Jump to content


Photo

Middle Earth Immigration


  • Please log in to reply
41 replies to this topic

#1 Námo

Námo

    ***

  • Project Team
  • 1,291 posts
  • Projects:Middle-earth Lore, Cartography & Linguistics
  •  ...

Posted 30 December 2009 - 07:55 PM



Posted ImagePosted Image


Middle Earth Immigration Officials Swamped by Waves of Arriving Geeks


Minas Tirith, Gondor. Officials at the Ministry of Immigration in Gondor’s capital city face a rising crisis: a huge influx of human refugees. Shiploads of geeks escaping the horrors and drudgery of life in the 21st century have been arriving on the coast of Middle Earth. Officials in The Shire, a tiny, rustic country in the north, have been seeing boats full of geek refugees coming into the nearby port of the Grey Havens. This is especially alarming to the inhabitants of The Shire, a short, peace-loving people called hobbits (or halflings, as they are known in the south).

“There’ve been some strange folk crossing the Shire...geeks and others of a less savory nature,” said the Gaffer Gamgee, the sage of Bagshot Row in Hobbiton. His son, the famed Samwise the Brave, is also concerned. “King Elessar has banned the Big Folk from the borders of the Shire,” said Master Gamgee, Mayor of the Shire, “but these geeks don’t seem to know that. Now, it’s not that I’m against humans, mind. Some of my best friends are men--but we’re so much smaller, you see, and don’t have the proper lodgings for larger folk.”

King Elessar, who resides primarily in Minas Tirith, has been criticized for being “soft” on the geeks, saying only, “Not so long ago, the world of men was almost destroyed by the Dark Lord Sauron and his evil henchman, the traitorous wizard Saruman. How can we deny these geeks - people of our own kind, after all - a safe haven from the cruelty and mindless malice of the 21 st century?”

Privately, however, some officials in Minas Tirith have expressed misgivings about this open door policy. One concerned minister said off the record, “We do not have the infrastructure to absorb a million geeks. They will be the bane of Gondor.” Another complained, “I blame Peter Jackson and his documentary film, The Lord of the Rings. If it weren’t for that film, most of these geeks would never even know Middle Earth existed.”

Beregond, Captain of the White Company (the Guard of Prince Faramir of Ithilien) was more optimistic. “The ruined city of Osgiliath is all but empty. If the geeks are willing to work at restoring Osgiliath, they would have a new home and the city would once again be the Queen of the Anduin.”

Recent events in the United States of America have swelled the number of refugees from that land. Though some are seeking asylum in Canada and New Zealand, many are arriving in Middle Earth. One former “blue state” geek said, “The fires in the Middle East will spread, and the woods of Europe and America will burn. Here, at least, we’ll have the Shire....”

A surprising number of the geeks are women. Some of them spoke to this reporter about their move. Carolyn, a petite lady who legally changed her last name to Baggins, has moved into a vacant dwelling in the Shire village of Hobbiton. “Frodo doesn’t live here anymore. There’s always been a Baggins living here under the Hill at Bag End, and now there always will be.”

Marissa, a shy, bookish lady from Minnesota who spends her summers in Rivendell, recently bought a sunny townhouse in Minas Tirith. Upon viewing the sad state of the decaying archives in the city, she said, “Gondor has no librarians. Gondor needs librarians.” Katrina, a novelist, will soon join her. Katrina recently wrote her friend, “I want to see mountains again, Marissa. Mountains! Then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book.”

A woman who now goes by the Elvish name of Idril told her friends in Utah, “I need a holiday, a very long holiday, and I don’t expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to.” She heard Legolas Greenleaf, one of the leading figures in the War of the Ring, is bringing a contingent of elves to live in Ithilien, just across the river Anduin. She’s already staked a claim to some prime real estate near the falls of Henneth Annûn in anticipation of the elves’ arrival. The Golden Wood of Lothlorien looks good to other elf-friends, who are hoping that part of the Ithilien Elvish contingent can be persuaded to re-populate the former Elvish stronghold.

Though most of the geeks are coming to escape the excesses of 21 st century life, there are some entrepreneurs arriving as well. Bill from Maryland wants to start a wind farm near Edoras, in the land of Rohan. King Eomer, another hero of the War for the Ring, is supposedly considering the plan, which would bring electricity and hot showers to the Riddermark. Kathleen is also moving to the Mark to learn more about the Rohirrim’s horse breeding techniques, and what distinguishes the Mearas from lesser breeds of horses.

