1312 replies to this topic

[Neth]

Granted, but now you know everything and everyone comes to you for help and you die prematurly due to stress.

I wish I was cooler. (Even though thats impossible)

Edited by Nethelen Narcu, 03 April 2009 - 04:37 PM.

[True Lord of Chaos]

Granted, you can spell things correctly now. But, now everyone who can't spell, which is seemingly everyone, goes to you for spelling help every day. You hate crowds, and generally fear them, and commit suicide out of fear.

I wish I wasn't confused.(read I Feel Terrible for more information)

[Copaman]

Granted. You've now discovered that you love her madly. And when I say madly, I mean angrily. Somehow, you gain access to a top-secret matter deconstructor gun which was reverse-engineered at Area 51, and show up at her house with it. After you ask her out again, she turns you down. This enrages you, and you go on a deconstructing spree... starting with her. The one kink they couldn't work out of the ray gun at Area 51: you feel the pain of everything you deconstruct. In your rampage, you destroy an entire city and somehow manage to withstand the terrible pain that you experence. As you march down the road, the government shows en masse and has deconstruction-proof tanks. In order to save yourself from the embarrassment, you try deconstructing yourself, but the gun breaks halfway through the deconstruction. You spend the rest of your life without a lower half, and the pain of deconstruction haunts you until the end of time.

I wish I could decide which song to play at my school's talent show: Dammit, Carousel, or Adam's Song.

[True Lord of Chaos]

Granted, you choose a bad song out of those.

Choose Adam's Song, the only Blink-182 I like

I wish she didn't have a boyfriend

[Copaman]

I'm playing Carousel. It's more BA and less emo.

Granted, but when you go to ask her out again, she tells you she's lesbian. Which crushes you. (This is totally possible. I had a girl cheating on her boyfriend for me. When she broke up with her boyfriend I thought I was gonna hit it finally, and then she came out of the closet. Total lolwut moment.)

I wish I could find out when the talent show is... it determines whether I'm playing and singing solo, or with a bassist.

[Vortigern]

Granted, but the only slot still available is in a barbershop quartet who lost a member to quantum fluctuations in the universal doom field. You have to wear a bright red waistcoat and a straw hat, and midway through the performance the stage gives way underneath your right foot and you find yourself trapped with one foot under, one foot over. The video then becomes the number one most viewed video on Youtube, and you become famous as 'that barbershop guy who fell through the stage'. You never live it down.

I wish I had somewhere to put my trunk now that I've taken all my clothes out of it. (It's a big ol' black trunk that I use to carry my stuff to and from my room at uni.)

[segwayrulz]

granted, you find a nice dumpster outside the building a rat jumps on you and you catch the bubonic plauge, you die.

I wish i was an anthro ninetales instead of a human.

[some_weirdGuy]

Granted. You get to be a freak just like you want. To bad nobody likes freaks, and they ridicule you.
((there are so many ways i could corrupt this wish segway, so its not as uncorruptable as you think. I could say government take you and experiment on you, i could say you die because a furry is genetically screwed up, i could say you get raped by dogs, and so many different things.))

[Copaman]

I wish you had given me a wish to corrupt.

[True Lord of Chaos]

Granted, it's you dying.

I wish the Roleplay 2 server on Renegade was online.

[Ferveo]

Granted, but no-one has any talent.

I wish Margaret Thatcher had never existed.

[Vortigern]

Granted, but without her England let Pinochet have the Falkland Islands, and the victory went to his head so he invaded more and more places, eventually coming to control all of South America before he moved on up through Panama and Mexico and invaded Texas. The USA responded with full force, nuking Argentina, at which point a retaliatory strike was prepared by the USSR, which had survived due to help from the Argentines, united in hatred of the United States, and World War 3 broke out, destroying 97% of the human race and leaving the remaining 3% to struggle for survival in a world of giant mutant cockroaches and rats the size of cars, which were fortunately all wiped out by flesh-eating starlings roughly on a par with a Boeing 747.

I wish Gordon Brown had never inherited power.

[CIL]

Granted. Queen Elizabeth inherits the power instead. As she has no skill ruling an entire nation... the United Kingdom crumbles and fractures into Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland. They all feud for power. Unfortunately, the queen dies. Her heir is even more stupid and purges all known members of the royal family in Europe to secure his power. He gets shot shortly after by the husband of a murdered descendant of the royal family. He is promptly executed afterwards. The Brits look to America to supply them with an heir, and one is found. The House of Plantagenet is restored with MY ascension to the Throne of England.

