Alquest

Adding some detail...

Discussion if you should or should not wtite in english, is something you need to decide yourself. But, I do agree with you that your native language gives you more tools to get 'beauty'. I also agree that a proffesional translater would be better. But that is something a publisher should organize. 

In regards of the well interpretated critique adressing the repetition... Well I dont think that has to do with language. It's. to be blunt, a common mistake by ppl starting to write. Every writer goes ctrl-H hist text with the words like 'but, And, where, was'. And applies 'rules' like dont start a sentence with 'And...'. 'But' is a word you (almost) never use. It renders the sentence in front of it useless. Also, present tense makes a story more appealing. It just does.

Anyways, I respect your dedication, and I sincerely hope that your universe will outshine Star Wars in the years to come.

Some thought: Richard Bachmann had an interesting career... Short stories are soooo much more popular in the english world. 

Don't re-invent the wheel. Harry Potter complies to every magical rule (dead parents, good-bad, the forced departure of the hero, the journey) Star Wars is a sci-fi copy of the Bible

And last point, and oh man, if you dont know him, you are in for a surprise. You must (really, you must) get the book Morphology of the Folktale by Vladimer Propp.

Published in 1958, based upon the hundreds of years story telling before that. (spoiler alert: this book will ruin every movie you're gonna see in the furture)

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.