

 

https://imgur.com/a/NULC14G

 

Here's a general idea of what the faction's very early game looks like. As the story develops, I will be adding more cameos and units; the subfactions will be revealed over the course of the story.

 

When every unit and structure is finally added, I will be adding unit costs, and other stats I see necessary.

 

 Sounds good, there's a lot of potential for your story, and I'm eager to read more.

 

 Also, cool image editing, and I thought the Insurgents were captured Confederation troops, why would they be so willing to aggro hostiles knowing that death would be inevitable.

 

 

In the new iteration, i'm going to be using Conscripts as the unit-type for captured troops, so that's one plot-hole down. 500 more to go

 

While Insurgents in the new iteration will more than likely be foreign volunteers, freedom fighters, and other disgruntled folk living under the current regimes in the world.

 

I'd have you guess three of the locations/countries the Insurgents come from, but that'd be moderately difficult without any context, or slightest of hints.


Rahncardo Milos

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#9 WritingFeline

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Posted 15 February 2020 - 07:59 PM

 

 

 

 

https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing

 

Here's a really retarded fanfiction I wrote involving a scientist who creates an AI to clone a dinosaur army to overthrow the Latin Confederation, and an excuse to mention dinosaurs and Mental Omega in the same sentence. Since it would be bloody heckin awesome to play with Dinosaurs and giant Ants in this mod!

 Has a lot of potential, but there are a few flaws you can work on. 

 1. There is no character dialogue, you narrate what the characters do but we have no direct words from them, no feel of what their personalities would be like and so it makes it difficult to be invested in GRA/Boneyard who I'm under the impression is the main character of the story.

 2. You introduce quite a few different units, but we get no actual description of these domesticated Dinosaurs and enlarged Ants. From personal experience, I know, from personal experience, that a Triceratops with an angry Conscript wielding the great PPSH 41 spraying hot death is in equal measure terrifying and absolutely awesome, but some more indepth analysis of its combat abilities would be greatly beneficial to the overall story.

 3. You also don't use the cloning of the Dinosaurs to its full potential: To clone these creatures, GRA would need a surplus of DNA, i.e: Dinosaur Genes. An interesting dynamic could be created where to make new, improved units, GRA would need to raid Confederation occupied areas where necessary materials lay.

 That being said, you have quite the interesting concept on your hands, and your language use is excellent, so I suggest you continue expanding on this story because it has immense potential.

 

 

I'm planning to do a more in-depth rewrite of this in the future, and i'm glad you see the potential! I will definitely be looking forward to creating some actual dialogue for the GRA, and elaborating on the unit designs, since a lot of this was typed up at roughly 3 in the morning to jot down the ideas before they were lost forever.

 

I'm definitely going to go scope out some potential raid sites for the Boneyard, and demonstrate how the Boneyard's units would combat the units of the other factions, while also demonstrating their weaknesses, in the latter portions of the story.

 

However I obviously want to keep the ending loose fitted, and not necessarily impactful towards the main story of Mental Omega, since i'm aiming to keep this as more of a side story, and as more of the tale of an underground faction, meaning I might end up retconning the whole declaration of war portion of the story. Which would mean that nobody except the Latin Confederation has a clue that the Boneyard exists, leading to very fruitful interactions between the GRA and those who have the DNA samples it so desires.

 

Stay tuned, and thank you for the feedback!

 

Edit:

I'm working on designing unit cameos and the general idea of the techtree for the faction, so I can actually get around to explaining their forces in-depth, and create some tactical immersion for the reader.

 

https://imgur.com/a/NULC14G

 

Here's a general idea of what the faction's very early game looks like. As the story develops, I will be adding more cameos and units; the subfactions will be revealed over the course of the story.

 

When every unit and structure is finally added, I will be adding unit costs, and other stats I see necessary.

 

 Sounds good, there's a lot of potential for your story, and I'm eager to read more.

 

 Also, cool image editing, and I thought the Insurgents were captured Confederation troops, why would they be so willing to aggro hostiles knowing that death would be inevitable.

 

 

In the new iteration, i'm going to be using Conscripts as the unit-type for captured troops, so that's one plot-hole down. 500 more to go

 

While Insurgents in the new iteration will more than likely be foreign volunteers, freedom fighters, and other disgruntled folk living under the current regimes in the world.

