477 replies to this topic

[segwayrulz]

then your sattelite fall out of the sky and kills you and then evryone on earth does the mexican hat dance around the crashed satelite and your dead body.

[Vortigern]

And then I, back from the dead as a hot, sexy and very well-attired vampire chappy, bite you in the neck and drink all your blood, leaving you a dried-up husk. I then spit it out because it tastes foul, and devour Silverx instead. He's tastier. I then devour everyone else who's doing that stupid Mexican hat dance and not paying attention to their imminent DOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[segwayrulz]

then all my blood soaks back into me.
then Shoot With a flare gun

[Thats me!]

No it wasn't my satellite that fall into earth,it was vortigern's one that i have destroyed,and cos he is a vampire,he can't restain sun light,so he died this morning,and we all come back alive.

[Vortigern]

No, I'm a special kind of vampire, like Blade. You all suck. Or, more accurately, I suck. Your blood. As you're both wrong, everything you said is undone, you're all still dead. That's causality for you.

And now it's time for the effect! Over to you guys!

[some_weirdGuy]

then i just walk through the carnage, with vort biting people and segway and silverx running,

i then just keep walking....

[Vortigern]

And I walk right after you. Exactly in your footsteps, because I'm freakishly paranoid and have a phobia of making my own footprints. I walk exactly nine paces behind you and really creep you out, because I also adjust my speed to match yours. I have thus turned this into a psychological war.

[segwayrulz]

Then I shoot both of you with my flare gun

[Vortigern]

But because it's a flare gun, it fires off in a spiral and misses us both. In the sudden blinding flash of light when the flare goes off, SWG spontaneously bursts into flame. I then stand and laugh and refuse to piss it out, so he slowly burns to death as an indirect consequence of my inaction.

[Fire Ze Missiles!]

Unfortunately for the flare user, vampires don't actually die from flares anyway. It's only a 5000 degree heat, no holy symbols, running water, anything.
Anyways, I creep behind ole' vampire-face here and stake him in both his hearts (Yes, I see that coming! ) and his head.

[some_weirdGuy]

and his groin and anywhere else a heart could be hidden

[Vortigern]

Lucky for me, I'm wearing my spare torso! I make a quick change in true theatrical fashion, and then slap you right across the face (both of you ), and, remembering that I have sexy massive vampire-fingernails, I gouge your eyes out in the process. So you're both blind, bleeding to death and being laughed at by an irritating yet morbidly attractive and well-dressed gentleman.

[segwayrulz]

then a headcrab out of half life brings me back and now im a zombie but my mind is soo powerful that I can control myself and I rip you to shreds then eat the tiny peices.

Edited by segwayrulz, 01 February 2008 - 11:13 PM.

[Vortigern]

Unfortunately, I'm a vampire who is still partial to seafood, and I eat your headcrab before you have a chance to use it to any effect. I also have a time machine, y'see. As FZM so rightly suggested, I have two hearts. For I am... *drumroll* The Fool! Yet another mysterious Time Lord, but not played by Derek Jacobi, John Simm, David Tennant, Christopher Ecclestone or any other Doctor of the past! For I am me! But yeah, as I have a TARDIS, I nip back and punch Segway in the face, after eating his headcrab. Headcrabs are seafood, right? *has never played Halflife*

[Fire Ze Missiles!]

Yeah...one of us really should get Half-Life...also, *in stereotypical black voice* damn boy, ain't you ever gonna die?

I bleed on you from my eyes. You are disturbed (because you are a haemophobic vampire...suttup, I know it doesn't work ). Psychological War round 2 to me! Ahah!

Edited by Fire Ze Missiles!, 05 February 2008 - 08:05 PM.

[some_weirdGuy]

lol
(i was about to say that you were afraid of blood, till i found out what haemophobia is, lol, beat me too it FZM)


anyway, a head crab isn't sea food, as it looks like a roast chicken or turkey



so you die, and segway dies because it wasn't actually a head crab but was an actual roast chicken9but they do look like roast chickens in the game, so it was an easy mistake)

yeah, you all died cause you felt so silly about playing with a roast chicken thinking it was a head crab

[Vortigern]

It's true, shame is the one weakness of a stylish vampire such as myself. Fortunately, I was wearing my spare face, so I quickly hide, rip my face off and reveal the real one underneath! And nobody is any the wiser. By the way, it is normal for people like me to wear several spare body parts at any time, as you never know when it could save your life! And as a nearly-immortal being, I've grown rather fond of my life. Fortunately, however, I never grew fond of yours at all, so I go on a savaging spree. You all get owned.

[Fire Ze Missiles!]

I grow tired of this incessant vampirism... I throw you into a fast flowing river filled with holy-symbols and garlic essence.

[Vortigern]

And I crawl out as a vampire-zombie. I am now super-undead and unstoppable by any mortal weapon, a la The Mummy. Bring it on.

[Fire Ze Missiles!]

Well, no worries as you crawl out a hell of a long way downstream (I mentioned that it was fast-flowing ) And seeing as you're now a self-confessed zombie it'll take you at least 3 days to shamble slowly back to where the action is. And that's a fact. No arguing!

PS, I dispatch Brendan Fraser and co. to stop you.