Sounds like a fair bunch o tips. I'll do a (long-winded) grammar post now. Something that prolly should've been done first, but neither Blaat nor I could be bothered
So sit your asses down, class, here comes GRAMMAR.
Standard and Non-Standard GrammarIn any form of prose (ie, not poetry), the general form is to use standard grammar. There are rare occasions when non-standard might be adopted at author's discretion (usually in speech, as someone might have a particular dialect you wish to vocalise), but on the whole, the standard should be used. I can only document standard grammar here.
Sentence StructureThe typical English sentence defies the conventions set out by many other languages. Usually, it follows Subject, Verb, Object, Adverbial in ALL tenses, unlike some languages (although some deviate slightly) To make clear:
The car drives down the street quickly.
Subject = The car
Verb = drives down
Object = the street
Adverbial = quickly
The same applies in past tense:
The car drove down the street quickly.
And future:
The car will drive down the street quickly.
Every sentence must at LEAST have a subject and a verb. I won't bore you by going into the in's and out's of what a verb is (if you don't know that, you shouldn't really be attempting to write, but learn language). But the subject is the thing that is conducting the action. The object is anythingthat is having something done TO it. They can be swapped around, but this requires the swapping of other words, adding of more punctuation and a whole host of other things. You'll see more clearly if you read on that sentences can be structured a whole number of ways, but this is the standard. If you swap, you make work for yourself, but it'll certainly make your piece more interesting. People like a bit of complexity when they read.
While all this is dumbass-obvious stuff to most native speakers, other languages follow different sets of rules, and therefore this is primarily for the foreigners amongst us.
General ConventionsI'm sick and tired of writings that don't follow this standard (I myself am a bit of a grammar Nazi. I can tolerate genuine mistakes, but people who deliberately flout even the most basic rules absolutely make me livid), so here goes:
Capital Letters:
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
They must be used at the start of EVERY sentence, or for emphasis. They must also be used on proper nouns (ie, the name of a person or a place, or organisation). Eg:
Fred
Luxembourg
Alfa Romeo
Full Stops:
.
They must be used at the end of EVERY sentence. They mark a close of the sentence. Simple as that. Please, please PLEASE use these, even in forum posts. If you don't, I rather fancy I'll kick your ass. Above ALL ELSE, please ensure that your sentences are coherent. If using a pen, it's a simple dot on the page. If using a keyboard, it means moving your right index (or pinkie) 1.1 inches down from its usual typing position. Therefore it really shouldn't be too much like hard work to make it easier for yourself and everybody else to know where one sentence begins and another ends.
Commas:
,
They mark a break in a clause, perhaps to join two clauses together, or to form a list. Think of it as where you might stop for breath if you were reading it out. Simply put, it's easier than just reeling off a constant line of text without pausing for breath. Double commas can, oddly, be used to surround an adverb that is not totally necessary to the sentence. The previous sentence can easily be read without the word 'oddly'. Think of it as where you would use a different tone of voice if reading it out.
Oh, they also have a hell of a lot of use in direct speech, but I'll cover that later.
Colons:
:
Colons are used to mark a list, usually, or in the manner as I have used them through this text, to define a subheading with a clarification underneath.
Semicolons:
;
Rarely used, and even more rarely understood, the semicolon is used to join two clauses together where a conjunction could otherwise be used. Basically, if you could use 'and' there, you can use a semicolon. They are not to be confused with colons.
Apostrophes:
'
It's amazing how many people screw these up. They are used in possessives, and in where 'is' could otherwise be there. For example:
John's pen. (The pen belongs to John)
It's time to go. (It is)
That's the way! (That is)
Also, they can count as quotation marks if placed on both sides.
The exception to this rule is 'Its', which is the possessive of 'it' (that is, where the subject is not named), and does NOT have an apostrophe.
Its tail was long and slender, able to reach its mouth with ease.
If you can replace 'it' with a name, then it does not have an apostrophe. If 'it is', then you can remove the I from 'is' and give an apostrophe in its place.
There's another exception to apostrophe rules: If the word ends in 's', and you're going to make it a plural, then the apostrophe comes after the 's', and you don't add another 's'. Example:
Marcus' pen. (The pen belongs to Marcus)
Parentheses (aka brackets)
()
Placed around a clause that clarifies, but does is not totally necessary (that is to say, the sentence could easily be read without it). ALWAYS PLACE THE FULL STOP AFTER THE END-PARENTHESIS, in order to clarify that the bracketed clause relates to the sentence before it, and not the sentence after it.
Trailing Dots:
...
NEVER DO MORE THAN THREE. And don't do them every other sentence, otherwise it sounds like you don't know what you're talking about... Their use is to show that a sentence or speech is concluding when there is still more to be said (but you aren't saying it for a reason...eg, if your character is being evasive, or if you want to keep the reader hanging on your words). If overused, it not only gets very annoying, but you look retarded. So don't do it.
Exclamatives:
!
Exclamation marks show surprise or shock, or are used for emphasis of a particular point. To use them every other sentence is extremely annoying (as is using more than one at a time)!
Interrogatives:
?
The humble question mark is often forgotten. If your sentence is intended to await an answer (or is a rhetorical question), put one on the end. Is that too much to ask?
Quotation (aka Speech) Marks:
"" or ''
To be used in all direct speech.
"Where did you go?" Paul asked.
"Nowhere," Anne replied, "I've been here all along."
