Do you live in Kokomo, Indiana? No? That's good, because the town is a wonderland of inbred nightmares - and they have a garage sale page on FaceBook. From "gently used" underwear to stuffed dogs, you never know what you'll find there. I always find it a shame that no one documents (and makes fun of) the ridiculous, strange, and stupid things that are posted there, so here's a topic for that.
The Kokomo Garage Sale Wall of Horrors
Posted 08 June 2021 - 07:02 AM
"Clementine Needs a Cuddle." Only thing that abomination needs is an exorcist. The owner apparently bought it for 109 bucks, but strangely enough, NO ONE wanted to play with it. Comes with an outfit, pacifier, and a demon's undying soul. Listed for $50.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 07:11 AM
"Trump Art Card Gnome." Part of a collection of gnomes (created by the same woman) dressed like prison inmates and holding Trump memorabilia - perhaps ironically. This gnome brings good luck and "CANNOT BE CREATED AGAIN." Is its creation bound by an ancient curse? That's lucky! It's also "non-toxic," and yet, it's holding a card with a picture of Donald Trump like a mug shot photo, so there's a bit of a discrepancy. No refunds since it was "made especially for you." Like a voodoo doll. Listed for $35.
Here's a bonus "gnome" from the same seller:
Posted 08 June 2021 - 08:00 AM
"Red, White & Boobs T-Shirt." From the creative mind of that kid who could type "8008" on his calculator in 6th grade, you can now own a shirt that loudly displays your top 3 favorite colors. What color is "boobs" you might ask? America color. Listed for 20 dollars + 5 dollars in shipping.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 08:18 AM
"Custom Father's Day Shirt." So, is that a threat to your daughter if she ever stops being beautiful? Perfect! I always wanted a way to drop hints to people about what happened to my ugly daughter the day she went missing in a fun, creative way. Ohh. Or is it threatening people who would hurt your daughter? It's really not clear, but all options are probably better left off a shirt. Listed for $20, unless you're fat, then it's $25.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 09:29 AM
"Broken TV." Literally a broken TV. The camera that took the picture doesn't look like it's got much time left either. Out of focus? Check. Layers of dust that could have been easily wiped off before the photo? Check. Unreasonable price that's probably higher than what it was worth back when it was brand new in 2001? Check. Priced at $150. No current interested buyers? Check.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 10:08 AM
"Ashton Drake Grace Doll." The perfect topper for your haunted doll collection. The owner claims that she's selling it because she "fell in love with a different doll." Ehh... I'm pretty sure I don't wanna know. Picture was also taken with a yellow horror movie filter for suspense. Listed for a whopping $105. Apparently you can put a price on love.
UPDATE: I came across Lil' Grace again today, 4 days later, and she is now listed for $130. Pretty sure that's the opposite of what you're supposed to do when no one wants to buy your spooky crap. These old women with haunted doll collections are aggressive salesmen.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 10:27 AM
"House." A 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house advertised, but the only photo is the grave of a 21 year old girl who died in 2018. No other comments, details, or descriptions. Uhhhhhhh.... I'm just gonna... umm... noo thanks?... Listed for $6000.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 07:26 PM
"Ex Mark Seat."I dunno what an ex mark is, but regardless, it looks like the rest of it didn't survive whatever apocalypse this came out of. I've seen chairs at Chernobyl in better shape than this thing. Condition is apparently "good." I guess all ex mark chairs come with streaks of dead skin and dust caked into it. More like skid mark seat. Listed for $40.
Posted 08 June 2021 - 07:45 PM
"Jiggs." Did you know all the world LOVES a clown glass figurine? No? Me neither. There are plenty of stupid, hideous glass figurines on the Kokomo Garage Sale page, but something about a radioactive yellow glass clown named JIGGS doesn't seem... like... something... anyone... would... like. Listed for $25.
Also comes in plate form so you can eat your rats and razor blades off it, or do whatever sort of deranged person activity you want with it.
Posted 09 June 2021 - 08:59 AM
"Reborn Doll." Ohh, yes. Another creepy realistic doll. I'm not sure what this thing was reborn from, but it was probably around during the biblical flood. The seller has a lot to say about this little bundle of hell. It's a "REAL reborn baby." Not one of those cheap knock-offs you see laying around everywhere. She "hasn't been played with hardly." Shocking how that keeps happening with creepy dolls. And the seller also claims to have "over 400 in her." Over 400 what? Virgin souls? Listed for a hulking $145. It's apparently a steal.