Amy wants to start a Language Academy that would teach the new arrivals Sindarin (a form of Elvish) and other languages of Middle Earth. Jenny, a refugee from the wintry land of Fargo, has plans for re-vamping the fashion palette of the capital city, which is currently a rather somber dark blue, gray or black... “Emerald green is the new black,” she said, “to signify the new flowering of the White Tree.” And Dionne would like to start a coffee plantation in the hills of Harad. “What can I say? I’m addicted to cafe lattés.”

Will the citizens of Minas Tirith soon be sipping cappuccinos in a Gondorian version of Starbucks? “Perish the thought,” said the Minister of Commerce, who was visibly appalled at the idea of the mammoth coffee chain entering the Middle Earth market.

While most geeks are trying to escape the frenetic culture of the 21 st century, their very presence may be enough to subtly alter the Middle Earth cultures they so admire. Still, Daria from California expressed the hopes and desires of the majority of geeks when she said:

“It’s no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.”


So, if you got the chance, where in Middle-earth would you settle? ... and why?


... elen síla lúmenn´ ómentielvo ...
... a star shines on the hour of our meeting ...
Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image

#2 Ring o' Fate

Ring o' Fate

    The Ghost.

  • Project Team
  • 1,627 posts
  • Location:PA
  • Projects:Trying to find meaning...
  •  The guy that is just a ghost.

Posted 30 December 2009 - 08:07 PM

Rohan. Because it's the land of the awesome horsemen. :p
A changed man is only the same man with a different outlook of life.

#3 Florisz

Florisz

    The Young Reindeer

  • Project Team
  • 2,322 posts
  • Location:The Netherlands

Posted 30 December 2009 - 08:30 PM

Ah... Maybe Moria, or maybe the Grey Havens. :p
Posted Image

#4 Mathijs

Mathijs

    Post-modern Shaman

  • Network Leaders
  • 13,699 posts
  • Projects:Age of the Ring
  • Division:Revora
  • Job:Leader

Posted 30 December 2009 - 08:35 PM

Annúminas, after King Elessar rebuilt it.

No fuel left for the pilgrims


#5 Allathar

Allathar

    これを翻訳する

  • Project Team
  • 2,752 posts
  • Location:Netherlands
  • Projects:RJ-RotWK
  •  Greedy capitalist and cynical bastard.

Posted 30 December 2009 - 08:36 PM

Mount Doom. Saves quite a bit on the gas bill.
It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren't being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP

#6 Masterbadeend

Masterbadeend

    Yellow_Pete

  • Project Team
  • 797 posts
  • Location:The Netherlands
  • Projects:RCMOD
  •  Mapper @ the RCMOD

Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:32 PM

I guess the gasbill is quite important :p.
I think I would like to live in the Shire, because of the great amounts of food :p.

Posted Image
Posted Image
Thanks to MirkwoordArcher for this great signature and the lovely duck.
Posted Image


#7 Lauri

Lauri

    Let us remember foREVer

  • Hosted
  • 10,419 posts
  • Location:Norway
  • Projects:'The 4th Age' and 'Shadow and Flame'
  •  The very worst T3A Team Chamber Member

Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:43 PM

Dale

Shadow and Flame BETA 0.6 RELEASED - Link


#8 Ridder Geel

Ridder Geel

    Master Yelloh

  • T3A Staff
  • 10,845 posts
  • Location:The Netherlands (AKA: Holland)
  • Projects:RC Mod + SEE + RTS Engine
  •  The Dangerous T3A Team Chamber Member
  • Division:BFME
  • Job:T3A Staff

Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:46 PM

I will be in the Forbidden Pool with my homies! :p :p
Ridder Geel

#9 Kwen

Kwen

    Vileartist

  • T3A Staff
  • 4,837 posts
  • Location:Korea I wish
  • Projects:It'sa secreeet
  •  T3A's First N00b
  • Division:BFME
  • Job:T3A Expert
  • Donated

Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:54 PM

Next to the Three Troll Statues. It looks like very nice woods. :p

                           https://www.twitch.tv/vileartist - Yes shameless self-promotion

          ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                            "Old modders never die, they just fade away" ~ Hostile


