648 replies to this topic

[Pasidon]

Oh. Now we like the topic...

[Elvenlord]

I'll just leave this here
Osama, you say?

[mike_]

Hey. Hey guys. Vote in the poll found here, I'm going to write the next culture bio about which ever of the bottom two is leading higher by the time I finish the current one.

Also, comment on the Blogs pl0x. Kthxbye

[Vortigern]

End of the world today. Should be exciting. And it means I won't have to bother finishing my goddamn dissertation, or either of my other essays. Huzzah!

So yeah, see you guys back here tomorrow?

[Ash]

Ah well. If all us unbelievers die in ten minutes, at least I won't have to do all that fucking paperwork tomorrow.

[olli]

Wait!

It's meant to last 5 months... the REAL end of the world is the 21st of October! You'll all be sorry then wont you! The righteous will be saved!


Failing that, there is always 2012... Mayan calender or some other tribal shit. Maybe we'll piss off the Inca Gods. or Norse gods. Or Egyptian Gods. Or Greek Gods. there must be some claptrap predictions in one of these eras.

[mike_]

Guys, it doesn't count until 6:00 PM American time.

[olli]

I read somewhere it was 6pm local for each area of the world

[Elvenlord]

....Which American time?

[Beowulf]

It's 10 PM CDT. Nothing.

Take that, doomsday idiots!

[Phil]

Doomsday? Did I miss anything?

[Vortigern]

No.

[olli]

Just another bunch of Bible bashing cock-trolls, trolling the forum of the world by spouting their pure dung that we will all perish in brimstone and fire, and it's all to do with the gays...They started it, and it seems like the bumming and sodomising of men is just TOO much for God to take now, even though back in the days, blokes would slip it up what they could and were smashing the back doors in of other blokes long before it became 'sinful'

[Ash]

Apparently, he got the date wrong..

Well, you know what, Harold? I bet you £10,000,000 that you're wrong again.

The advantage to this bet is that it's safe as houses for me. It's almost a reverse Pascal's Wager - if I'm right, I don't burn in Hell AND I'm ten mil to the good. If I'm wrong, sure, I die but on the other hand I can renege on the bet on account of, yknow, being dead!

[Vortigern]

Also he'll have been raptured so couldn't collect.

It's amazing the amount of bullshit some people are willing to believe. Honestly mind-boggling.

[olli]

Some followers donated their life savings or simply gave away their worldly possessions as the day approached.

he said he could not give financial advice to those who spent their life savings in the belief the end was nigh.

Hilarious. Absolutely no sympathy for them. That's what happens when you listen to a fucktard who pulls a prediction out his ass, because a few numbers in the bible add up, and if you divide them by 2, then add the number of Jesus's followers, then multiple the number of times God has killed people, and take the second verse of the 5th gospel an count the words and... blah blah blah... it weirdly comes to the 21st of May! Shit! Jesus is coming down. Look busy.

And the guy looks like he has an extra pair of chromosomes. Have you seen his ears? They looks like one of those mega crisps that you sometimes pull out of a crisp packet. It's a rare moment, but it feels friggin' great seeing those 3 or 4 crisps fused together to give you a mega crunch.
Why would you listen to someone who has mega crisps for ears?

"I've been mocked and scoffed and cursed at," said Jeff Hopkins, a retired TV producer in New York state who spent some of his savings customising his car to showcase Mr Camping's warning.

"It's like getting slapped in the face."

Just gets better and better. I can't help but think the phrase "only in America"...

Asked if he had any advice to offer those who had given away their material wealth in the belief the world was about to end, Mr Camping said they would cope.

Yeah, they'll get buy. It's not like they've got no money to buy food or anything, or carry on living normally. Yeah, they'll cope. They will find comfort in God I'm sure... The God who so selfishly didn't annihilate us all and save them.

"We just had a great recession. There's lots of people who lost their jobs, lots of people who lost their houses... and somehow they all survived," he said.

They all survived because they are living on a fucking soup kitchen floor.

"We're not in the business of giving any financial advice," he added.

"We're in the business of telling people maybe there is someone you can talk to, and that's God."

Maybe he should talk to God a bit more often, so they can sort their shit out and get more organised.

[Ash]

What amuses most is how the various churches of the world are the richest organisations in the world. Yet a large proportion of their followers live in poverty.

Does the Pope intend to donate any of his vast, inconceivable wealth to help those poor starving AIDS-ridden Catholics in Africa? No, didn't think so. Instead, it passes around the collection plate. Even in Africa.

[Vortigern]

But how else will the Pope be able to maintain his giant hat and sweet ride?

[olli]

It's been shown before, but I fucking love it.

Edited by olli, 25 May 2011 - 12:07 PM.

[Vortigern]

I had one hell of a weird experience yesterday. Scene-setting: in Sheffield every year there is a free festival called Peace In The Park. There's music and food and political groups being all friendly and after your money (except the anarchists, nobody's really sure what they're after) and most people turn up and sit down on the grass near the stages and get stoned or drunk, or both. So, we'd started early and had been drinking from about half past 10, so by 3 we were all pretty enjoyably drunk. However, we all needed the toilet, and the queues were fucking enormous. I was all in favour of finding a bush, but apparently girls don't like that so much, so we trekked to Tesco to use their toilets, but it turned out plenty of other people had thought of that too. Anyway, I have a low blood pressure problem which occasionally comes out in fainting spells, which I suspect is when combined with heavy drinking and a level of dehydration. (I'm currently experimenting to see what makes it happen worst. It's not going well.) So, there we were in the queue for the gents in Tesco, and I'm feeling a bit off-colour, and then literally the moment I get through the door into the single available toilet, I pass out, and smack my head on the wall on the way down, so when I come to I'm even more confused than usual. This situation is made all the worse by the fact that I find myself being furiously shouted at by a fat transsexual. Shoulder-length blonde hair, rugged jawline, deep manly voice, pretty hefty tits and wearing heels. Then my friend came back and had a go at him/her and made it apologise to me, which was nice, and the Tesco staff were lovely and gave me a free drink and kitkat. Oh, and one of my female friends said the tranny had been in the queue behind her first, loudly wondering which toilet shcle should use.

So the moral of this story is, when confronted with angry transsexuals, always bring backup. And passing out in shops gets you free stuff.