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[Daeda]

Translated by Daedalus (lessons 1-4, 7-8) and ComradeJ (5+6)

How to be Annoying - 150 usefull tips

Lesson 1: Beginners
Category: children from 6 - 12 (especially 12)
Description: the first category is easy. The keyword to this lesson is "subtle"
By following these lessons you will easily be able to make small children and people with an IQ lower than 60 cry. No experience required. Practice everything ATLEAST 5 times.

1. Change the colors of your television so everyone on the screen looks green and assure other people you like it that way.

2. Drum on every available surface.

3. Keep humming the Batman tune.

4. Put a stamp in the middle of every piece of paper you see.

5. Ask the people at an information service for a date.

6. make a video that exists of only copyright-warnings.

7. Sew metal anti-theft-strips in everyone's pockets.

8. Hide dairy products on places nobody can reach.

9. Write the surprising end of a tale on the first page of the book.

10. Put Alarms on random times.

11. Learn morse code, and only have conversations that go like this: "beep, bip, beep, beeb".

12. Buy bublegum just to suck the layer off.

13. Order French Fries with caviar.

14. Put your Metallica CD in your fathers car with the volume at its maximum.

15. Research in public how slow you can act as a frog, and do not worry that others will hear you.

16. Hoot and wave to people you don't know.

17. Dress yourself in the color orange, and I mean ONLY in orange. (Green or Yellow will suffice, but make sure its a clear color)

Lesson 2: Amateurs
Category: Children from 12 to 14 and mothers.
Description: This level is clearly harder than the previous one. We have left the part for small children and are heading for the real job.
Practive everything 10 to 20 times per week and even those intimidating primary school teachers will beg for emotional mercy.

18. Zap to another chanel 10 minutes before a movie ends.

19 Tape pieces of fitness-video over the climax of a rental video.

20. Wear your trousers inside out.

21. At a restaurant, say you don't want to sit anywhere but go and eat all of the candy at the pay-desk.

22. Start every sense you say with "ooh la la"

23. Wake your roommates every morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music"

24. ONLY TYPE IN CAPITALS.

25. only type in small characters.

26. Dont use any punctuation

27. Buy a lot of thise trafic colums and create new routes through your neighbourhood.

28. Pay with just nickels.

29. Attach bells on your clothes.

30. Repeat everything what someone says as a question.

31. Write "X-TREAsURE" on every map you see.

32. Tell everybody about your UFO/OJ Simpson theories.

33. Repeat the following conversation 10 times: "Did you hear that?" "What?" "Nevermind I don't hear it anymore"

34. When its your birthday, replace all the candles in the cake with fireworks.

Lesson 3: Progressed
Category: Teenagers in general, red-hairy fat kids in special.
Description: This is the real work. Also there here a certain degree of modesty needed now, because some people may experience mental damage from it, as well as a reduced social capacity and a disintegrated self-image. Being annoying is a powerful weapon. Practice this ATLEAST 2 times a day, but 4 is prefered.

35. Give tips in Bolivian currencies.

36. Demand that everyone calls you Conquistador.

37. Push all flat LEGO-bricks verry tight together.

38. Use the washing-machine for just one sock per wash.

39. Where a cape with "Magnificent One" on it.

40. Hop instead of walking as much as possible.

41. Watch over someones back and mumble when he/she tries to read something.

42. Start singing "100.000 bottles of beer..." and don't stop till you've reached 0.

43. Keep the bliker on for 50 miles.

44. Act as if your mouse is a walkie-talkie and talk to it.

45. Try ticking a song on your chin. When you're almost finished say "oh that went wrong" and retry.

46. Name your dog "Dog"

47. Assure people they only exist in your imagination.

48. Ask people what gender they are.

49. Answer everything someone says with "thats what YOU think"

50. Lick the white stuff out of the biscuits and put them pack where you found them.

51. Talk in a Swedish accent.

Lesson 4: Veterans
Category: People in the examination classes of a grammarschool, people with an IQ > 110, Eddy murphy (doesn't have an IQ > 110, this is the only exeption)
Description: If lesson 4 would have been developed by the Germans during WW2 the war wold have been even more grimer and terrible. This is the annoyingness that kills, a traumatising alternative on the standard teasing. The suspection that these exercises are created by an overlord have been proven. 3 times a day.

52. Forget the end of a long joke bus insure the auditor it was realy funny.

53. Make it a habbit to tie your furniture to the ground and tell others you're afraid they might fall of the ground.

54. Stay close to someone and spray disintefecting spray on everything he touches.

55. Hum songs that you're certain of they will be remembered (ie The Muppets Song)

56. Shake and nod constantly with your head.

57. Lie about obvious things, like wether its day or night.

58. Make peeping sounds when a fat person walks backwards.

59. Keep your Christmas tree and all the lights till october.

60. Change your name to John Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajohnson to have the honor of being the first person in the telephone book. Tell others the name is African and demand them to pronaunce each A different.

