Andrew McCray

lol. well it is. you have humans, you have earth, you have mayans, you have disease and death, and the like. All stories need to have something that a reader/player can attach to, and relate to.

I guess its your call if you want to fictionalize government names and the like, but I think with that you run the risk of detaching the story from reality. As it is, the only thing that the story keeps in common with our own reality is that we can see that there are similar things going on in the past of this world. If you fictionalize everything we might not even know that this took place on Earth.

*peeks in*

I like the platform puzzle with the gaps, but to echo what Ambershee said I think it would be good to have some sort of logical progression that can be decoded and let the player know what order is correct without having to guess every single platform. Could just be something as simple as having them numbered, or colored similar to how they are (except with models that fit wherever this is going and all that) and have a progression thats referenced somewhere else beforehand. Like maybe this room can be a memory of a guy who did the RJ-45 ethernet jacks, and the platforms are colored like the wires, and you have to jump them in order. white-orange orange white-green blue white-blue green white-brown brown.

*wanders off*

Okay then, I finally got the chance to sit down and crank this out. Still a rough draft, but I think it’s a good start. As far as the larger narrative, I have some ideas that I incorporated into this, but they are tentative and can be changed if need be.

-the main thing is that I was thinking that the bioplauge that ravages the planet later in the story could have originated way back when. The same plague killed off a lot of Mayans and civilizations in the area, and that’s what forced this group of Mayans underground. In the process of moving underground, they brought remnants of the bioplauge with them in their own bodies and in the plant life they brought with them, in a way that they either were already immune or developed immunities shortly, and the bioplauge stayed dormant deep underground with them. When the place is excavated, the bioplauge is discovered, and later weaponized by various governments, including Russia, which is how it gets into the Starkiller.

-the other thing was that I was thinking that the time they were forced underground, and the initial bioplauge infection would coincide with the historical fall of the Classical Mayans, in the 8th and 9th century. This can easily take place much earlier if need be, but I thought it made sense to say that the bioplauge caused the decline of their civilization.

Other than that, I think everything is self explanatory. I don’t know how to attach files on these forums, because I don’t see a button. If someone points it out I will attach it, but I dont want to post it just as text here because it loses all of its formatting. It’s about 1200 words right now.

oh, and theres some cussing. I didnt know if thats ok but I like using some curse words in narratives like this because they can be good for expressing strong emotion.

EDIT: got it attached

Should be useful. Though what the submayans speak will be realated but not exactly the same as the Mayan language. Ill try to use variants of this if I quote their speech.