142 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

"Twin Memory Foam Bed with Platform."  Finally.  A mattress with all the colors of the rainbow.  Just in time for Pride Month.  Oh boy... I have a feeling this memory foam would rather not remember the horrors that occurred on it.  The seller claims these bounty of stains are not "urine or blood."  Always a good sign when you need to convince people of that with a product.  "Some coke and stuff that spilled or leaked."  Right.  They spilt Coke "and stuff" directly in the middle of the bed, around the groin area, under covers, blankets, and sheets.  Not even a Hutt makes that much of a mess with food.  Listed for free.  You would have to pay me to lay in that "not urine or blood."  Shine a black light over it for a cool neon effect.

[Pasidon]

"Vintage Precious Pets Monkey Doll."  Someone missed a few basic anatomy classes before designing this dumb looking thing.  Let's ignore the fact that it doesn't even look like a monkey and move onto some questions I have:

-Why does it have two sets of eyebrows?

-Why does it have a butt-crotch?

-Why are its feet merged into one super foot?

It also apparently has two left ears as well since "one of the left ears has fallen off."  Back to the test tube with you, demon.  Listed for $10.

[Pasidon]

"Reborn Landon Doll."  Great.  Another one of these horrible things.  This is Landon.  He's terrifying.  Do you want a terrifying toy that pretty much just looks like a dead baby in your house?  Here's your chance.  "Comes with things!"  Tentacles?  Regret?  "Human hair!"  Oh.  Oh, good.  And let's not ask about the studded S&M choker presented next to it.  Listed for a staggering $200.

[Pasidon]

"Looking for free Skids."  Just a guy looking for some skids.  Got any skids?  Do you even know what a skid is?  I don't know what a skid is.

 

The comments for this one are... interesting.

Spoiler

[Pasidon]

"Set Your Appointment Now!"  People who advertise their own businesses on garage sale pages sure do like to not advertise what their business actually is.  What is this supposed to be?  A winking delivery service?  An eyelid tattoo emporium?  A nice, comfortable place to slowly die without the judgement of other people?  I'm interested in all three.  Listed for $1 for whatever reason.

[Pasidon]

"Inflatable Slip and Slide."  OOHHHHHHH BOY.  Crazy person alert.  Get your tin foil hats out for this.  It's a good one.  This seller wants to rent out their rubber skin-ripping slide for 4th of July.  "This is brand new only used once."  How can something be used AND brand new?   If you want this "brand new" slide for 2 days, you have to follow "strict rules and guidelines."  That's an understatement.  "So if u don't want to follow them plz dont waste my time."  Gee-wiz.  Apparently the slip-and-slide lady has been burned before.  

 

If you're insane enough to contact this woman and get her dumb slide, here are the conditions.  You'll be paying $250 to rent it, PLUS a $150 deposit that you will get back if it's returned with that brand new condition.  "No excuses what so ever."  When she shows up on Sunday to pick it up, YOU will have to demonstrate that it can be blown up and demonstrate that it's cleaned "and will take pictures."  Uhh... ok?  Oh, and also, you have to sign a paper "stating that u agree to these conditions and i will take ur i.d info for my safety and for my item." Yes, the crazy lady with a slide and probably bags filled with gasoline in her Honda will make sure you're not one of those dangerous ANTIFA. 

 

It gets better.  She asks that "u try not to have more than 7 kids ages 1-9 or 3-4 kids ages 9-12."  That's right.  You'll have to clamp your womb shut and maybe throw away some of your extra kids to ensure her glass slide isn't destroyed.  But to end things off, she says, "if u can get ur own for cheaper have at it but keep ur stupid comments to ur self its really childish for putting people down yes i am asking $250 for the weekend $125 a day.  If something happens to it im going to want to replace it so grow up and go buy one if u dont like what im asking."  Yikes.  Good sales pitch.  Listed for your mortal soul if you want this stupid slide for 2 days.

 

"There's not one thing wrong with it." Besides the insane woman who owns it.  Comments for her post have been turned off.

[Pasidon]

"Vintage Pewter Mouse with Cheese Animal Figurine."  It's...  just weird.  And random.  Listed for $5.

[Pasidon]

"Mini Clown Dolls."  Does anyone really rake the internet in search of hideous clowns to decorate their houses with?  Probably not since there are so many people selling them and no one else is ever interested.  It's like trying to sell lice.  Good luck with that.  Listed for $12.

