4 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

Oh, the pain... the pain...

This week's critical review is a vintage diamond... Lost in Space. It's a 1965 drama about a family who gets... lost. In space. Well the show is supposed to be focused on the family of Dr. Robinson, his wife and retarded three kids who were 'safely' escorted into space. But as it turned out, the show can't seem to stop focusing on the show's anti-hero... Dr. Zachary Smith, played by Johnathan Harris who has a tendency to play the roles of Lucifer and Satan throughout his acting career. As it turns out, the show features Dr. Smith in a position that seems to cause and resolve every issue. In fact, he makes the rest of the family seem obsolete.

Yea, the show is old and terrible with props made out of paper and strings... boo friggin' hoo. It still stinks. Especially the logic. You get stranded on a barren alien planet that seems to be littered with magic mirrors, mid-evil crowns, space werewolfs, robotoids, hillbilly space cereal killers, homicidal space traders who accidentally make people into slaves, space pirates (not like Metroid at all), space zoo keepers, space cops... And all of these things turned out to be like 10 minutes away from their ship. Oh. and all the aliens speak English very well. And it also seems like the show is out to teach lessons more than create logical space drama. Like the time Dr. Smith put the family in danger to get the greatest treasure in the galaxy, which just happened to be a few yards away from their ship. But it turns out the greatest treasure in the galaxy was forgiveness... wow... friggin' tear jerking episodes. And they also get a way to leave the planet every episode, but they always muck it up since the kids and Dr. Smith are as clumsy as death.

So you have Dr. Smith, the murderous and underhanded agent of espionage who has attempted to kill the family about... well... every episode. But regardless, we'll leave the kids and important equipment unsupervised with him every episode, regardless. Every episode starts off with a thrilling near-death experience that was accidentally or posthumously caused by... Dr. Smith. The man is either a murderer or a dope... WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR KIDS WITH HIM WHILE YOU GO OFF AND KILL GIANTS!? And every episode is just Dr. Robinson yelling at him for not doing his chores... He wants to kill you all! No derp he won't do his chores! But every-time he threatens to leave, everyone misses him and gets him back. Wow, I can't believe we would throw out the guy who sold our kids to a slave trader for a box of food!

And there's Penny... the younger daughter of the group. She's like 13 years old and still as dumb ad sin. I swear, she's the most useless person in existence. I just joked about how useless she seemed at first, but I'm nearly done with season 1, and so far, she just gets trashed by her own family about how dull and pointless she is. It's actually hilarious. Even when she gets kidnapped into a magic space mirror, the creepy space midget couldn't stand her and ended up letting her go. Sake... the child is the adult version of the anti-Christ child from American Horror Story... she needs to be drown in a vat of bleach already. She couldn't even stand still when Dr. Smith turned her into platinum... I hope her acting career is as dead as that innocent space cowboy she killed. Oh, so the best job you got was co-staring in Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, huh? Friggin' sucks to be you, moron.

But yea, the show is like having headaches telepathically sent to you through sheer stupidity, recycled scenes and stock footage. And some family these people are... Dr. Robinson has spent more time killing harmless space plants than talking to his own kids. In the end, there's one good lesson to learn for the show: people from earth are jerks. But I'll watch the show anyway. We can't deny such elegantly written likes such as "You are even more stupid than I first calculated" and "Come with me before the Robinsons molest your presence crudely". Fuggin' inspirational.

Oh, and there's a robot and a military guy staring in the show.... but no one cares about them.

[duke_Qa]

I only remember seeing that movie with Gary Oldman as the bad-guy. I was around 13 so I guess I didn't notice too much of the fail.

[Pasidon]

Yea, the movie was a good attempt. As far as I remember... been years for me too. But it's a shame that the movie didn't take place in the marvelous future; in the year 1998... like the TV show.

[Mathijs]

Cereal killers? Spooky.

[Pasidon]

Yea. Ma' Alien tried to raise man-eating plants on the planet to kill the Robinsons, her son was a werewolf for no reasons and her daughter was just a naggy space skank.