14 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

I set my critical reviews up in stereoscopic 3D, so now everyone can experience rage'astic suspense in yo' face.

And fortunately I saw The Hobbit in regular vision, or else I would be complaining about my retinas burning. But yea, I saw the thing, now let me moan about it. For Sam's Sake... it was 2 hours long. Then the previews ended, so I had to watch this 3 hour movie. So it's about this Hobbit named Author Dent who gets involved in some sort of pyramid scheme arranged by a wizard named Magneto and 13 fat homeless guys. They need to go to an ancient homeless guy fortress called Bling City and slay a Pimp Dragon cuz he Pimp Dragon'ed all der' golds.

Along the way, they encountered creatures with British accents (that's how you can tell they evil) and recycled characters for nostalgia purposes, even if they were in the book or not. This includes the Goblin King, who got his script from a Marvel Comic movie, and mountain trolls courteous enough to wear pants. If I'm spoiling any of this to you, then may I remind you that the book has been out for longer than you've been alive.

But the main idea of this entire movie is too show Dwarves jumping out of nowhere and brawling random creatures of the night while looping the same soundtrack through every fight scene. It's also about a pointless journey through the wilderness of death, then realizing 2 hours later (in real time) that they could have ridden giant eagles to their destination in the first place. But we learned that they can barely manage to fight off 3 bumpkin trolls, so now they have to manage to kill a wild Pimp Dragon who may or may not be voiced by the dude who plays Sherlock Holmes, which is funny since the guy who plays Bilbo is Watson.

But surely Peter Jackson will never find a way for our heroes to succeed! Find out next time on our next 3 hours of epic soundtrack loops and clumsy fat midgets!

[Irenë Hawnetyne]

Before I get all personally defensive, I have to say, you're criticising the book, not the film, there. And I might also add that The Hobbit was written as a children's book, such that a film adaptation would never have been considered by Tolkien.

[Pasidon]

I'm criticizing the book? I had no idea it had the same soundtrack loops, length of previews and cheesy one-liners. But the best part about getting nerd rage about my CR is that I neither exaggerated or lied about anything. Maybe Bling City was pushing it... but still.

[Irenë Hawnetyne]

I disagree with your supposed lack of exaggeration. I don't think it's possible for you not to exaggerate.
Anyway, we're all entitled to our own opinions, even if they're wrong.

[Pasidon]

Ge-wiz, Fell. I never said the movie was bad. It was a train wreck filled with beached whales and dead orphans, but I never said it was bad.

Send your hate mail it genkenobie2008@Xfire.

[Bofur]

Gotcha Boss

[Irenë Hawnetyne]

Haha, no I wasn't actually mad (not that it'd make any difference). Anyway, in future, do you want your rages to be posted onto the Revora FB page along with all the other modding news?

[Pasidon]

Erm... yes. Yes. I do.

[Irenë Hawnetyne]

OK, as of your next post it'll be there.
(Bit abrupt change of topic there, just thought of it then.)

Edited by FellbeastIII, 07 January 2013 - 03:55 PM.

[OmegaBolt]

Please dont. I dont wanna see these on my Facebook page, ever.

[Mathijs]

Agreed with the above poster. Don't do that to me.

[Irenë Hawnetyne]

In that case... possibly.

[Pasidon]

Now I really want it done. Ensure maximum displeasure and you will be rewarded, Fell.

[Gen.Kenobi]

Find out next time on our next 3 hours of epic soundtrack loops and clumsy fat midgets!

LOLed hard. One of things that bugged me most about all of the LOTR movies was the FREAKINGNEVERENDINGSAMESOUNDTRACKTHEME. Damn. It made the movies a pain in the ears to watch.
Pas. I love your sarcasm.

Send your hate mail it genkenobie2008@Xfire.

You should publish this outside and get fan rages so we can all laugh about it. And you can rage about their rage in a rage reply series. It would be simply epic.

EDIT: BTW This should be on the Revora's Front Page.

[Pasidon]

Well publish them wherever you want. I make them more to amuse myself than anything else.

Just wait for my YouTube channel this summer. And yes, it is happening whether I like it or not.