7 replies to this topic

[Elvenlord]

Right, so here are two poems I've written over the past couple years. Not terribly proud of them, so some help would be nice, but don't kill me, I know I can't write well

-Calling-

White gulls
Calling
White shores
Crashing

Calling me
White gulls
White shores
Calling me

Home

This one I wrote last summer, while standing on the pier, gazing upon the Sea.

-Hope-

Broken dreams
Broken hearts
Endless pain
Is all they can see

Fighting to keep afloat
Many give in
For the encroaching darkness
Seems forever firm

Hope is lost
They cannot see the light
Their hearts have surrendered
Their dreams shattered

They are not lost
Reach with a helping hand
Help them see
All is not lost

Help them regain
All they have lost
Repair dreams
Restore hope

Befriend them
For with undying friendship
There is no loss
For all is possible

This one..... oh man, this one. Took me forever to write, never really got the wording right. Strayed so far from it's orginal purpose too

[Mathijs]

That's why I never keep a purpose in mind, I just write as I go.

They are both really good though, you achieve a lot with few words. I can't do that, not at all. Good job.

[Elvenlord]

Wow, that means alot coming from you Matias. Thanks so much
Funny thing is, I run into trouble trying to use more words

Edited by Elvenlord, 29 September 2008 - 08:33 PM.

[Mathijs]

Don't worry about that, it's fine as it is. If you insist on using more though, try describing the feeling you get in prose, then chop that prose up and present it as poetry. That's what I do, write a lot of incoherent prose about some idea, feeling or whatever's on my mind, and then chop it up.

[Elvenlord]

Not for poems, I meant for essays and an occasionals short story I'll write down
But that sounds interesting, I'll give it a shot sometime

[Mathijs]

Oh, I see... well I'm not sure what kind of advice to give you then, because I have a tendency to be rather long-winded about trivial subjects in my own stories.

[Vortigern]

There's nothing wrong with that, it's just part of your style. I tend to get carried away with descriptions, especially of political systems. For some reason politics and religion in fictional situations are one of the most interesting things I can imagine.

Elvenlord, I would offer you some advice on poetry, but I'm afraid I'm actually terrible at it. My poetry tends to be carefully considered about a particular subject. I surmise this comes from my early exposure to Byron, Tennyson and the Greek poets. The best poem I ever wrote (taking age into account) was about the Hundred Years War. That's about as far as I can help. It might work differently for you, but I find it best to know exactly what you want from a poem, but then see where the tale you tell leads you as well. Poetry is about opinions and emotions, and your writing will probably lead you in the right direction, as far as that's concerned.

[Elvenlord]

Since I got such a good response, I thought I'd post this one up as well. I just experianced a heartbreak, and this was my response to it.

Everything seems fine
Everything seems right
When all your dreams
Continue to endure

What happens when
Security disappears
Despite all the odds
You're left alone

All shall fade
Your hopes
Your dreams
None will last

Your love
Your life
Everything is dust
Before the wind

What happens when everything.....

Fades

Edited by Elvenlord, 05 October 2008 - 10:59 PM.