So I did a little test of the sort-of new MMO, Pandora Saga. But Pasidon... you're cheap! Why buy the game if you're a cheap skank-tard who hates 90% of MMOs? It's actually free to play. And as we all should know, be suspicious of why things are free. VERY suspicious.
So the intro of the game promises "vivid graphics, uplifting music and exciting adventures". Spoiler alert, but those are lies straight from Satan's mouth. Well after I registered on the interface windows that looked like they were pasted from an Amiga operating system, I got into the world of Pandora and was immediately blinded by all 10 pixels on the screen. And I was then introduced to our cast of wacky characters! You could be a human... ... I don't want to be some ef'ing retard who wants to have an appendix, so I didn't choose the human class. Or you could be a Dwarf that looks like a small homeless man-child... or maybe you want to be an elf, although no matter what hair color you choose, you look like Wan Borgia after they pulled him out of the Tiber. Zing. You can also be the super-short cute'sy cherub douche-bags or the over-sized cow people that are specifically designed to troll players by blocking 4 out of the 10 pixels on your screen. I chose the Dwarf and got upset after I discovered I couldn't make them black, or a transvestite.
Now let the world of fantasy and adventure begin!!!!!! Oh... wait. I'm in a city wearing rags like a lower-class tramp talking to a city guard. Snap! No worries. The guard-dude thinks you're a great warrior and sends you on a series of quests that involve delivering mail. Here's the fun part... the quest tracking was broken! So I got to experience the joys of searching for random-butt people in a friggin' huge city with camera angles that made me want to shoot myself. After the first hour of trying to figure out that garbage, I finally got a weapon and was released into the world of Pandora! Well I couldn't venture too far, I had to kill 5 maggots for my quest. So let me get this straight... the city guard thinks I'm the greatest warrior of all time, and I can't even risk fighting enemies that can actually fight back yet? I got irritated and ventured about a mile outside of town and a friggin' crab killed me! Ef' you, crab people... I don't give a spit if you walk like crabs but talk like people.
I played this fugging game for like 3 hours... I just needed one more stinking excuse to quit... just one more. And I got my wish as I got stuck in the terrain (a wagon wheel) and was permanently trapped without any way to escape. ... Get bent, Pandora. Oh, and according to Steam, I played this game for 2 minutes. The only thing I did for 2 minutes straight in this game was try and escape that friggin' wagon wheel of death.
But this game seems like something terrorists would use to torment people... Not only are the graphics worse than everything made in the past 8 years, the music.... THE EF'ING MUSIC... That stoopid 4 minute soundtrack kept looping like a mother trucker for all those hours I played. Uplifting music, my pelvis... the only thing that music would uplift is a shotgun to my computer screen... And I almost forgot that MMO players believe that the term 'exciting adventures' includes all the joys and experiences of delivering mail and killing defenseless maggots. By the way, the sound my dwarf made when he attacked people... funniest friggin' thing in existence.
So if you want to check out Placenta Saga: Boogers of Balance, then do it. I dare you. It doesn't matter if it's free... I would pay money just to never deliver mail in another game ever again. It's not fugging Zelda... delivering mail to the world's biggest ho-bag, Madame' Aroma and getting a mail cap. I actually benefited from that and got a piece of a heart! WHAT THE FUDGE PANDORA!? Where's my heart container piece from doing your ef'ing dumb mail quest!? Now I can't murder Mojora and stop that dumb looking moon from rapping us all... GET BENT YOU MOTHER TRUCKING TOWN GUARD! YOU GOT US ALL KILLED!
And I'm willing to bet money that the weapons on this game aren't even balanced...
Edited by {IP}Pasidon, 03 November 2012 - 07:47 AM.
