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The Kokomo Garage Sale Wall of Horrors


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#21 Pasidon

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Posted 11 June 2021 - 11:22 PM

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"Vintage Blanket / Drying Rack."  I'm no expert, but that looks like a dog in a pool.  Listed for $10.


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#22 Pasidon

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Posted 11 June 2021 - 11:41 PM

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"Marilyn Monroe Hand Sanitizer Holder."  When you want something to hold your sanitizer, you know you want Marilyn's severed torso to get the job done right.  It looks like this seller does a wide variety of custom, useless comforts, yet she decided to showcase Marilyn Monroe with a chin-strap and a ring piercing her brain.   Don't even try and use it to hold ANYTHING else but hand sanitizer or the soul of Marilyn Monroe will turn you into a wine koozie.  Although, it's not actually demonstrating that it can even hold hand sanitizer.   Listed for $5.


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#23 Pasidon

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Posted 12 June 2021 - 12:04 AM

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"Stork Drop Babies Reborn Doll."  One soldier from the legion of reborn babies desperately clawing at your wallets.  This one was apparently dropped by a stork and knocked unconscious.  "Lovingly" painted and "artistically" designed with a "cute" outfit.  Those are some fun synonyms for "shockingly," "concerningly," and "grotesque."  "Thank you," says the seller, like looking at this thing does her a favor.  Listed for a brutal $163.


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#24 Pasidon

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Posted 12 June 2021 - 12:14 AM

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"Free Pictures of Jesus."  Nope.  Not a joke listing.  This fella' who looks like he's been sucking on a lemon for an hour wants to give you free pictures of Jesus that have been lovingly laminated in plastic wrap.  Keeps the Jesus fresh - even after messy resurrections.  Listed for FREE.  Historical accuracy not included.


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#25 Pasidon

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Posted 12 June 2021 - 12:25 AM

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"Sticker: Can I Bring my Dog?"  I dunno.  Can you?  That's right.  It's a tiny sticker that askes the question we're all not thinking about 99.999% of the time.  My sister was critically injured in a car accident and I need to visit the hospital ASAP.  "Can I bring my dog?"   Listed for $5 per sticker.  I'll be needing the "can I get a refund?" sticker for this.


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#26 Pasidon

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 09:52 AM

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"Custom."  Uhh... custom what?  What am I looking at?  What can you make more of?  Random words strung together?  The seller makes no indication what these really "clever" graphic designs are supposed to be going on - if anything.  I think someone had a big taste of that facial shovel that was forewarned.  Out of order indeed.  Listed for $20 +$5 shipping.  What are you shipping????


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#27 Pasidon

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Posted 14 June 2021 - 04:15 AM

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"Wall Décor."  Not quite Smithsonian level art.  Or even a 2nd grade level of scientific accuracy.  Will go great with your other framed ironically incorrect Urban Dictionary quips.  If you have any guests over, you might have to inform them to squint a little towards this piece.  Get ready for laughs.  Listed for $10, which is pretty much the price of the frame.  


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#28 Pasidon

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Posted 14 June 2021 - 11:38 PM

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"76 Load Downy Frabric Softener." With the pandemic winding down, we're staring to see the doom-sayers selling off their hoarded supplies from their Cold War bunkers.  It looks like someone hoarded a bit too much fabric softener for their overalls to handle, but their loss is your Gain.  (Fabric softener joke (please get it, it's really good))  Listed for $4... to get the whole collection?  A bottle?  Then you have a card in the picture that says $3.99?  Just go to Walmart and get a bottle like a normal person.  ONE bottle, not 76.


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#29 Pasidon

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Posted 15 June 2021 - 07:12 AM

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"Reborn Baby Doll."  If you're like me, your first reaction to this was also probably, "GAHH!"  This is Shyann (Shawn?).  She's a "cuddle baby, so she has a cloth body and no limbs."  That also describes many of the godless creatures of Hell, but sure.  Out of all the creepy reborn dolls I've seen, this one actually looks like it's not even hiding the fact it will probably kill you while you're on the toilet.  Listed for a catastrophic $250.  You can buy 25 pizzas or a limbless cuddle baby with anti-Christ vibes.  Tough choice.

 

Bonus horror from Shyann.  You've been warned...

 

Spoiler

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#30 Pasidon

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Posted 16 June 2021 - 07:13 AM

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"Campbell's Kids Special Edition."  Always good to start your sales off with the phrase: "a little smashed."  That's the least of this weird collection's problems.  What are they even supposed to be nervously looking at?  Is the set missing the persistent hillbilly father with the shotgun?  Speaking of a little smashed, how drunk off chicken & noodle whiskey was Joseph Campbell when he decided to market dolls of babies getting married and soup?  Cute in redneck fantasy land, a little disturbing everywhere else.  Listed for $32 and $40?  I guess the price will be chosen at random.


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#31 Pasidon

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Posted Today, 04:43 AM

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"Hilary and Bill Clinton Masks."  Bill looks like he just saw the inside of the Arc of the Covenant.  I guess that's what being married to Hilary does to you.  Listed for $10.  Apparently there's a Hilary mask you get with this one.  Can't look any worse.


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#32 Pasidon

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Posted Today, 07:06 AM

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"Sienna 5 Gender Reassignment Surgery."  Yes.  Someone is selling gender reassignment surgery.  No, it doesn't look like a joke listing.  Personally, I wouldn't trust surgery advertised on a garage sale page, or surgery advertised as "magic."  No Price Listed.  


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