Bonus horrors from this thing:
Posted 09 June 2021 - 09:16 AM
"Blippi Look-Alike." This is Tru'viar (don't ask me how to pronounce that). He loves Blippi. Yes, I had to Google that. Pretty much just an Italian guy dressed up like a hipster. For some reason, mommy Tru'viar wants a complete stranger dressed up like Blippi, a millennial party clown, to show up at her house. She doesn't even mention what the event is or what you'll be doing. You just have to be "child-friendly." What could go wrong? "Background check will be necessary." Yes, this suburban Kokomo soccer-mom will call your meth dealers and make sure you're a reputable television personality impersonator. Something tells me not even Blippi himself would pass that background check. Listed for $50 an hour. Costume will apparently be provided. It might be a snug fit if it's the same one Tru'viar is wearing there.
Posted 09 June 2021 - 09:32 AM
"Doll Parts Assemblage Art." I'm trying not to fill this entire collection with creepy doll crap, but what the hell am I supposed to do? NOT mention this? It's a Greek plinth with doll parts on it. It's listed as "unusual" and "scary," but not even Charles Manson would put this in his house. It forgot the "dumb" and "hideous" tags. I think we've lost the plot with art here. Listed for $50.
Posted 09 June 2021 - 10:20 PM
"Reusable Drink Pouches." Who doesn't like drinking from a pouch? Get the colostomy bag experience with your favorite sayings, like "support day-drinking" or "drunk wives matter" in whacky font types. Are those actually printed on the pouches or just poorly photoshopped over them? If you drink whiskey from a pouch, you probably don't actually care. I'm not sure how reusable a thin wall of plastic is vs. a chronic alcoholic either. At least they come with finger holes. I'm also not sure what sort of needle fingers the two side holes are built around, but some brute force can fix those. Listed for $2 a pouch. If you buy 5 at $10 dollars, you get 2 free, but if you want more than 1, you have to order 15 at a time. And the shipping is $5.50 for any order(?). Sounds like someone was drunk off pouched moonshine while sorting that out.
Posted 10 June 2021 - 08:46 AM
"Jaqueline Kent Sweet Dreams Fairy Godmother Doll." Oh my god, grandma hung herself! Oh... no, it's just another stupid doll. It's described as "realistic," like that's even a quality anyone wants in a dead looking hanging grandma. She also doesn't appear to have hands. I dunno what real grandma this was based off of, but no thanks. Listed for the unreasonable price of $40, plus the randomly selected $5.98 in shipping.
Posted 10 June 2021 - 09:05 AM
"Signed Poster of Bang Energy Model Kassidy." Oh my god, grandma hung herself! Oh.... no, that's just Bang Energy model, Kassidy. ... Wait, who and what? I dunno. After several Google attempts, I've discovered that Bang Energy might be an energy drink that also sells spandex jumpsuits, or it's a porn site. Both make sense I guess, but she doesn't have an energy drink in the picture... or spandex... or is she nude. I also can't find any mention or pictures of Kassidy anywhere. I'm pretty sure that rickety old wooden fence behind her is more famous. Is Bang Energy model Kassidy not actually someone who's signature is worth anything??? We may never know. Listed for $60, but the seller sneakily mentions that you'll be paying $87 with the frame.
Posted 11 June 2021 - 01:21 AM
"Bird Seed Birdhouse." Is it a good idea? No. Is it practical? No. Does it look nice? No. Was there a point to making this? Probably not, no. If you think living in an edible house is a good idea, ask Hansel & Gretel. Listed for $8.
Posted 11 June 2021 - 01:27 AM
"Wooden Cat Footstool." It's a cat! It's a footstool! No! It's a... cutting board with a rat head glued to it? Huh. It's only described as "very unique." Sure. I guess it's not common that someone bothers to make a foot rest that looks like road kill. Listed for $20.
Posted 11 June 2021 - 02:24 AM
"Decals." Ever wanted a fun way to deliver empty threats to people driving behind you? Look no further! It doesn't matter if someone had a stroke while riding a bike, or their brakes shorted out on a school bus and lightly crashed into you - you WILL beat them. It also doesn't matter if you're traumatizing your own children as long as justice is done. Also makes a great temporary tattoo. Listed for $10, plus $2 dollars for shipping. Must be some heavy plastic stickers.
Posted 11 June 2021 - 02:48 AM
"Reborn Toddler Doll." I got excited since I thought someone was just selling their baby, but no. It's just another creepily realistic doll. No indications of it being fake. Just a perfect, identical copy of a baby. Nothing wrong with that. Anyway, just be sure to keep it chained up in your basement before you sleep. "You will love this guy!" says the seller. Well, apparently she didn't, otherwise she wouldn't be pawning it off like used jewelry. Listed for a ridiculous $200. Holy water not included.
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