[Pasidon]

"Stain Glass Window Wall Decor KME."  What does KME even stand for?  Kill my emu?  Kick multiple estuaries?  King Milk Eaters?  Whatever it stands for, it very likely has nothing to do with you or the home it'll be decorating.  Listed for $20.

[Pasidon]

"How to Apply Baking Soda to Remove Belly Arm."  Is the title asking me or telling me how?  It's obviously a scam, but I found it charmingly uncreative.  All you have to do is mix baking soda, grapefruit or a lemon (same things I guess), and water into a bowl.  Just like the picture shows.  Do you apply it?  Eat it?  Snort it?  Whatever helps get rid of that annoying belly arm I have.  I also love the different art styles they have to demonstrate what probably won't happen when you do... whatever it is you're supposed to be doing.  Just ignore the water mark in the upper-right corner from the content they stole it from.  Listed for nothing, obviously.  I removed the link so no one gets any funny ideas.

 

Also, to go above and beyond the minimum effort to ensure they get people scammed, they say, "Pay attention we are removing inactive members if you see this post say something to stay in this group."  Yes, like the admin of a garage sale page would remove inactive members and also share their ancient Babylonian weight loss secret in one post.  Good way to kill two belly arms with one stone I guess.  No one would actually fall for this, right? ... r... right?  ... Right?

 

Spoiler

[Pasidon]

"Free Sectional- Need Gone ASAP!"  Yikes.  It already looks half gone.  Is that the couch Bugsy Segal was shot in 100 times?  "Condition: used-fair."  What?   Unless it was "used" in an acid bath, I'll have to disagree.  Listed for free.  I would certainly hope so.

 

Also comes with free dirt and grime caked into the fabric - along with a few extra surprises.

Spoiler

[Pasidon]

"1976 Jarman Bagboy Vintage."  Wh...  What am I looking at?  It looks like a bike with birth defects.  How do you ride this?  Are you supposed to ride this?  Is that a jock strap in the center?  "Driven NaN miles."  What does that even mean???  I think I'll stick with legs, thanks.  Listed for $50.

[Pasidon]

"3pc Vintage Enesco Set."  Um.  Right.  I'm no expert, but isn't this basically the plot to most anime?  Ba-da-ching.  Nice one, Pasidon  Listed for $10.

[Pasidon]

"Neon Splatter Nike Inhaler Holder Keychain."  Wait, hang on... this looks oddly familiar....

 

Spoiler

 

Did this woman just take the exact same hand sanitizer holder keychains and just relabel them for inhalers?  All signs point to yes.  Listed for $5.

[Pasidon]

"Baby Yoda Curtains."  Wooah.  More like Baby-Back Ribs Yoda.  Looks like Grogu got a bit bloated off deep-fried endangered species eggs for that photo.  Why would you even want a fat little alien baby on your curtain anyway?  Listed for $10.

[Pasidon]

"Bumbo Seat With Straps Maybe Used like 6 Times."  I like the sales pitch on this one: "its good trust me."  Ok!  Apparently Skip Lee here tested it out himself and has confirmed that it is, in fact, "good."  That blurry, vague photo that looks like it was taken on a 1998 Nokia phone certainly doesn't show it.  Listed for $25.

[Pasidon]

"Cash Register Drawer."  Remember that guy who was selling an ATM awhile back?  On page 2?  Heee'ss bbaacckkk.  And with more suspicious things that normal people shouldn't really have or be selling.  Here we have a cash register tray... but... where's the rest of it?  Why is it dented with scratches?  Why is it being presented with 3 random keys that don't look like they fit in the lock?  Let's take a wild guess.  Listed for $30.

[Pasidon]

"Ashton Drake "I Wish" Collection and Doll Cabinet."  Well, I wish these things into a furnace.  This seller bluntly asks: "Where are the creepy doll collectors?"  I dunno.  Why do YOU have a stockpile of creepy dolls to begin with?  "Letters of authenticity included."  Authenticity of what?  Hell blood coursing through their veins?  Keep your dirty dolls to yourself.  Listed for $100.

[Pasidon]

"Rat."  A woman is giving away a rat she just happens to have.  She doesn't even have a cage for it.  So... did she just... find... a rat... and is... giving... it... away?  Cool.  I think.  Listed for Free.

[Pasidon]

"Wall Decor."  S'bul eh oval glh.... I'm not sure how to speak Eldritch.  The message is probably wholesome, but I wouldn't bet on it.  Eluchit ffnol $10.