1312 replies to this topic

[Vithar-133]

Granted, but you do it so well that when you and a friend were wrestling, you did it, and somehow killed him.


I wish to lead a perfectly normal life where nothing untoward happens to me and I get everything I want.
life full of adventure and learning.


Somehow, this just isn't my style....

Edited by Vithar Megilaglar, 06 May 2009 - 03:02 AM.

[segwayrulz]

granted, but your adventures and discoveries are forgotten making your life worth nothing in the history books


I wish more people joined revora

[Allathar]

Granted. Unfortunately, your recruitment efforts attract a pack of migrating 31337-n00bs, making every sane and/or cool person abandon Revora.

I wish I could look into the future and use the knowledge gained from it for my own advantages.

[Vithar-133]

Granted, but such knowledge comes at a price. While attempting to further your own ends, you kill a leader, take their position and then begin killing all of you friends who might know what you did. Eventually, relatives of the leader lead a massive revolt that ends, tragically, in your death.

I wish that I could control the flow of chi.

[Pasidon]

I will grant this one as long as chi is a hip term for urine.

I wish I wasn't obsessed with the sound of liquid cheese swishing around in broken liquor bottles.

[Copaman]

Granted. Now you're obsessed with the sound of your own blood swishing around in broken liquor bottles, and go to any means in order to hear that sound. You proceed to cut your heart out of your chest with a grapefruit spoon.

I wish I had a DigiTech Whammy IV pedal.

[Puppeteer]

Granted, but whenever you use it the pedal emits a piercing shriek, rendering you deaf to everything except for the piercing shriek.

I wish I could have a superpower.

[Black Temple Gaurdian]

Granted. Unfortunately it's the ability to have every allergy when anyone looks at you.

I wish that the Stargate universe was real and I am an ascend being that is allowed to interfere.

Edited by Black Temple Gaurdian, 07 May 2009 - 09:06 PM.

[Allathar]

Granted. Unfortunately, that allowance is only temporarily, and by a majority vote of the Others you're cast halfway down, leaving you as an energy being trapped in limbo like Anubis. Sorry kid, the writers can't make you too powerful

I wish this wish didn't backfire.

[Black Temple Gaurdian]

Granted, it front fires sending you backwards out of a window looking down upon that ten storey drop.

I wish this girl didn't say no.

[Vortigern]

Granted, she said "Seriously? Shit, man, this was not what I thought," instead. Same problem, unfortunately, but she didn't say no.

I wish I had a pizza.

[Rafv Nin IV]

Granted. Even better, it's absolutely loaded with meat and cheese. It's the greatest carnivore's pizza you've ever seen. Unfortunately, the masses of tomato sauce cause the toppings to lose traction with the bread base, and all that meat and cheese tragically falls to the ground.

I wish I didn't have to take driver's ed.

[Vithar-133]

Granted, but a secret emitter in your ground vehicle of choice sends out a warning to other drivers that you are about to hit the road, and that clearing the road is highly suggested.

I wish I was more social apt.

[Copaman]

Assuming you mean socially, granted. You become the life of every party - for like two weeks. Then everyone finds out that you're not nearly as cool as you wished to be, and you're left wanting another wish. I only grant one wish per month. Next month is looking pretty booked. So is every other month for the next millennium. Sorry.

I wish for 5's on both of my AP exams.

Edited by Copaman, 08 May 2009 - 12:54 AM.

[Pasidon]

Absolutely, granted. A 5 will be randomly placed on each AP exam. I may even grant a 7 or two.

I wish Scientologists were required to wear funny hats.

[True Lord of Chaos]

Granted, and if you mean scientists, no one believes them, and we're in the Dark Ages forever.

I wish I wasn't inept when it comes to women.

[Pasidon]

Oh no, Scientologists, as in the religious fanatics who believe in aliens and whatnot. But true... no one believes their crap anyway.

Anywho... Granted. Now whenever a woman sees you, she will spontaneously combust.

I wish cancer was caused by Facebook.

[Vortigern]

Granted, but the system takes a while to set up Facebook cancer so nothing happens for a while, and in the meantime you finally give in to peer pressure and get a Facebook account, eventually causing yourself to get cancer too. Also, you wipe out the vast majority of the Western world, leaving Earth with the Chinese and a bunch of AIDS-ridden African nations. Nice one.

By the way, scientologists don't actually believe in aliens. That's all a myth, as I discovered when I questioned a bunch of genuine scientologists about it. What they really believe is essentially alternative psychiatry made into a religion. From reading 'Dianetics', their core text, you get the strong impression that L. Ron Hubbard, the founder, wanted nothing more than to be a psychiatrist when he was younger, but got rejected because he had gross misshapen yellow teeth and was ginger.

[Copaman]

Granted. L. Ron Hubbard has his history changed and WAS now a psychiatrist when he was younger. Unfortunately, your lack of a wish fucks up the space-time continuum and you fall into a tear in the fabric of the universe, which leads to God's belly button. Congratulations, you just became belly button lint on a deity which doesn't seem to care.

I wish my car didn't have a problem with its engine which I know about but do not know what it is, and is still totally usable and not fucked up in any way after this wish.

BTW, Pasidon, you do know that a 5 is full credit on the APs?

[Vortigern]

Granted, the engine is fine but while you were busy fixing that a very sneaky and very clever man snuck up and stole the wheels. Your car is propped up on bricks, but the engine's fine. The guy also stole your wallet while you were under the car, and broke into your house and took everything of value, killing your family in the process.

Oops, I was so busy trying to get people to hate scientology properly that I forgot to make a wish. Well:

I wish I hadn't gone for a curry tonight. Bad move.