#10 Elvenlord

Elvenlord

    Polis Ranger

  • Advisors
  • 3,831 posts
  •  T3A Chamber Member

Posted 31 December 2009 - 12:24 AM

Either Rivendell, for my love of the mountains, or Lindon, for my love of the sea.

elvenlordbanner.jpg
 


#11 Puppeteer

Puppeteer

    title available

  • Global Moderators
  • 2,947 posts
  • Location:United Kingdom
  •  Faute de Mieux
  • Division:Community
  • Job:Magazine Staff/Global Moderator

Posted 31 December 2009 - 12:27 AM

Lothlorien, for my love of forests.
Or Fangorn. Seems less... tame. I don't deny the power of Lothlorien, though.

#12 Radspakr Wolfbane

Radspakr Wolfbane

    The John Farnham of modding

  • Members
  • 7,722 posts
  • Location:less than 5 meters from my bed
  • Projects:Comeback tour
  •  The Retired Beard

Posted 31 December 2009 - 06:34 AM

Gunbadad for sure.
But I'd visit Khazad Dum frequently.

Break dancing into the hearts of millions


#13 Ergopad

Ergopad
  • Members
  • 117 posts
  • Location:Finland

Posted 31 December 2009 - 06:49 AM

Might a bit cliche, but Hobbiton. There I'd enjoy some pipeweed, good food and drink with my wife and children. :p

Posted Image
Posted Image
The Path of The Avatar

Heroes never die
...As long as they are remembered.

#14 Archon

Archon

    Ethereal Chaos

  • Members
  • 555 posts
  • Location:United States
  • Projects:Wars of Arda mod
  •  Expert Marksman

Posted 31 December 2009 - 11:43 AM

Erebor. I've always wanted to live in a mountain... :p
_______Posted Image_______Posted Image

#15 King_of_Shadow

King_of_Shadow
  • New Members
  • 3 posts
  • Location:Shadowland
  • Projects:BoN, and ___________________
  •  Bon (french for good) Mapper

Posted 31 December 2009 - 03:32 PM

Erebor. So that I could be Archon's neighbour... Posted Image

#16 Taralom

Taralom

    Self-proclaimed A**hole

  • Project Team
  • 1,519 posts
  • Location:Not here
  • Projects:Turned to Writing
  •  I R GOOGL'd

Posted 31 December 2009 - 03:58 PM

Either Rhûn, for my love of warfare, or Minas Tirith. At least somewhere in the southeast. So it's gondor or Rhûn.
If the above post offended you in any way,
please take note that, until further notice, I don't care, so get lost.

#17 Bereneth Túrien

Bereneth Túrien

    Ni degilbor

  • Members
  • 414 posts
  • Location:Michigan, USA
  • Projects:Working on my own mod.
  •  Former advisor.

Posted 31 December 2009 - 04:59 PM

Most certainly Lothlorien. Because of my love of trees.
Or maybe Mithlond, since I love the sea.

Somewhere elven.

I used to be {AE}Manveru, if that rings a bell.


#18 mike_

mike_

    Student of Homer.

  • Global Moderators
  • 4,323 posts
  • Location:Gulfport, MS
  • Projects:The Peloponnesian Wars Mod.
  •  There are no heroes, no villains - only decisions.
  • Division:Community
  • Job:Global Moderator

Posted 31 December 2009 - 07:58 PM

Mirkwood, in Thranduil's Halls.

#19 MirkwoodArcher

MirkwoodArcher

    Sharpshooter of Mirkwood

  • Members
  • 1,280 posts
  • Location:Greenwood the Great (Mirkwood)
  •  Hooded one
  • Division:Revora
  • Job:PR and Recruiter

Posted 31 December 2009 - 08:02 PM

Somewhere Elvish. Hard decision.

Lindon is cool because it is part of the non-existent Beleriand.

I think I'd be happy to be in any Elvish land. :D
Posted Image

#20 mike_

mike_

    Student of Homer.

  • Global Moderators
  • 4,323 posts
  • Location:Gulfport, MS
  • Projects:The Peloponnesian Wars Mod.
  •  There are no heroes, no villains - only decisions.
  • Division:Community
  • Job:Global Moderator

Posted 31 December 2009 - 08:05 PM

Cuivinien? :D




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users