61. Go and stand next to an road and point your hairdryer at cars to look if they stop.

62. Chew on borowed pencils.

63. Enrich conversations with nonsence jargon and look wether people will adopt it not to look like an idiot.

64. Put on a lot of aftershave, and I mean a LOT.

65. Instead of asking wether you can talk to people ask if you can 'interface'

66. Play LPs and tapes twice as fast and say it is required because of your "superiour mental processing"

67. Sing with an opera.

68. Mow you lawn with a nail scissor.

Lesson 5: Elite
Category: Masters, Students
Description: This is the level most can only dream of, if they can even comprehend it. These exercises require a deadly of speed, accuracy and courage, but the results are worthwile. An annoying opponent is a deadly opponent. Ancient nonsense is being used in a weapon that's far overgrown the terms 'deadly' and 'destructive'. 2 times a day, but NEVER 2 times on the same person.

69: When someone's playing Quake, keep shouting "ratatatatatatatatatata BOOM woesh bam bam bam"

70: End all your sentences with "If we are to believe the predictions"

71: Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your 'invisible friend'

72: Go to a poetry-night and ask with every poem why it doesn't rhyme.

73: Ask fellow students mysterious question, and write down their answer on a note-bloc. Mumble something about psychological profiles.

74: Keep staring at the static on tv, and say that you're seeing the picture.

75: Pick the same song on a jukebox for 50 times.

76: End sentences without the tone that it's over, so weird situations arise where people think you're going to say more

77: Never make eye contact.

78: Never break eye contact.

79: Invite masses of people for other person's parties.

80: Build beautiful graincircles in your backard.

81: Build your own Tricoder (StarTrek, y'know), 'scan' people with it, and tell them the results.

82: Describe everything someone does with a nasal voice.

83: Shout random numbers when someone is counting.

84: Make appointments for the 31st of December.

85: Make clear that a conversation is over by putting your hands over your ears and scrupulously closing your eyes.

86: Mail this list to everyone you know 50 times.

Lesson 6: Masterclass
Category: Tyrans without remorse
Description: Instant hartfailures. Months of despression. Mental reduction.

87: WRiTE EVErYTHInG IN CaPITALs, WITh A SPORAdIC NORMAl LETTEr.

88: Keep laying the remote control for the tv on the tv.

89: Change all pre-programmed TV-channels every day.

90: Say it's your birthday, every day.

91: Hardly defend an opinion. The next day, say the complete opposite.

92: Put a rose in your jacket, go to the train station and ask every woman who comes by "Are you Esther?"

93: Go sell 'Street News' and say to everyone who doesn't want one "Oh, it doesn't matter"

94: Spill your beer in another person's whiskey during toasting.

95: Hans smoke-detectors in a smoking-allowed traincart.

96: Give people yourself as a birthday present.

97: During college, keep raising your hand and then say "No, never mind"

98: Put your bicycle lock around someone else's bike.

99: Give people back their ventils (for bicycle tires, y'know)

100: Do jumprope on music with the speakers turned downwards when the people who live below you have visitors.

101: Invite someone over and stay away for an hour on the telephone.

102: Leave the key on the inside of the door, so it can't be opened anymore.

103: Borrow 25 dollar from someone, twenty times, instead of just 500 dollar once.

104: Forget to weigh your vegetables at the supermarket every time.

105: Press the button in the bus for every stop, but stay seated all the time.

106: Cut a lot of articles out of a newspaper before other people read it.

107: Keep talking to people until they've missed their train and then leave immediatly.

Lesson 7: Elite 2
Category: Various (own sight requested)
Description: Congratulations, if you have reached this level you've allready proven to be really annoying. The real annoying peron will constantly strive to be ven better. To reach this goal here are some other exercises that are essential for any frustration-creating person. The number of times required to practice can be made by your own judgement.

108. Breath constantly trough a harmonica.

109. Frequently mail people with the text "Annoying is this, isnt it?"

110. Every morning, before leaving your house, play polka music on your sterio and wake your whole neighbourhood with it.

111. Decide that 3am is a good time to perform Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals in your neighbour's backyard.

112. Look at a random person and start laughing.

113. Try to put all of the supermarket products in the freezer (and the things that are suppossed to be in the freezer go out)

114. Glue all loose objects to eachother. It's also fun to glue CDs into a CD-player.

115. Eat a lot of garlic and breath in the faces of others. When they try to avoid move with them.

116. If someone asks you to put the volume of your diskman down start singing with it, loud and false.

117. Take off your socks and shoes in public and start picking out all the dirt between your toes. Create your own ideas on what to do with the dirt.