 

I'd have you guess three of the locations/countries the Insurgents come from, but that'd be moderately difficult without any context, or slightest of hints.

 

 Well, judging from your stating the events of the stories will take place in the Yucatan Peninsula, whose claim to fame is the Mayan city of Chichen Itza, I will take a stab in the dark and say they're recruiting from Mexican Cartels and Revolutionaries(just from proximity alone), remnants of the American resistance not yet pacified or joined the European Alliance, disgruntled Soviet forces from Brazil and Colombian mercenaries fresh out of jobs from the American drug trade going ded(y'know, because of the whole... World War Three thing?).


Edited by WritingFeline, 15 February 2020 - 08:00 PM.


#10 WritingFeline

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Posted 15 February 2020 - 10:45 PM

  Alright, so since I was too hyped up on caffeine to get some shut eye, I figured I would throw my hat into the ring. Fair warning, I am not a professional writer. If you would like to read something from a professional, go buy a book.


 Oh yeah, Red Alert is intellectual property of EA Studios. Mental Omega is property of the Mentalmeisters. This story is also inspired by Northfire's Fanfiction, At Mind's End(here's a link to check it out: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12385278/1/At-Mind-s-End), and will contain some characters and plot points similar to the aforementioned story. 


 Well, with that out of the way, enjoy your read!


 

Spoiler







 

 



#11 MusketMarine

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 07:40 AM

To prevent the quote chain from growing larger, i'm just not gonna quote your response this time around.

 

In the old iteration, you are right, WritingFeline, 100% correct.

 

In the new iteration, those aren't the only rebels taking arms for the Boneyard. Since this time i'm not only going to have the story take place in the Yucatan Peninsula, but the Yucatan will be still a pivotal point in the story, as it will prove to be the homebase.

 

Also i've managed to write three missions worth of content for the Boneyard's campaign, which would start at the beginning of Act One, introducing each of the resistance groups that fall under the Boneyard's future influence, before the faction comes to fruition.

 

I'll do my criticisms on your story in a bit, stay tuned!


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#12 WritingFeline

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 09:09 AM

To prevent the quote chain from growing larger, i'm just not gonna quote your response this time around.

 

In the old iteration, you are right, WritingFeline, 100% correct.

 

In the new iteration, those aren't the only rebels taking arms for the Boneyard. Since this time i'm not only going to have the story take place in the Yucatan Peninsula, but the Yucatan will be still a pivotal point in the story, as it will prove to be the homebase.

 

Also i've managed to write three missions worth of content for the Boneyard's campaign, which would start at the beginning of Act One, introducing each of the resistance groups that fall under the Boneyard's future influence, before the faction comes to fruition.

 

I'll do my criticisms on your story in a bit, stay tuned

 Okay. Keep at it then because even in Iteration 1 your story is a very fresh take on Command & Conquer.

 

 Also, Foehn-Boneyard alliance? Tyrannosaurus Rexes with a Mastodon cannon? Raptors with VHMGs? 

 

 I'm scared.

 

 Also, yesssss gimme your criticism.



#13 MusketMarine

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 09:19 AM

Fourmissions.png

 

So far i'm four missions into the rewritten story, attempting to properly line up the Boneyard's inclusion in the story, and so far I've been able to introduce 2 of 3 new sub-factions for the new faction.

 

I'm starting at Act One in the Mental Omega story, and working my way up, so that there is a proper build-up to the faction, and tons of potential playable content if I ever decided to create this as a sub-mod for MO. Since I can foresee myself doing it in the future if I am still passionate about this idea after finishing it.

 

"The Boneyard"

- Boneyard Core

- (Hint: a country the Russian Federation lost a war to, only to follow up with another war much later and reconquer it.)

- (Hint: a logistical nightmare for the Third Reich in Africa, involving Panzers. This is not a country, rather it is an armed force.)

 

And if you've figured out both of them, you get a cookie. (Also don't spell the third sub-faction the german way, spell it like how an American would spell it, and you have its actual name.)

