142 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

"Vintage Blanket / Drying Rack."  I'm no expert, but that looks like a dog in a pool.  Listed for $10.

[Pasidon]

"Marilyn Monroe Hand Sanitizer Holder."  When you want something to hold your sanitizer, you know you want Marilyn's severed torso to get the job done right.  It looks like this seller does a wide variety of custom, useless comforts, yet she decided to showcase Marilyn Monroe with a chin-strap and a ring piercing her brain.   Don't even try and use it to hold ANYTHING else but hand sanitizer or the soul of Marilyn Monroe will turn you into a wine koozie.  Although, it's not actually demonstrating that it can even hold hand sanitizer.   Listed for $5.

[Pasidon]

"Stork Drop Babies Reborn Doll."  One soldier from the legion of reborn babies desperately clawing at your wallets.  This one was apparently dropped by a stork and knocked unconscious.  "Lovingly" painted and "artistically" designed with a "cute" outfit.  Those are some fun synonyms for "shockingly," "concerningly," and "grotesque."  "Thank you," says the seller, like looking at this thing does her a favor.  Listed for a brutal $163.

[Pasidon]

"Free Pictures of Jesus."  Nope.  Not a joke listing.  This fella' who looks like he's been sucking on a lemon for an hour wants to give you free pictures of Jesus that have been lovingly laminated in plastic wrap.  Keeps the Jesus fresh - even after messy resurrections.  Listed for FREE.  Historical accuracy not included.

[Pasidon]

"Sticker: Can I Bring my Dog?"  I dunno.  Can you?  That's right.  It's a tiny sticker that askes the question we're all not thinking about 99.999% of the time.  My sister was critically injured in a car accident and I need to visit the hospital ASAP.  "Can I bring my dog?"   Listed for $5 per sticker.  I'll be needing the "can I get a refund?" sticker for this.

[Pasidon]

"Custom."  Uhh... custom what?  What am I looking at?  What can you make more of?  Random words strung together?  The seller makes no indication what these really "clever" graphic designs are supposed to be going on - if anything.  I think someone had a big taste of that "shovell" that was forewarned.  Out of order indeed.  Listed for $20 +$5 shipping.  What are you shipping????

[Pasidon]

"Wall Décor."  Not quite Smithsonian level art.  Or even a 2nd grade level of scientific accuracy.  Will go great with your other framed ironically incorrect Urban Dictionary quips.  If you have any guests over, you might have to inform them to squint a little towards this piece.  Get ready for laughs.  Listed for $10, which is pretty much the price of the frame.  

[Pasidon]

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"76 Load Downy Frabric Softener." With the pandemic winding down, we're staring to see the doom-sayers selling off their hoarded supplies from their Cold War bunkers.  It looks like someone hoarded a bit too much fabric softener for their overalls to handle, but their loss is your Gain.  (Fabric softener joke)  Listed for $4... to get the whole collection?  A bottle?  Then you have a card in the picture that says $3.99 like there's a tax involved?  Just go to Walmart and get a bottle like a normal person.  ONE bottle, not 76.

[Pasidon]

"Reborn Baby Doll."  If you're like me, your first reaction to this was also probably, "GAHH!"  This is Shyann (Shawn?).  She's a "cuddle baby, so she has a cloth body and no limbs."  That also describes many of the godless creatures of Hell, but sure.  Out of all the creepy reborn dolls I've seen, this one actually looks like it's not even hiding the fact it will probably kill you while you're on the toilet.  Listed for a catastrophic $250.  You can buy 25 pizzas or a limbless cuddle baby with anti-Christ vibes.  Tough choice.

[Pasidon]

"Campbell's Kids Special Edition."  Always good to start your sales off with the phrase: "a little smashed."  It looks like Honey Booboo sat on it, but alright.  And what are they even supposed to be nervously looking at?  Is the set missing the persistent hillbilly father with a shotgun?  Speaking of a little smashed, how drunk off chicken & noodle whiskey was Joseph Campbell when he decided to market dolls of babies getting married?  Cute in redneck fantasy land, a little disturbing everywhere else.  Listed for $32 and $40?  I guess the price will be chosen at random.

