5 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

Ring ring, retard. You got Rage Hammer on the line.

Cell phones.... GUHHHHH.... CELL PHONES. Don't get me wrong... they're handy and all. I like throwing them at people. But they're not just portable bricks anymore; they're tools made to irritate me. It's like an urban lifestyle thing now, which is like the bane of my friggin' existence People wearing baseball hats and trendy shirts that say, "Only real men wear pentagrams" and all that fluff. And short pants... GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... rural clothing companies just need to install vomit bags on good clothing just to make up for the fact people in cities like showing their blubbery shins and smelly thy bones.

Oh, right... this was supposed to be about cell phones. What ticks me off more than spit is that people are obsessed with them. Calling people on a box is old news... Luke Skywalker did it before any of you chumps. But people have to buy a new one every day. Sam's sake... even cell phone companies make rules that discourage people from buying them every month with these dumb plans. "Look... wait for friggin 6 months and we'll give you a discount on a new one, ya' dip'tard." Why do you need a new cell phone when you already have one that works just the same the day you bought it? Do the buttons fit your fat sausage fingers better? Can you play slightly less terrible games that still have terrible graphics? Let's go down the line of stuff that makes Pasidon as sick as sin:

1. Apps

More like... craps. ... Apps are like these miniature programs that bombard gamma rays directly to your face. They do stuff like warn you when a episode of Honey Boo Boo comes on, or if your favorite member from the Backstreet Boys dies, or something. Some of these fugging dumb things are ok, like a calculator or fake fart noise simulator. But the amount of like 'dumb as spit' ones make my face melt. Gamma rays, and all. Why the ef' do you need to be updated about new TV show episodes and sports news while you're out selling cocaine to elementary students? Do you really need to be out on a sidewalk screaming, "Holllllllllyyyyyy spadoodle!!!! HOMERUN MOTHER FUGGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" Just get the app that tells you how much street cred 47 kilos of crack costs and stop being useless...

2. Cell Phone Games

Go ahead and play Angry Turds, Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader, or games that came out in 1989... cell phone games fugging suck. Why would I play Call of Duty Mobile that has 15 pixels and 15 minutes of gameplay when I can play friggin' Dinosaurs Vs. Humans in Primal Carnage on my PC and not feel ripped off? And why would I want to play games in public? For the love of pants... you have to be a real tool to play your watered down version of Plants Vs. Zombies while you're standing in line for your slightly more expensive yet slightly different phone to come out. By the way... I see these commercials of cell phones with people waiting in long lines while waiting for the newest piece of trash comes out. Those ef'ing commercials make me want to pour lava just in case extra terrestrials are watching. I'm friggin' embarrassed for you people...

3. Customization

HO MUI GAWD... WEE KNEED OUR NEON PINK PHONE CASES!!!!!!!!!!!! Get mommy out of rehab so she can get you a giant purple panther cell phone case for Quanza! Not only are these cases as dumb as sin, they cost about the same as your friggin' phone. How does that work!? A plastic mold that can only fit your special edition Hello Kitty G17 Blade Master 3000 K cell phone costs more than the clothing I'm wearing right now. That's like fuggin' Joe Biden level of sleazy right there. And why do people want smaller phones? So they can break more easily so they have an excuse to buy a new one within a 20 day period? Sake... it's not like you're hauling 50 pound titanium brass knuckles around all day... you can manage the extra 12 ounces in your friggin' pocket, But I live in ef'ing America... we need bigger buttons and smaller phone-size densities to counteract our chubby fingers and bulging pockets. OH CRAP... I can't fit my fingernail sized cell phone and my cheese burger into the same pocket!!!

I have a 3 year old bulky as spit cell phone that doesn't have internet, apps, games or gold plated cases... I wish it didn't have texting, but I can't disable it anymore, but it's a phone. It calls people. I'm very happy with it. It lets me shout at people in Idaho about how dumb their potatoes are... that's a friggin' amazing concept to me, I dunno how spoiled you knuckle-brains are. Be fugging thankful, you pricks. That's right... this episode turned out to be a Thanks Giving themed episode all along. Have an ef'ing thoughtful Thanks Giving and burn your stoopid EyePhone so Jesus will be happy for once, you mother humping chumps

[Irenë Hawnetyne]

This is a perfect description of my everyday thought, almost word for word!

[Gen.Kenobi]

Awesome. Funny. Smart. One of your bests rages so far, Pasidon.

[Pasidon]

Aww, thanks guys. You're the light of my life. Now get off my property, hood rats.

[duke_Qa]

Still got one of them Nokias with barely any space to take pictures. Got a very nice flashlight and SMS/phoning capabilities. Don't need more than that on the phone, and the rest I can test out on the galaxy tablet, but that can at least be used for surfing.

[Pasidon]

Holy sausages, Dukie. You can take pictures AND illuminate dark areas? Captain Special Ops, over here... better tell the president that there's a new sheriff in town, and he's stone cold.