 

They're both very interesting picks for sub-faction names, and they both play enough of an important role in the story to be deserving of their placement as the other two sub-factions, since they'd both employ interesting unit compositions. Also fun-fact, the third faction, is the only sub-faction that features a real tank unit in the faction. As the other faction features a wacky bulldozer unit, and the Boneyard Core features a Warceratops that can trample the strongest of armor pieces.

 

The Boneyard Core has two regions associated with it, obviously the Yucatan, and one i'm not telling just yet, but it's a place in Europe known for hating the British.

 

Think insurgents on that very last one.

 

(criticism will be next post of mine btw)


Edited by MusketMarine, 17 February 2020 - 09:22 AM.

Rahncardo Milos

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#14 MusketMarine

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 09:35 AM

 

To prevent the quote chain from growing larger, i'm just not gonna quote your response this time around.

 

In the old iteration, you are right, WritingFeline, 100% correct.

 

In the new iteration, those aren't the only rebels taking arms for the Boneyard. Since this time i'm not only going to have the story take place in the Yucatan Peninsula, but the Yucatan will be still a pivotal point in the story, as it will prove to be the homebase.

 

Also i've managed to write three missions worth of content for the Boneyard's campaign, which would start at the beginning of Act One, introducing each of the resistance groups that fall under the Boneyard's future influence, before the faction comes to fruition.

 

I'll do my criticisms on your story in a bit, stay tuned

 Okay. Keep at it then because even in Iteration 1 your story is a very fresh take on Command & Conquer.

 

 Also, Foehn-Boneyard alliance? Tyrannosaurus Rexes with a Mastodon cannon? Raptors with VHMGs? 

 

 I'm scared.

 

 Also, yesssss gimme your criticism.

 

 

A Foehn-Boneyard alliance is the stuff of legend, those stolen tech units are looking mighty Jurassic, and bring alot of bite!

 

Criticism Time!

 

Cheshire has cat-ears! HOW, WHAT - also really clever naming convention in that case - but still, HOW, I SMELL YURI ON THIS ONE, CHIEF.

(end of jokes)

 

I really enjoy alot of the deep-hearted relationships in this story, and they honestly make all of the characters feel really human, including the ones borrowed from the inspiration source and Mental Omega. Also the playful wording in the conversations really enhanced aforementioned deep-hearted relationships.

 

However I didn't like the fact that it was so short. But an artist can only be so artistic in one night I suppose.

 

But at times I lost track of who was talking in certain parts of the story, leading to me having to re-read the part a few times to assemble a sane image in my head. Probably my fault on my end, since i'm literally a scatter brain and socially inept.

 

That's all I can say for now on a slightly decaffeinated mind.


Edited by MusketMarine, 17 February 2020 - 09:35 AM.

Rahncardo Milos

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#15 WritingFeline

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 09:48 AM

attachicon.gif Fourmissions.png

 

So far i'm four missions into the rewritten story, attempting to properly line up the Boneyard's inclusion in the story, and so far I've been able to introduce 2 of 3 new sub-factions for the new faction.

 

I'm starting at Act One in the Mental Omega story, and working my way up, so that there is a proper build-up to the faction, and tons of potential playable content if I ever decided to create this as a sub-mod for MO. Since I can foresee myself doing it in the future if I am still passionate about this idea after finishing it.

 

"The Boneyard"

- Boneyard Core

- (Hint: a country the Russian Federation lost a war to, only to follow up with another war much later and reconquer it.)

- (Hint: a logistical nightmare for the Third Reich in Africa, involving Panzers. This is not a country, rather it is an armed force.)

 

And if you've figured out both of them, you get a cookie. (Also don't spell the third sub-faction the german way, spell it like how an American would spell it, and you have its actual name.)

 

They're both very interesting picks for sub-faction names, and they both play enough of an important role in the story to be deserving of their placement as the other two sub-factions, since they'd both employ interesting unit compositions. Also fun-fact, the third faction, is the only sub-faction that features a real tank unit in the faction. As the other faction features a wacky bulldozer unit, and the Boneyard Core features a Warceratops that can trample the strongest of armor pieces.

 

The Boneyard Core has two regions associated with it, obviously the Yucatan, and one i'm not telling just yet, but it's a place in Europe known for hating the British.

 

Think insurgents on that very last one.

 

(criticism will be next post of mine btw)

 So, Boneyard has Chechnya and Free French on its side? Wow that's actually really cool. 

