31 replies to this topic

[Paladin58]

This just in... A GLA hijacker just blew himself up with a neutron mine! This is a PWNED! News report, by Turd Ferguson. At 10:07 this morning, 100 miles from the capital of Iran, a terrorist presumed to be in the GLA terrorist group was killed today, along with 5 chickens. Apparently, the GLA terrorist was a member of the Hijacking corps, and has no relatives. According to sources the hijacker was minding his own business when he noticed a metal object in the ground. Apparently he kicked it, detonating the neutron warhead, and blowing himself up. The drifter who owned the chickens is hiring the ghost of Johnny Cochran to sue the GLA for eleventy bajillion dollars, for compensation for the lost chickens. This PWNED! News report was brought to you by the Lifetime channel, because their producers are douchebags.
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Funny? Or retarded?

Edited by Nology5890, 15 April 2006 - 07:28 AM.

[00 Nobody]

Hello and welcome back to THISISFAKE News, Channel Pi.

Today one man decide to do a homocidal suicide, using a woman's face to smother himself.

For the weather today, there is a good chance of raining carpet bombs on the GLA held city of Bladyblaba, in the Country of WHOGIVESACRAP?!? until 3:00 A.M.

This just in!

Nuclear-bomb-strapped newscasters have decided to blow themselves up!

This has been THISISFAKE News, Channel Pi.

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pals]

Recent update:
USA spends $1.5 billion purchasing GLA technology from a recently discovered black market. Why they did so is still unknown, and when the General was asked, he simply replied "Ummmmm...". More news later.

[00 Nobody]

This just in:

The GLA surrendered their leader to china who was abruptly attacked by the USA. When asked about it, the General Chief of Staff replied, "We wanted to interrogate him, he did more damage to us than China." Later on, we were contacted by the GLA themselves, who told us, amidst the war between China and the USA, the 'leader' they gave to China was just some soldier with good hair. They then offered us popcorn and watched the war unfold with us.

This has been, THISISFAKE News, Channel Pi.

Edited by 00 Nobody, 06 August 2006 - 02:12 PM.

[ghost squad]

welcome to THIS IS FAKE AND NOT REAL SO DONT BELIVE IT NEWS at 6:00.

today a man was killed by bees. his friend saw the whole thing while he was going the the market. this is what the friend said " i was gong to the market a...and i saw Bill. he saw me and waved and walked into a bush and triped. then he landed on a bee hive i guess. then i saw a fury of yellow things cover Bill. i went to help him by punching every bee in the face. i guess the bees understanded that when u r punched the face u go away and the bees left

and now the weather........ its going to be raining sh*t all week so board up those windows

[Seadust]

Breaking news from channel C&CGenerals(project raptor)

Airforce General Malcom Granger defeats general leang

as you can see from this footage particle cannons and planes abound are destroying the base as they took general leang by suprise

They came out of nowhere and bomber the weapon bunker, me and 2 tank hunters barely made it out with our life

now most of general leangs troops are retreating until the base is decimated

Coming up next: General fai is mugged by some GLA guys for no reason
See it on C&Cgenerals(project raptor) news

[Tigs2006]

This is just in!

Area 51 is abandoned and the whole base has been moved somewhere in the Desert of Utah!


This is Tigs2006 reporting in.

[sath]

News just in:

Today. everyones favourite Mcdonalds mascot: Ronald Mcdonald has revealed that he is a big time GLA supporter and for the past 6 years Ronald and Mcdonalds has been sneakily replacing toys in childrens happy meals with live fire-arms as was discovered too late by an unfortunate Mother who was seriously injured by gun-fire from her younger son who apparently was told that he didn't get in that bath he not be getting a PS3 for his birthday.

An investigation into Mcdonalds revealed that their food; which contains 'new and improved salt' was laced with chemicals designed to subtly alter brain functions turning sweet innocent kids into GLA terrorists, rebels, rpg troopers, saboteurs, Jarmen kells, snipers, technical drivers, tank crewmen and GLA workers. Mystery man DR. Thrax is believed to be the cause of this food poisoning.

Because of Dr. Thrax's actions, young children and Teenagers alike are sweeping the country in an orgy of store raiding, pillaging and rioting; pronouning Jihad on every non-rioter and police and military forces are unclear on how to solve the problem.
This problem is bound to get worse before it gets better.

This message has been brought to you by the channel of disaster, i'm Sathoon[i]

Edited by sath, 15 January 2007 - 06:39 PM.

[00 Nobody]

This just in! General Townes reportedly likes pie!

More on this at 10:00 tonight

[sath]

Breaking News:

Tragedy In Korea 13:25 Eastern Standard Time, when a Chinese armored convoy moving through Korea towards the middle-East containing Chinese subliminal messaging propaganda trucks went haywire; According to eye-witnesses of the disaster chinese troops were on the march when suddenly they stopped, started screaming at the sky and head-butting each-other, unfortunately the tanks also attempted to 'head-butt' the troops and other tanks, the scene involving the Emperor tank and the Dragon tank was 'amazing' according to a mother of 4. Rap containing Profane language flooded a nearby valley as the propaganda trucks went 'carny' which caused the mother's kids to go mad too and they promptly leapt into the convoy to add to the mayhem and then everyone started shooting each-other and vomiting, their eyes became huge swirls and their noses ran rivers of snot as they slaughtered each-other. An investigation by the Chinese revealed that the GLA may of been invloved in the incident, they believe that there may of been sabeteurs that had sabotaged the propaganda trucks and used them to 'stage' a 'thouroughly Satisfying show'. The Mother's children somehow survived but had in the time they had spent in the late-chinese convoy; had grown hair huge amounts of hair, according to the mother there was huge amounts of hair on their chests, legs, feet, arms and arm-pits, including excessive amounts of facial hair, ear hair, nose hair and eyebrow hair and head hair; They reportedly don't know what happened at the time and are not sure why they they have grown so much hair...
Stay tuned for more of this demented a** story as it becomes available

This message has been brought to you by the channel of disaster, i'm Sathoon

Edited by sath, 25 July 2007 - 07:14 PM.

[sath]

News just in from the Channel of Disaster:

earlier today, Col. Burton was found on the floor in the barracks, apparently he was swimming after his drowning long-lost brother, it turned out that his mouth pipe contained super skunk which made him believe that he was super man and could stop tanks dead in their tracks with 1 hand. More on this when Mr. Burton remembers.

In other news: Chinese hackers are being persecuted for browing p*rn sites and accidently picking up key-stroke loggers while they were stealing money; now the chinese hacker nation is now penniless after being hacked by the people they hacked- ownage!!!.

This has been a channel of disaster report: I'm Sath Oon

[Fire Ze Missiles!]

A bitter GLA Terrorist has just resigned - "I just don't have the will to die any more!"
The Terrorist (23) had been assigned to break a gap in the lines of UN forces in Europe. After running wildly at the enemy, he was shocked to find them surrender to him. "It was crazy!" he said, "I just ran screaming in the ordinary style, and instead of being shot and exploding the ten of them just lay down their arms in front of me!" The Terrorist says that he was greeted by repeated cries of "Nous surrendons!" and "Ou est le fromage?"
The man was so disheartened by this that he has "given up" being a Terrorist and has demoted himself to simple Rebel status. He is now sweeping all opposition before him as he walks harmlessly across France.