142 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

"Life Like Baby Doll."  What life is this supposed to be like?  A tumor dug out of Gilbert Godfrey's rectum?  "Weighted like a real baby."  Guess that makes it harder to flush down the toilet.  "He's super cute."  Eeee... nn...  ... If having the hairline and hair style of a 60 year old Jewish man wearing Ravish-Me-Red lipstick is cute, then sure.  Listed for $20.

[Pasidon]

"Bar accessories."  Yes, implying that a happy little man's metal penis is uncorking my wine is a great idea.  Listed for $5 for all three erections.

[Pasidon]

"Vintage Thomas Dam Troll Grandma Doll Denmark 1977."  Your dolls don't get an exempt from being ungodly ugly and creepy just because they're 50 years old.  I'm sure this "toy" was cute back when humans had similarly shaped skulls as this old monster.  She looks like a Resident Evil boss.  "She has a bubble?"  ... What?  Listed for $40.

[Pasidon]

"Elf Pet."  Uhh... Elf pet?  I guess that's a real thing, as seen here.  Whatever.  Let's move past that and talk about the hastily scrawled "help me!! pleese" note.  Is someone in danger here?  Should I call the cops?   Should I help?  Will someone be horribly murdered in a run-down Howard Country subbasement if I choose to do nothing?  Guess we'll find out.  Listed for $1.

[Pasidon]

"Buying Junk Cars."  That's fine, but why is your info pasted over a grill?

[Pasidon]

"Looking for Linkimals."  I'm not sure what this horrible Frankenstein toy is supposed to be.  Apparently it knows 85+ songs, sounds, tunes, and phrases.  It's also afraid of fire.

 

There's one more thing bothering me about this...

Spoiler

Peekaboo. 

[Pasidon]

"Gas Stove."  You ever wonder what the stove from Texas Chainsaw Massacre is doing these days?  Well, here it is.  Comes with every stain imaginable. Listed for $175.

[Pasidon]

"Trump Welcome Mats."  Nothing says, "welcome to my home" more than an advertisement for a premeditated "revenge tour" scheduled three years from now.  And nothing says "I love my country" more than wiping mud and dog poop over Nazi propaganda.  Listed for $15 per floor propaganda.  You provide your own mud and dog poop.

[Pasidon]

"Christmas shirt."  Well.  That's Rant'a Claus, not someone named Brandon.  Easy mistake to make while tripping on horse medication.  Not sure where we're wanting him to go either.  If you've been looking to support Brandon "Butt-Neck" McChristmas here, this beautifully hand-crafted shirt with the finest selection of generic clip-art samples is the perfect gift for you and your loved ones.  Listed for $15, unless you're the size of Brandon, then that'll be $18 for the 2x extra large.

[Pasidon]

Mood.

[Pasidon]

"Paranormal Investigation."  ... What?  What's being sold here?  The chance to be held hostage in someone's creepy "haunted" basement?  "Incudes water, pop, and pizza."  I guess you won't starve to death while waiting for the police to find you then.  Listed for $25, which is enough to buy your own pizza and pop.

[Pasidon]

"Homemade Animal Enclosure."  No, this isn't from a horror movie.  It's a real, homemade container for your unethical lab experiments.  Finally, a piece of furniture that you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.  I think I see a stick in there.  A dial to read the... pressure?  A leaf or two.  Yea.  Don't put anything alive in this.  They won't stay that way.  Listed for $65.  Hope they use the money to fix that terrifying linoleum paneling.

[Pasidon]

"Baby Teething Toys."  Those are butt plugs.  Listed for $10 each.

[Pasidon]

 

"2022 F T"  You know exactly what I'm about to say.  If you guessed, "... what?" then you would be right.  ... What?  It sounds like he's selling a car, and then, offers to defrost some pipes.  And is that picture what Tony Soprano saw while having a heart attack in Italy?  Trying to figure out what this guy is selling is like a figuring out a puzzle in Mist.  Listed for $1 because why not.

[Pasidon]

"Pogo Stick."  It's not a weird listing, but I liked the sales pitch.  "Would just give it away but time is money."  That's nice.  Listed for $5.

[Pasidon]

"Permanent Vinyl Car or Truck Decals Black or White."   Finally.  I've been looking for good ways to permanently devalue my car.  Get your poorly photoshopped propaganda!  Merchandising!  Merchandising!  Includes Calvin peeing over the word "Biden."  Let your friends and family know that you're not afraid to pee and poop on names you don't like.  You have one of Trump's penis being attacked by a weed empowered by the word "Biden."  He's lost about 300 pounds - perhaps by the weed's terrible power.  Then... #FJB?  Finger Jonny's Butt?  No idea.  Then just the standard election propaganda.  It's permeant, so if you're rooting for the guy who flushes documents down the crapper, you better be committed to that cash flush.  Listed for $5, but also, it claims the price varies based on size.  So... maybe not $5.

[Pasidon]

"Ashley Belle Collector Grandma and Grandpa Dolls."  Boy, those sure do look like a lot of swell fun.  Grandpa looks like a misshapen carney with watermelons up his sleeves and grandma looks like she's been huffing that freshly painted white picket fence again.  If you happen to be collecting shrunken old couples from the 17th century, these two will certainly... be available.  Listed for $40.

[Pasidon]

"WTS: MONEY..." Not the most convincing sales pitch with those birds being thrown.

[Pasidon]

"2010 Rare Freddy Kreuger."  Nothing quite like browsing the internet for rare, limited edition supernatural child molesters.  The man lives in a boiler room, so there's no excuse to not iron those pants out.  Bonus horror points go to that Pinhead statue with the baby head.  He looks like a cute widdle Rugrat.  Listed for $700.

[Pasidon]

"Halloween Animated."  I'm assuming that's "Waving Wally."  Hi, Waving Wally.  Keep on waving.  You're doing great.  Listed for $350.  Does not come with the bubble-themed shower curtain being used as an actual curtain.