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#1 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 26 April 2009 - 05:15 AM

Post your jokes here.
No smutty jokes though,there are sensitive people around.
Post the jokes in Quote tags.


I'll start with a couple of my favourites
I love these sort of jokes.


What's green and Brown and if it falls from a tree it can kill you?

A Pool Table


What's big and grey and stands in a field?

A filing cabinet


What's big and white and if it falls from a tree it can kill you?

A Pool table disguised as a fridge.


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#2 Vortigern

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Posted 26 April 2009 - 10:14 AM

What's big and green and can't fly?



A field.


I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#3 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 02:40 PM

I have a joke I used to tell when I was a kid.

Knock Knock...
Who's there?
Knock Knock
Who's there?

Repeat till they snap or lose interest always cracks me up and still does ;)


Another joke I liked growing up I hope I get it right.
This is the compressed version.

3 men in a plane,the Plane starts to have problems,they must lose some weight or the plane will crash so each of the men choose to throw something out.

The first me throws a Bike out of the Plane
The Second throws a Typewriter out
And the third throws a Bomb.

Down on the ground a man walks down the street and sees a little Girl crying he asks
"why are you crying little girl?"
She says "I was just standing here when a Bike fell out of the sky and hit me on my head"
He walks on and sees a Second girl crying he ask
"why are you crying little girl?"
She responds "I was just playing when this Typewriter fell from the sky and hit me on the head"
He walks on a sees a little boy laughing he asks
"Why are you laughing little boy?"
"Because I just farted and the house next door blew up"

I love that joke :p

Edited by Radspakr, 27 April 2009 - 02:40 PM.

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#4 Mathijs

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 04:00 PM

What's big and green and can't fly?



A field.

Yes! Anti-jokes!

What's worse then having an empty fridge?

The Holocaust.


No fuel left for the pilgrims


#5 Bart

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 04:08 PM

A farmer is standing on the riverside. With him are a wolf, a goat and a cabbage. He needs to get them and himself all across the river, using a boat.

However, he can only take one of them at a time, and if left alone, the goat will eat the cabbage, and get eaten by the wolf.

How can he solve this?


Spoiler

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#6 Rafv Nin IV

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 05:04 PM

That's not funny. Did you mean to post that in the riddles section?

EDIT: How did you do the black box thing?

Edited by Rafv Nin IV, 27 April 2009 - 05:05 PM.

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#7 Allathar

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 05:07 PM

I know, this thread needs some Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day God rested... Chuck Norris took over.

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris does not need spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 0,99 every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.


Edited by Allathar, 27 April 2009 - 05:10 PM.

It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren't being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP

#8 Mathijs

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 05:18 PM

Good job ruining a thread there bro.

I haaaate Chuck Norris jokes.

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#9 Lurtzy

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 06:48 PM

I agree......

Trying to hold on...


#10 Allathar

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 06:51 PM

Well, don't exaggerate gentlemen. Sure, you can dislike Chuck Norris jokes, but that doesn't mean Chuck Norris can ruin the thread.
It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren't being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP

#11 Vortigern

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 07:00 PM

There are a few good Chuck Norris/Vin Diesel jokes out there. They mostly overlap. Here's one of my favourites, though:

There's no I in team. There are two I's in Vin Diesel. Bring it on, team.


Also, back to the whole anti-jokes theme:

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?





Getting raped.


I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#12 Rafv Nin IV

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Posted 27 April 2009 - 10:36 PM

Theology is like a blind man, searching in a dark room, for a cat that isn't there--and finding it.

Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Religion is like dandruff. Most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it, and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.

Edited by Rafv Nin IV, 27 April 2009 - 10:36 PM.

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#13 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:21 AM

I love Chuck Norris/Mr T/Vin Deisel jokes.

I have another I came up with when I was younger and I still find funny but be warned when using it.

I know a big stupid joke... you


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#14 Devon

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:27 AM

That's not funny. Did you mean to post that in the riddles section?

EDIT: How did you do the black box thing?




put spoiler in the [ ]s


None of these are funny, except the anti-jokes :blink:

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#15 Mathijs

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:40 AM

So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."


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#16 Devon

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:48 AM

A frenchman stops smoking.

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#17 Mathijs

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:51 AM

Not bad. :blink:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He didn't. He got hit by a bus.

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#18 Vortigern

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 08:45 AM

Hey, are dead baby jokes still funny? I hesitate to post them up in case people get horribly offended, but I know some great ones. :blink:
I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#19 Mathijs

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:11 PM

How did the dead baby cross the road?

He was nailed to the chicken.


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#20 Vortigern

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 12:54 PM

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?


You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.


Why couldn't the dead baby get through the revolving door?


He had a javelin through his head.


What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?


I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.


How many babies does it take to paint a house?


Depends how hard you throw them.


What's more fun than spinning a dead baby round on a tetherball post?


Stopping it with a shovel.


Don't call me a racist for this one, it's just a joke:

Why did Hitler kill himself?


He saw the gas bill.


I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.




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