[Pasidon]

"Hilary and Bill Clinton Masks."  Bill looks like he just saw the inside of the Arc of the Covenant.  I guess that's what being married to Hilary does to you.  Listed for $10.  Apparently there's a Hilary mask you get with this one.  I hope she doesn't look as emaciated.

[Pasidon]

"Sienna 5 Gender Reassignment Surgery."  Yes.  Someone is selling gender reassignment surgery.  No, it doesn't look like a joke listing.  Personally, I wouldn't trust surgery advertised on a garage sale page, or surgery advertised as "magic."  No Price Listed.  

[Pasidon]

"Work from Home Packer Job Listing."  Here we go.  One of the wonderful and probably dead-end Kokomo Garage Sales job listings.  You know its serious business when the rainy background and Bahnschrift Semibold font come out to play.  This job advertises an above average minimum wage pay AND a free laptop.  Why a laptop?  What kind is it?  Is it even functional?  Lots of questions that will probably have no answers until you get it half crushed in the mail.  Besides that, the biggest question I have is: how do you pack products from home?  Do they ship them to you to pack?  Doesn't that mean someone else is packing these things just for you to repack them from your futon?  I think George Jetson had a more comprehensible job than this.  Listed for $19.20 an hour.

[Pasidon]

"Decor."  It just says... 5.  And Five.  Well.  If you need a 5 somewhere, there you go.  Listed for... you guessed it... $5.  No holds, so get it before some other lucky person does.

[Pasidon]

"Vintage Doll."  When you think there aren't anymore creepy dolls left in the world, another one spawns from the pits of Abaddon.  Here's one that makes you ask: "is that racist?"  It also makes you ask: "is that condition really used - good?"  Something tells me the pitch black baby wasn't originally made with large hunks taken out of it.  Listed for $70.  "Is that reasonable?"

[Pasidon]

"ATM."  Nothing to see here.  Just a government issue ATM.  You can usually only get them from certified venders between $1200 - $3000, or apparently from some random Kokomo guy for a fraction of that.  Listed for $199.  If the seller claims this is a steal, it might be literal.

[Pasidon]

"Wood Cookies."  I hate to break the illusion of the majestic and mysterious wood cookie, but it's just a large wooden chip sliced from a branch.  They're not even cut evenly.  The seller gives random dimensions, but I'm sure those numbers are partially accurate for at least one of them.  "Great for showers."  What the hell am I supposed to do with a wood cookie in a shower?  Use it as a butt plug?  "Great for centerpieces."  Yea, right.  Unless that center is in my trash can, I wouldn't count on that.  Listed for $5 a cookie.  They have 25 available, so you'll be spending a grueling $125 for half a sliced branch.

[Pasidon]

"Navy Rose Petals."  Oh my!  An alchemist's bag FILLED with magical blue rose petals!  Oh.  No, wait.  It's a Meijer's bag with pieces of crumpled up blue paper in it.  Yet another listing of someone literally selling their trash.  Listed for $5.  If you're interested in buying a bag of trash, I've got a few as well you can have.

[Pasidon]

"Knot in Distress."  I've been trying to figure out what this is advertising, but I feel like I had a stroke and can't comprehend the English language every time I read it.  Do people commonly believe that little girl in circus tent pants is in distress?  Why is "knot" the key pun here?  What am I pre-ordering?  What's a TAT and why is it 2 weeks?  The advertised date is only 7 days.  Why is there a code and why is it SWEET??? Is this for ice cream??? Who is SEZZLE and why are they accepted?????  Are there people who aren't accepted???  Am I accepted??????  What does it MEAN??????  No price listed.

[Pasidon]

"Pool."  If you ever imagined what "pool horror" looked like, here you go.  It looks like a bloated whale corpse filled with Grinch urine.  "Kids played in twice moving don't need they have ocean to swim in I."  Yes.  Listed for $118.  No, it doesn't come with the brick.