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Thing I've been working on


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#1 Vortigern

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Posted 06 May 2008 - 03:11 PM

I came up with this idea a fair while ago, and have only recently got around to writing it down. Tell me what you think, anyone and everyone.

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Terra, 2214. Over two hundred years before, while the majority of people referred to the planet as Earth, someone hypothesised that man would split into two different breeds, a senior, taller version, and a shorter, stubbier, less intellectually developed variety. Some at the time dismissed it as a comment on a social phenomenon that was emerging, while others believed it to be mere nonsense. Others still looked back to science-fiction works of the earlier Twentieth Century, specifically those of Aldous Huxley, revered author and wordsmith. If a man could predict something similar emerging in 1932, why had it taken so long for a scientist, an anthropologist, a student of humanity, to come to a solution not dissimilar, if somewhat simplified? The answer lay in the technology available.

In 2031, a British scientist of undisclosed ethnic origin developed the technology to splice together genes from different humans, and to join them with the existing genes. For years chemists had been extracting genes and placing them in bacteria to generate whatever substance, whatever chemical they needed, but it was only now that the ability had developed enough to allow the placement of these extricated genes in humans.

Very soon the idea went commercial, and the concept of designer children emerged. Hollywood was quickly swarming with almost identical youths, blond-haired, blue-eyed, perfect bone structures, light high cheekbones, well built, smooth tanned complexions, not dark, but not pale. Pale was unfashionable at the time, and everyone knew white people would still get the best parts. Nobody liked casting black people. The irony was that, two hundred years in the future, nobody gave a damn what colour a man’s skin was. It was the genetics that made the difference. The only feature that remained unaffected by genetic engineering was the mind. Mental illnesses and deficiencies were ironed out, and selective breeding led to a high general intelligence level, but personality and basic intelligence quotient were something that no amount of experimentation and advanced technology appeared able to predict and direct.

Nobody is certain when it became clear that a social divide had emerged between those born from a test tube in a cosmetic surgeon’s laboratory and those born as nature intended. What is certain is that by the end of the 22nd Century the Superiors, as they pretentiously named themselves, had enclosed themselves within the walls of the Forbidden City, as the sprawling metropolis became known to everyone not allowed on the inside. The whole complex, the Forbidden City and the world of the Naturals, was imaginatively named Metropolis City; in the days before the division. This was one of the manifold reasons for the Naturals, as they named themselves, to hold the Superiors in contempt. The City was also why the Superiors held the Naturals in a likewise degree of contempt. Those outside were clearly deprived, savage beings, barely worth being called human, dwelling in slums and shacks with food that came from the ground, of all places! In the City, food came from the synthesisers, and everything was recycled. Nothing could be spared.

The only problem with the theory put forward back at the start of the 21st Century was that the shorter brand of human refused to become subservient to the taller. The Superiors, the taller only because it was fashionable to be tall, dark and handsome, had tried to ‘domesticate’ the Naturals, but human nature had prevailed; those who allowed themselves to be made subservient were left to rot by their Natural compadres, and those who made it back to freedom became ever more disillusioned with the régime. It was thought to be one of these escapees who founded the first Liberation Front, a band of guerrillas dedicated to fighting their way into the Forbidden City, and then bringing down the Superiors. Of course, they failed drastically, but other Naturals have taken up the reins since then. Collectively they have become known as the Liberators, and are guaranteed safe passage through anywhere outside the City, and likely to be hailed wherever they tread. The near-hallowed status of the Liberators has led to more problems than it has solved; though the Liberators are seen by the masses as a necessary force to combat the Superiors, a certain brand of arrogance tends to come into the manner of all but the most humble Liberator; this arrogance leads many to resent the presence of the aforementioned freedom fighters. While it is an obviously very human trait to consider oneself above others, this is a degree of nature that the Naturals can do without.

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Comments, anyone?

P.S. There is a fair bit more, but I figured I'd start with just the intro and see how much it gets ripped into before I unveil the rest.
I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#2 Berto916

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 03:13 AM

i kinda like it

#3 Vortigern

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 07:23 PM

Wow, a reply! Thank you, Breaking Benjamin fan! I strongly approve of your taste. :thumbsupdrool:

Now all that is required is someone else to notice this and tell me it's worth having written and I might put up some more. :D Or write some more, actually.... Damn, work.
I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#4 Mathijs

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 09:45 PM

It's good as it is, but I don't like summaries too much. Zoom in, please. :p

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#5 Vortigern

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Posted 03 September 2008 - 10:57 PM

I will do. I just generally start with a summary of the world or place of whatever form and then move on from there, sometimes smoothly, sometimes not so smoothly, into the story. I'll get the next bit up reasonably soon if I remember.
I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#6 Jeeves

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 01:29 AM

Then the good citizens of Rapture turn divide into Ryans Splicers and Atlas's rebels?

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#7 Vortigern

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Posted 04 September 2008 - 04:51 PM

I don't get it.... Is there something else written along exactly the same lines? If so, damn. :p What is it?
I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.




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