I wish I knew why Republicans believe in denying people rights.

Edited by CIL, 20 April 2009 - 04:58 AM.

[Vortigern]

Granted, but that knowledge doesn't help you in any way, and when the Republicans find out you know their secrets they come after you and send you to an island somewhere in the middle of the Pacific. It's not too bad there, but you are known as Number 68, which means there are 68 other people laughing at you: Numbers 1-67 and Number 69, because he reckons he's on to a winner with his number. You try to escape but are shot down by the Republican Army, which is made up of battle drones from the future. Time travel is one of the other Republican secrets.

By the way, there's no h in Wales, and currently the heir to the throne is Prince Charles, who is a big-eared moron with a giant habitual foot in his mouth.

I wish I could write as well as Neil Gaiman.

[CIL]

Granted. You become lost in thought and write on about your insane ideas, as you have sacrificed sanity for mastery of writing. When you publish your works, you see them as masterpieces. Oprah recommends them and invites you onto her show. Your true insanity shows there. You jump on the couch and then body slam her. The guards shoot you and you live on as a ghost.

I wish I was corrupt (corrupt THAT ).

Also, I'm horribly ashamed you had to point that out about my spelling of Wales . It's just that I'm dealing with evolution in my science class and had to deal with how whales evolved from wolf-like critters in Arabia. And Charles goes crazy in my corruption.

Also, you've been playing Fable II too much .

Edited by CIL, 13 April 2009 - 10:52 PM.

[Vortigern]

I have never played Fable II. Or Fable I for that matter. I'm not a big gamer.

Granted, but because you failed to identify and accurately use the subjunctive clause, your wish is null and void. It should have been 'I wish I were corrupt'. Nobody ever remembers that one, but that doesn't mean it's OK to ignore it.

Alternative non-grammar-based corruption:

Granted, you are a highly corrupt government official, and are found out sooner rather than later. When the public find out quite how much you've embezzled over the years they not only demand that your head roll, they decide to make sure of it on their own initiative. It's been a while since the old guillotine was used, but it's still sharp.

Also, I would totally sacrifice mad writing skills for my sanity. To a certain degree, anyway. As long as I maintained basic control over my body, that's good enough.

I wish I had a big bushy beard.

[segwayrulz]

Granted, you walk down the street the day after and are mistaken for a dwarf. You become followed by Lord of the Rings fans and you can't shave it off.

I wish that I could go to a furry meet.

(You don't seem to capitalize well.)

Edited by True Lord of Chaos, 14 April 2009 - 02:37 AM.
Capitalization

[True Lord of Chaos]

Granted, you find your true lover: a fat, ugly, almost masculine woman in an Eevee costume. You have furfag children, and they look almost like real furries.

Your corruption was about .00000287381 Vortigerns.
How about mine Vortigern?

I wish I didn't have the WASL tomorrow. (Washington Assessment of Student Learning)

[Vortigern]

Granted, you don't take the exam and you end up with no qualifications, etc. -> Death in gutter, alone, friendless, in horrible poverty, disease-ridden, you know the score. I can't really be bothered today.

Honestly, I'm afraid that last corruption was only around 0.1 Vortigerns. This one is only around 0.3, though. See post #1232 for a full Vortigern.

I wish I had a tail like a scorpion, armour-plated and with a lethal stinger. (And please, no clumsy self-stinging.)

[Copaman]

Granted. Somehow, it goes unnoticed for another four years, which you are OK with. Somehow, we elect another bumbling idiot to office here in the states, and your stinger tail gets pegged as a terrorist-manufactured WMD - in getting your tail, your parents automatically became terrorists. You did too. Your name is Uliq M'Diiq now. Aware of your tail's assumed WMD status, you take to the road, running from the US Armed Forces wherever you go: you are a refugee with a WMD strapped to your back. Except it's not a WMD, but noone knows that. You spend three years and 11.5 months running around the world, and just as you think you are safe from the US military what with the elections coming up, they find you. Your tail is amputated and you are sent to the electric chair for running from the military for so long. It takes them three hours to kill you through electrocution, and you are conscious for all of it. Worst part: because the military found you, the idiot who had been in office got reelected. Way to fuckin' go.

I wish I could get a full-ride scholarship to the University of Pennsylvania.