Splitting Hares
Posted 18 July 2021 - 01:09 PM
"Little Dutch Baby Doll." If your creepy doll doesn't have a "chubby baby body" then I don't even want it. Well... I probably don't want it regardless. Like everyone else. "Full body porcelain, open mouth with two top teeth, glass eyes." Why are these things always described like Vietnam War victims with prosthetic parts covering their horrible deformities? Listed for $30.
Actually, this doll reminds me of... someone.
Splitting Hares
Posted 18 July 2021 - 01:49 PM
By the way, I changed the title to "Indiana" since one Hoosier city wasn't enough to stock up the wall with horror and wonders aplenty. But we're staying in the state of course.
Splitting Hares
Posted 20 July 2021 - 09:00 AM
"Inflatable Slip n Slide." Remember the crazy Slip and Slide Lady? From page 3? Shhee's baacckk. If you don't recall, here's a Wall of Wonders and Horrors flashback episode filled with twists and turns. A lady was renting out a slip and slide for 2 days with ridiculously strict rules, such as limiting how many people you're allowed to give birth to, calling you a bully if you try and claim she's ripping people off, and here we find her just selling the dumb thing. The end of an era. She was trying to RENT it out for $250 + a $150 deposit for only 2 days. That's $400 to rent it for a weekend. How much is she selling it for? $350. I guess someone sneezed on it wrong or something and it's ruined for her. But now YOU can be the crazy Slip and Slide Lady. With great power comes great responsibility.
Ooph... too soon there, Raecheal.
Splitting Hares
Posted 28 July 2021 - 10:21 PM
"4 Plots." Just a guy casually willing to haggle over grave plots on a garage sale page. What better place to skim over gently used baby clothes and sets of empty graves? Listed for $800 per grave.
Splitting Hares
Posted 29 July 2021 - 09:49 AM
"Steampunk Samurai Warrior Maybe See Description." No, I didn't make that title. "Repurposed parts into metal sculpture looks like a bad ass warrior." Emphasis on bad. The seller doesn't know what it is, I don't know what it is... let's just settle on calling it trash, ok? Listed for $75. I guess that's where the "ass" part is emphasized.
Splitting Hares
Posted 02 August 2021 - 09:15 AM
"This is Us Wall Art." This is barely legible. Is that a picture or wet spaghetti noodles? Besides being horrible to look at, why is it being shown on a computer screen? "This is new and still in box." What box??? You're supposed to take a picture of the item, NOT the listing of the item on your computer you donut. Listed for $25. This is not going to sell.
Splitting Hares
Posted 12 August 2021 - 11:25 PM
"Picture so we don't get lost! Thank you!" No, thank you? Are you and your baby alone in the woods and are helped to navigate towards civilization if random people on Facebook admire your selfies? Minding the random picture to help keep her bearings, let's not look over the fact that she's looking for a "whale infant bath." Is it a bath for whale infants or a bath made out of whale infants? Good luck with your search for such a rare, exotic item.
Splitting Hares
Posted 15 August 2021 - 02:02 AM
"Does anyone know when Popeyes is going to be open?" ... WELL? Does anyone know? I ran of out Google coupons, so I can't check anywhere else but this garage sale page. Listed for $1.
Splitting Hares
Posted 28 August 2021 - 03:43 AM
"Tray for a small dog crate." Ok... where's the crate then? ... OH! Of course. I have one right here that's almost 21 wide. And about 29 and a half inches wide. And it just so happens to not have a tray covered in slobber, grease, and what appears to be feces. I've been looking for one of those. Things are finally looking up in my life. Listed for $5.
Splitting Hares
Posted 28 August 2021 - 10:54 PM
"Cricut cute jars." Yea, nothing says cute like the phrase "balls deep" protecting your children's Flintstone's vitamins. And the jokes for "crack cleaner" on a Kokomo, Indiana posting make themselves. "Also thinking for a hair tie jar to say tie me up but I don't have hair long enough so it didnt sell." ... What? The item you're not selling didn't sell because YOU didn't have long enough hair? Will the "Crack Cleaner" jar sell if your crack is clean? I'm not an expert in jar logic. Listed for $5 a jar and $10 for all 3.
Splitting Hares
Posted 30 August 2021 - 06:05 AM
"The Boil Queen." No, she's not the queen of swelling and inflammation of the skin resulting from the infection of a hair follicle. I hope. A very nice picture of her here in the middle of some random street. She has... egg cartons in her trunk? Pokemon cards? No idea, but she might have crabs. You can buy her and find out I guess. "Why the plug show me love? (show me love)" ... What? Listed for $25 per queen.
Splitting Hares
Posted 04 September 2021 - 08:42 AM
"3 piece bathroom set." If I had a nickel for every pervy bathroom decor piece I've seen on these pages, I still wouldn't buy any. Listed for $10.
Splitting Hares
Posted 11 September 2021 - 11:45 AM
"Doll parts art booth." Someone took all the beautifully handcrafted creepy dolls I've been advertising and turned them into horribly handcrafted creepy dolls. This guy apparently has so many severed dolls parts, he needs two buildings to sell them all at the local... Pork Festival? I guess there's a pork festival then. Pork enthusiasts are famous for their love of horror doll art.
Splitting Hares
Posted 16 September 2021 - 04:49 AM
"55in Philips." They're selling a flat screen TV (which is pretty much what every TV is anymore, so really no need to call it that), but the picture is some sort of... impossible geometry knitted flesh gourde? Is that black spot an eldritch rune? I dunno what I'm looking at. Listed for $100.
Splitting Hares
Posted 16 September 2021 - 09:21 AM
"Big tote full of Haloween bloody sheets for decor." A bag of blood-soaked sheets. Ok. It's Kokomo, so if you're shocked that these are actual used sheets caked in actual blood, the lesson is yours to learn. Listed for $5. Another literal bag of trash yours for the taking.
Splitting Hares
Posted 26 September 2021 - 03:22 AM
"Unicorn." Good condition? I won't make the obvious joke. Anyway, about the unicorn: I CAN BARELY SEE IT. Did these people learn photography from Helen Keller? Listed for $5.
Splitting Hares
Posted 26 September 2021 - 08:08 AM
"Flags." Does your sister-wife think your plantation decor can use some moonshine magic? This seller has just the right kind of Dixie dust to sprinkle over your incest-inspired interior. The South may not be rising again anytime soon, but in the meantime, enjoy this jpeg tractor over your favorite symbol of racism. Listed for 10 non-Confederate US dollars.
Splitting Hares
Posted 30 September 2021 - 08:32 AM
"Tooth Gems." Yep. I guess that's a thing. Tooth gems. If you wanted a permeant way to make people tell you "you've got a little something in your teeth," here you go. Tooth gems. Listed for $80... per tooth gem? I dunno. Tooth gems.
Splitting Hares
Posted 04 October 2021 - 08:17 AM
"Vintage Coffin." Ah, yes. A timeless question: "Why save money and make Halloween decorations when you can buy full-priced 200 year old antiques to shove your giant, plastic Spirit of Halloween skeletons in for one time per year?" It looks like it's used, dirty, and smelly, so that only means one thing.... it's from Kokomo. Listed for $125. Pretty good deal for a 19th century antique that totally wasn't stolen from a Confederate graveyard.
Splitting Hares
Posted 13 October 2021 - 10:56 AM
"Doll." Do my eyes deceive me? A GOOD condition creepy doll with weird eyelashes and deep-set cranial damage? Why, I've been looking everywhere for one of those. Listed for $5.
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