 

 It also paints a larger target on it.

 

 

 

To prevent the quote chain from growing larger, i'm just not gonna quote your response this time around.

 

In the old iteration, you are right, WritingFeline, 100% correct.

 

In the new iteration, those aren't the only rebels taking arms for the Boneyard. Since this time i'm not only going to have the story take place in the Yucatan Peninsula, but the Yucatan will be still a pivotal point in the story, as it will prove to be the homebase.

 

Also i've managed to write three missions worth of content for the Boneyard's campaign, which would start at the beginning of Act One, introducing each of the resistance groups that fall under the Boneyard's future influence, before the faction comes to fruition.

 

I'll do my criticisms on your story in a bit, stay tuned

 Okay. Keep at it then because even in Iteration 1 your story is a very fresh take on Command & Conquer.

 

 Also, Foehn-Boneyard alliance? Tyrannosaurus Rexes with a Mastodon cannon? Raptors with VHMGs? 

 

 I'm scared.

 

 Also, yesssss gimme your criticism.

 

 

A Foehn-Boneyard alliance is the stuff of legend, those stolen tech units are looking mighty Jurassic, and bring alot of bite!

 

Criticism Time!

 

Cheshire has cat-ears! HOW, WHAT - also really clever naming convention in that case - but still, HOW, I SMELL YURI ON THIS ONE, CHIEF.

(end of jokes)

 

I really enjoy a lot of the deep-hearted relationships in this story, and they honestly make all of the characters feel really human, including the ones borrowed from the inspiration source and Mental Omega. Also the playful wording in the conversations really enhanced aforementioned deep-hearted relationships.

 

However I didn't like the fact that it was so short. But an artist can only be so artistic in one night I suppose.

 

But at times I lost track of who was talking in certain parts of the story, leading to me having to re-read the part a few times to assemble a sane image in my head. Probably my fault on my end, since i'm literally a scatter brain and socially inept.

 

That's all I can say for now on a slightly decaffeinated mind.

 

 All will be answered in time, Proselyte.

 

Thank you, dialogue was something I really wanted to nail and it's good to know I did good.

 

 Yeah, it's kind of short, only about 4-5 pages on Docs, I couldn't write much more because I ran out of coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 

 Needless to say, they'll be more on the way, as that's just Chapter 1. As for the confusion surrounding who was talking... Yeah I dunno how to fix that, it's a con of my style of writing I guess.

 

 Edit: I'm starting work on Chapter 2 right now.


Edited by WritingFeline, 17 February 2020 - 09:49 AM.


#16 MusketMarine

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 11:32 AM

You calling the Africa Corps the Free French gave me a devilish idea.

 

A very very devilish idea for the missions where the Scorpion Cell gets involved


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#17 WritingFeline

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Posted 17 February 2020 - 12:50 PM

You calling the Africa Corps the Free French gave me a devilish idea.

 

A very very devilish idea for the missions where the Scorpion Cell gets involved

 As long as it includes lots of explosions and giant ancient animals and insects, count me in.



#18 MusketMarine

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Posted Yesterday, 07:04 AM

I decided to take a break from writing the main story, and make some unit cameos, this time I decided to make all of the Stolen Tech units for the Boneyard, when it infiltrates another faction, and itself.

 

 

I may use one or two of these in the finale of one of the acts for the Boneyard. Since it'd be pretty cool to see a Dragon or Nightmare show up in the heat of battle to turn the tide,

 

Chrono Tank - Infiltrate an Allied MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Mammoth Tank - Infiltrate a Soviet MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Dragon - Infiltrate an Epsilon MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Sinwalker - Infiltrate a Foehn MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Nightmare - Infiltrate a Boneyard MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

 

The Chrono Tank is pioneered from allied ingenuity and the GRA's willingness to not let an idea die. It proves to be a swift pain in the ass to fight, since it can warp out of danger in the blink of an eye.

 

The Mammoth Tank is a monstrosity created from the ramparts of the Apocalypse Tank design and a Mammoth, it proves to be the Warceratops's big brother on the battlefield.