A comma ALWAYS comes before the final quotation mark, unless a question is being asked, an exclamative is being used, or it's AFTER the speaker has been identified. As a sidenote, the second section of speech in Anne's reply has only been capitalised because I is a proper noun. Take the next example:
"Where is she?" Paul asked.
"I'm right here, silly," Anne replied, "where did you think I was?"
Note that 'where' has not been capitalised.
Asterisks:
*
Contrary to their usual Internet-related use regarding actions in chat-rooms and as a substitute to the multiplication symbol, the asterisk is properly used to refer to text elsewhere in a document. The number of asterisks always matches up. For example, if there are TWO asterisks together, be on the look-out for two asterisks later, as the two will be related. Usually, the clarification (the reason for the asterisk being there in the first place) will be at the bottom of the page.
Dashes:
\ /
As far as I know, there's no difference between the two in regular English (although Linux and the Internet use / as a path indicator, while Windows uses \ to be awkward), but they are used mostly where two interchangeable words can be put in the same place, and/or a form is being created where the form filler must delete as appropriate.
Hyphens:
-
Used where two words are conjoined, but not always. Some words can be bolted together wholly and as such don't require hyphenation. If the two words stand independently, you can be forgiven for hyphenating. On the whole, they aren't totally necessary, but they can be used if you want to make it easier on the eye.
Direct and Indirect SpeechBored yet? You will be.
Direct speech is speech inside quotation marks. The most common sort of written speech you will see. A rule with it is that when a new speaker begins to speak, you move to a new line. It just makes it easier to know who's speaking.
"Where is she?" Paul asked.
"I'm right here, silly," Anne replied, "where did you think I was?"
Anne's second clause was not moved down a line because it's still Anne speaking.
Incidentally, you can leave the speaker unnamed if nobody new has entered the conversation. Observe:
"Where is she?" Paul asked.
"I'm right here, silly," Anne replied, "where did you think I was?"
"Sorry, I thought you'd gone and left me."
You can easily surmise that it's Paul speaking again. There's no need to say 'Paul said' again. Since nobody new has entered the conversation, there's no need to say anyone else. Also, since you know that a new line denotes a new speaker, you know it's not Anne speaking.
Indirect speech is rarely used, but can be used in the same context, but only if you don't want to put much emphasis on the conversation. Observe:
Paul asked where she was. Anne, hearing this, giggled and said, "I'm right here, silly, where did you think I was?" Upon hearing this, Paul promptly apologised, explaining that he thought she'd gone and left him.
CRAZY stuff, there, eh? The direct speech is needed to prevent it sounding totally retarded. However notice that she hasn't been moved onto a new line. The emphasis is on her speech, and Paul's words are just a sidenote, but they were nevertheless said. However, it's the same conversation as the previous direct speech example. They can be used if you need to put emphasis on one speaker, or if you just wanna move it along.
The oft-confused wordsWhere, Were and Wear:
Where refers to a place, eg, 'Where are they?'
Were is a past-tense verb, eg, 'They were over there.'
Wear is a present-tense verb, eg, 'I wear jeans a lot.'
Effect and Affect:
Effect is the subject form: 'I had a big effect on him.'
Affect is the verb form: 'He was greatly affected by me.'
The two cannot be swapped. You cannot 'effect' someone, and you cannot have an 'affect' on someone.
There, Their and They're:
There refers to a place: 'He's over there!'
Their is a plural possessive (ie, owned by more than one person): 'It's their car.'
They're is a shortened version of 'They are': 'They're in a car!'
Not and Knot:
Not is a negative: 'He's not there.'
Knot is a noun, usually meaning either something tied in rope, or a blemish or flaw in wood: 'Tie that knot.'
You're and Your:
Not mentioning 'Yore', which is a folklore-ish word I know fuck all about
:
You're is a shortening of 'you are': 'You're an idiot.'
Your is a possessive, meaning it belongs to you: 'That's your phone.'
InstructionsUnlike many things, instructions usually begin with the verb. In the sentence show before, 'Tie that knot', the 'subject-verb-object' rule doesn't apply, as it is a command. The infinitive is used ('tie', as opposed to 'tied' or 'tying'), and then goes on to say what is to be subjected to the tying. In this case, 'that knot'. Confusing, but common knowledge.
[b]Starting sentences with 'And', 'But', 'Because' or 'So'[/i]
Generally frowned-upon by English teachers, I used to do it as often as I could just to piss them off. The only real time this should be done is if you want to sound harsh, abrasive, or hammer a point home. Why does this work? Because people don't actually expect it. And your deviation from the standard comes as a bit of a shock, therefore it catches attention. But don't do it all the time, as it grates on the mind, and gets annoying. Technically, these words are conjunctions, and using them as a sentence-start disrupts the flow. It makes the sentence harsh and abrasive or important. Any conjunction falls into this. So try and avoid doing it, unless you're making a very serious point.
Because otherwise, people will think you're a bit weird
I think that's enough for today. My head hurts too...but you need to know to do all these things. I found it hard to write this post, as I'm so used to following the rules that I do it without thinking. I actually had to make note of everything I was doing.
Best bet is to follow the examples' example.
But please, do try and follow the rules. There's nothing that makes me want to press the little red X in the corner of the screen more than bad grammar.
Thanks for reading.
Edited by Comrade Jerkov, 19 October 2005 - 04:03 PM.