118. Whe you have to sneeze, put something between your teeth nad aim for someone.

119. When someone coughs, name a long list of diseases he might have (you can make them up if you want) Also say something like "Cholera is raging trough the country"

120. When in the middle of a converation, walk away without saying anything.

121. Put a pencil in your nose and try to write (using a borrowed pencil is prefered)

122. Pronounce names of people wrong (and ignore them if they correct you)

123. Paint all the bulbs you see black.

124. If someone asks you what you thought of ID4, say you liked the first 3 better. (E3 can be done aswell)

125. Staple all the pages of a library book together.

126. Why would you trow away gum if you can stick it to the carpet.

127. Take the plug out of a stopper, turn it, and stop it back in and say it was in wrong (do this esspecially at machines that are used at that time)

128. Pick someone else's nose.

129. Dress as Zorro, put a Z on everything and shout "olé"

130. When someone claims something, say he was wrong and repeat exactly what he said on an improving tone.

131. Greet everyone by butting your head against his'

132. One word: Karaoke.

133. If you are being annoying, look to others with a incensedsight and critisise THEIR behaviour.

134. When at a mass in church, try to start the wave.

135. If youhear someone laughing, grab him by his throat and shout 'you're laughing at me, aren't you! You're such an asshole!"

136. Make homevideos at burials.

Lesson 8: Personalisations of Annoyin
Category: Damien
Description: This is of the highest levels that a mortal can reach. There are, however, rumours of higher levels, but these rumours have been never confirmed. In the course of millenia myths where formed that tried to explain how someone can be this annoying, of which that of Gertrude and the Flying Donkey is most popular by far.

137. Email the bible to someone. If you don't have the bible mail anything that is on your hrddisk (an older exercise)

138. Ask somone if you can stay with him/her and change the labels of the toothpaste and the clearasil.

139. Ask someone that stayed over for dinner how the spagetti tasted. When you receive an answer say you knew he/she wouldnt notice. When he/she anxiously askes what was in it just give a big grin.

140. If you're at someone that has a cat, ask what kind of cat it is. When you receive answer say 'oh but you don't taste the difference, do you?"

141. Order fries with ketchup at the local McDonalds. When you get it say you ordered BBQ-sauce. When the employee says "sorry' try to talk him into a lot of guiltfeelings.

142. Ask the employee at the lcal liquidstore if you can put some "Do you know? Do you care?"-flyers on the counter. Say it's for a good cause.

143. Step on to a girl (girls step (often) on to boys) and make sure each sentence you say is ambiguous. If you get a reaction, either positive or negative, tell you didnt mean it that way and continue to talk. Also make sure you wink a lot.

144. Firghten people by saying you first read "an album of love" as "anal bum of love"

145. Get atleast a C for introduction cognition science.

146. Pay something of 50 dollars by dumping a bag with 1000 nickels on the counter.

147. say everything that is positive with a high voice and everything that is negative with a low voice.

148. Say "oh what a shame" after every sentence someone says. After each sentence, make a second one that rhymes on the first, but doesn't make any sence.

149. ask old ladies if THEY are one of those tough skinheads.

150. Taelk onli own redeciloz waiz liek tis.

List origionally by http://www.lilith.de...l/irritant.html

[Detail]

88: Keep laying the remote control for the tv on the tv.

[chemical ali]

Wow i dont need to much of them

Mind you a lot of people think im anoying

[Ash]

Indeed.

#151: Be Chemical Ali

#152: LIKE Chemical Ali




Personally I like this one:

48. Ask people what gender they are.

That would piss anyone except my old headmaster/mistress off. I don't think even s/he is sure what gender s/he is.

(Name was Irene Moore..but it was a definite man-beast.)

[chemical ali]

Oh thats funny

[Ash]

Dude, you said as much yourself in the post above mine.

Wow i dont need to much of them

Mind you a lot of people think im anoying

I was just agreeing with you

[DaX]

#154 Write every sentence in code just like ash i.e. I am>you = true

Edited by DaX, 25 November 2004 - 06:50 PM.

[Daeda]

Indeed.

#151: Be Chemical Ali

#152: LIKE Chemical Ali

Thats probably LEVEL 9: the higher level all myths are about (see description lesson 8)

Personally i like:

135: when someone's lauging grab his face and scream "you're laughing at me aren't you, asshole!"

And

140: ask someone with a cat what kind it is and when you get an answer say "but you don't taaste the difference do you?"

[Ash]

#154 Write every sentence in code just like ash i.e. I am>you = true

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just because you know I am greater than you

[Daeda]

Coz (S~D < Daeda)
{
forum.setText("Daeda Pwnz j00");
}

Java nerdfight

[Kazyumi]

LOL, some good one's thar! oi oi oi Ich über dich Ash

[chemical ali]

KRAUT KRAUT!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Daeda]

Hey, lets stay nice..
*looks at location* Traitor .. well he's living close to the german border..

[chemical ali]

KRAUTS BURN THEM ALLL

[Daeda]

Ali no discrimination... thats no nice for of annoyingness
And why does the fastreply auto sets on enable email notification while thats always off on my accounts.. i hate if when those settings are wrong..

Edited by Daedalus, 26 November 2004 - 06:55 PM.

[Tom]

KRAUTS BURN THEM ALLL 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ali, no more rascist remarks please.

[chemical ali]

What? Sorry its my history teachers influence.

[Tom]

MY influence will be on you in a minute if you don't shut up. Trust me, you won't like my influence.

[DaX]

Ooops btw that was my post just didnt log in automatically. must have been cos i deleted cookies after that porn i was lookin at........I mean..