 

The Dragon is a fire breathing hell-razing hell-spawn created using Epsilon bio-engineering techniques to stitch together a dinosaur made from other dinosaurs. It lives up to the mythology of dragons, as it razes hell on the ground, and in the skies alike. Being excellent at disposing of infantry in seconds.

 

The Sinwalker is a bi-pedal walker pioneered from the logic of Foehn design, following the same principles employed by Foehn engineers, especially when designing the Cyclops and Megalodon. It serves as a robotic death unit that seeks nothing more than the demise of its enemies, as it also contains a fragment of the GRA's hatred towards the enemies of the Boneyard. Since it is rumored that Sinwalkers are merely just the avatars of the GRA's emotions on the battlefield. It brings a flamethrower and anti-air nanotechnology to the battlefield. The latter being a first for the Boneyard's forces.

 

The Nightmare was and always will be known as a horrifying accident, modeled after the Wendigo of native american mythology, it proves to live up to the title of being a hungering killing machine. In which after every kill, it regains a portion of its healthpoints, making it horrifying on the battlefield, and absolutely demoralizing to the morale of literally everyone. The GRA claims to never have made this beast, but despite these claims, it exists. Psionics and other non-conventional weapons do not harm it, as it contains an immune system that manages to fight off even a virus miraculously.

 

 

Yeah I got bored and decided to write these few knick-knacks into existence. A little bit of side-fanfiction for fanfiction.


Rahncardo Milos

Genghis Rahn


#19 MusketMarine

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Posted Yesterday, 07:10 AM

For some reason the image didn't upload with the previous post.

 

StolenTechCameos.png


Rahncardo Milos

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#20 WritingFeline

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Posted Yesterday, 08:36 AM

I decided to take a break from writing the main story, and make some unit cameos, this time I decided to make all of the Stolen Tech units for the Boneyard, when it infiltrates another faction, and itself.

 

attachicon.gif StolenTechCameos.png

 

I may use one or two of these in the finale of one of the acts for the Boneyard. Since it'd be pretty cool to see a Dragon or Nightmare show up in the heat of battle to turn the tide,

 

Chrono Tank - Infiltrate an Allied MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Mammoth Tank - Infiltrate a Soviet MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Dragon - Infiltrate an Epsilon MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Sinwalker - Infiltrate a Foehn MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

Nightmare - Infiltrate a Boneyard MCV and Tech Lab (as the Boneyard)

 

The Chrono Tank is pioneered from allied ingenuity and the GRA's willingness to not let an idea die. It proves to be a swift pain in the ass to fight, since it can warp out of danger in the blink of an eye.

 

The Mammoth Tank is a monstrosity created from the ramparts of the Apocalypse Tank design and a Mammoth, it proves to be the Warceratops's big brother on the battlefield.

 

The Dragon is a fire breathing hell-razing hell-spawn created using Epsilon bio-engineering techniques to stitch together a dinosaur made from other dinosaurs. It lives up to the mythology of dragons, as it razes hell on the ground, and in the skies alike. Being excellent at disposing of infantry in seconds.

 

The Sinwalker is a bi-pedal walker pioneered from the logic of Foehn design, following the same principles employed by Foehn engineers, especially when designing the Cyclops and Megalodon. It serves as a robotic death unit that seeks nothing more than the demise of its enemies, as it also contains a fragment of the GRA's hatred towards the enemies of the Boneyard. Since it is rumored that Sinwalkers are merely just the avatars of the GRA's emotions on the battlefield. It brings a flamethrower and anti-air nanotechnology to the battlefield. The latter being a first for the Boneyard's forces.

 

The Nightmare was and always will be known as a horrifying accident, modeled after the Wendigo of native american mythology, it proves to live up to the title of being a hungering killing machine. In which after every kill, it regains a portion of its healthpoints, making it horrifying on the battlefield, and absolutely demoralizing to the morale of literally everyone. The GRA claims to never have made this beast, but despite these claims, it exists. Psionics and other non-conventional weapons do not harm it, as it contains an immune system that manages to fight off even a virus miraculously.

 

 

Yeah I got bored and decided to write these few knick-knacks into existence. A little bit of side-fanfiction for fanfiction.

 

For some reason the image didn't upload with the previous post.

 

attachicon.gif StolenTechCameos.png

 I am both utterly terrified and extremely excited.







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