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The Joke Thread


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#21 Hostile

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:09 PM

I can't see in Hostile's polish jokes too ,so I countered to it  :rolleyes:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ok, I'm first german American so I'll have to joke about myself tyo understand It's only a joke.


What's green, sticky, and flies over Germany?


























The Snotzies... :p

#22 Calamity_Jones

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:10 PM

give a definition of frustration:


















A one-armed irish man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls :p



A piece of tarmac walks into a bar and says to the barkeep "a pint please"

but the barkeep ignores him

he gets frustrated after a while..

"hey barkeep, a pint please!"

again, he is ignored

a few minutes later another piece of tarmac walks into the bar and the barkeep instantly moves up to him and asks what he wants.

Understandably the first piece of tarmac is distressed at this

"Hey, barkeep! I've been waiting here for ages and haven't been served, yet he walks in and you serve him right away!"

"Aye, but he's a cycle-path sir"

:p








...sorry:P
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#23 Hostile

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:11 PM

How many American can you fit in the gym?
























None, they won't fit throught the door!

#24 Calamity_Jones

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:12 PM

howe do you confuse an irishman?



















tell him to sit in the corner of a barrel :p
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#25 Guest_ImmoMan_*

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:16 PM

Damn, I've been looking for half an hour before I figured it out!

#26 Mastermind

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:21 PM

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
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Well, when it comes to writing an expository essay about counter-insurgent tactics, I'm of the old school. First you tell them how you're going to kill them. Then you kill them. Then you tell them how you just killed them.

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#27 Hostile

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:26 PM

Man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'll bet you $50 I can piss from one end of the bar to the other into a shot glass"

Bartender says, "Yeah right, you're on"

Guy pisses all over the bar, not even close... bartender laughs his ass off says, "Easiest $50 I ever made"

This goes on two more each times, each time he bets $75, then $100. Loses everytime and pisses all over the bar.

Bartender asks, " Why do you keep betting and throwing you're money away?"

Guy says, "Cause I bet the guy at the end of the bar $500 I could piss all over the bar and you'd laugh about it."

#28 Guest_ImmoMan_*

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:44 PM

A man walks into a bar, and says 'ouch'.

#29 FK47

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 11:23 PM

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

:p

#30 Hostile

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 09:48 PM

What's better than roses on your piano?














(Tulips) Two lips on my organ. :huh:

#31 Ash

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Posted 14 May 2005 - 02:13 PM

Paddy and Murphy in the jungle.

Paddy throws a stone at a tiger.

Paddy: Run! Murphy, Run!

Murphy: Why? I didn't throw it...



Paddy and Murphy walking down the street.

Paddy falls down a hole.

Murphy: Is it dark down there?

Paddy: I don't know. I can't see.

#32 AdmiralGT

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Posted 15 May 2005 - 09:56 PM

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

#33 Hostile

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Posted 15 May 2005 - 11:30 PM

That's just the bomb. yikes. Too funny. :)

#34 Ash

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Posted 16 May 2005 - 09:26 AM

:) :) Omg...that is one of the sickest jokes ive heard in a very long time...

#35 Az3r^

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Posted 16 May 2005 - 10:21 AM

thats quality
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#36 AdmiralGT

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Posted 16 May 2005 - 10:41 AM

So
Little Billy went off to join the army; unfortunately for him defence cuts had left the army short of equipment.

So Billy, like the other new recruits is given no uniform and so they stand on the parade ground in their undies as the Sg Major inspects them all pulling them up for not shining their non-existent shoes and buttons.

Next day was bayonet training and as all the recruits stood there with no guns in hand they were told to run forward and stab the sack. After a few failed attempts the instructor showed them how it was done, he ran towards the sack, no gun in hand and thrusted towards the sack going ‘stabity stab, stabity stab’. The recruits looked bemused. He then ordered them to do the same. So off goes little Billy towards the sack empty handed.

Satbity stab,, stabity stab he screams

‘Top job Pvt Billy’ yells the Sg Major ‘you’re a born killer son’

Next day is target practice all the recruits turn up in their underwear with no guns and are told to take up positions so they can show off their shooting skills. Again the new recruits looked confused so the instructor showed them how it was done, he extended his arm closed one eye and went ‘bangity bang’ he reloaded and went ‘bangity bang’ again

‘Right’ he yells ‘that’s how it’s done now you do it’

Billy extends one arm closes one eye and shouts out ‘Bangity bang’ he reloads and ‘bangity bangs’ again.

‘My God Billy’ yells the Major; you’re the best shot I’ve even seen, you’re a natural son’

Then disaster struck, war was declared and Billy and all the other new recruits were sent of to the front.
So Billy found himself in his undies on the front line. The battle started and Billy was slaying them left right and centre Stabity stab here and bangity bang there, the enemy was falling like skittles under Little Billy’s Bangity bangs and stabity stabs.

Billy turned and caught sight of a huge German slowly walking towards him. Billy took aim ‘Bangity bang’ Nothing, the German kept moving, Billy tried again Bangity bang, still the German kept coming. Billy started to panic the German was only 3 feet away and so Billy thrust forward Stabity stab, again nothing happened stabity stab went Billy still the German kept coming. And this is were our story of Little Billy ends killed by a German in his undies going ‘tankity tank, tankity tank

#37 Guest_ImmoMan_*

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Posted 16 May 2005 - 02:58 PM

ROFL!! That one's great! :)

#38 Shine On

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Posted 16 May 2005 - 03:06 PM

A bit of a sick joke but i thought i'd share it:

What's Green and goes red at a flick of a switch?



















































A Frog in a blender :)
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#39 Ash

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Posted 17 May 2005 - 09:34 AM

LOL @ Admiral GT's joke! :p


Why do most guys give names to their dongles?



They don't want strangers making most of their decisions.

#40 chemical ali

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Posted 17 May 2005 - 12:03 PM

what do you call a welshman with two sheep under his arms?
















pimp :p
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