Recently I got dumped (pun) with some news about a friends partner who came out of the closet
its somewhat of an ackward situation that he's kind of oblivious about but that's not the reason for this thread. we got into a debate about homosexuality and how its not a choice.
I would really like to hear your opinions on this matter
I'll be looking at the broad spectrum of variables that create what we are as people but at its core, it would be about sexuality and our position on it.
So to get started, my friend and I had a disagreement, him blaming the relationship all on his partner being gay after 4 years of being together (coming out of the closet)
Essentially the situation was this: "My girl realized she's gay so were not together anymore"
Me, I would consider more factors then just "oh I think I'm gay now"
that being relationship stress and other factors that I'm unaware of.
that lead into a debate about sexuality and how someone cannot just suddenly stop being attracted to men simply because they had an epiphany of being gay even if it was gradual over a year, and that she was actually leaning towards homosexual interests for reasons and that she lost that desire to be with her current partner
He accused me of not having modern views on homosexuality when I said, people could not be 100% homosexual, specially when she was in a relationship for so long. his point was that people are "gay or straight" and that's a fair call, people have life styles and live by those choices like fashion and sexual orientation based on their own feelings.
But that doesn't answer the real question what makes a person 'gay or straight'
With genetics and those freaky mutations we get when we're born, the way our minds are wired in that regard are not a simple yes or no switch and that's why gay marriage and couples have been such a confusing and heated debate for centuries, with prejudice and alienation, it puts people in a position, specially with those who are bi or bi-curious as anti-gay people use that as proof that its a choice. As we know, it is not a choice.
From what I know, and what many people agree on is that Hetero/homo is more of a bar, most people are genetically placed to one side or the other, but its not perfect as some people are in the middle. However no-one is 100% one way or the other as perfection doesn't exist in natural genetics, but we can be very close that we can confidently say we are 100% this or that, that however is our perception of ourselves that we identify with. People with more homo-orientation but still on the hetero side would still comfortably identify themselves as hetero. and thus, the conflict was born.
now the factors behind being 'gay or straight' are layered and each factor doesn't need an explanation, I've arranged them by the most likely heaviest controller on a persons sexual identity
(orientation has always been misused in context)
#1 Genetics (True Genetic orientation)
#2 Mental health (trauma, abuse, phobia)
#3 Self Awareness (aware of your natural thoughts)
#4 Love/Relationship
#5 Peer Pressure
#6 Society
#7 Confidence
#8 Understanding
All those factors and many more contribute to what we consider our identity whether it be Hetero, Homo, or Bi. People tend to believe that sexuality is a restraint on who we can and can't love, However taking that out of context also leads to the same common misconceptions such as "gay is a choice" - The truth that many can agree on is that relationships are formed on our base genetics and orientation but not limited too (other factors) that includes Bi-sexual who even though 'Bi' still side with one orientation over the other.
Love is another topic that goes hand in hand with sexual orientation and is influenced by it.
However love can come in many forms like family and friends, and those bonds can be compared to platonic relations where sexual desire plays no effect. However this topic is mostly about sexual relations, and how we identify ourselves.
Concluding the primary subject: For those who come out of the closet mid relationship, Good on you because you're being honest with yourself, even if you aren't 100% sure on how you identify yourself. Our identity is all we have and its ok if it changes later. Just be aware that there are many more factors then you initially understand.
Like losing interest in your current partner for other reasons; Growing apart, personal change, or dysfunctional problems. At the end of the day you're trying to find yourself, sometimes you have to move on and if that's how you feel. at least be honest with yourself.
Conclusion: Our Identity is how we live by, but its not always true to our genetics and we all must find our place where we are comfortable, for most of us that is easy, others its not so easy.
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Feel free to share your thoughts, I tried my best to rant without leaving conflicting grey areas, it a very deep and layered topic that many people take for granted, and even then I tried to include every spectrum in a neutral topic.
Would you have a different arrangement on how variables affect us and our identity?
Also, don't ask about my 'friend' its just a ackward situation that's even messier then you think
I feel that my views are very open and modern, being accepting of all people and understanding that life has more factors and variables then we can perceive. in the end, our sexual orientation is who we are when we're born because genetics are just ugly
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TLDR: With enough encouragement even the straightest man would love to take a D
Edited by DIGI_Byte, 21 November 2013 - 02:23 PM.
