153 replies to this topic

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

Post your jokes here.
No smutty jokes though,there are sensitive people around.
Post the jokes in Quote tags.


I'll start with a couple of my favourites
I love these sort of jokes.

What's green and Brown and if it falls from a tree it can kill you?

A Pool Table

What's big and grey and stands in a field?

A filing cabinet

What's big and white and if it falls from a tree it can kill you?

A Pool table disguised as a fridge.

[Vortigern]

What's big and green and can't fly?



A field.

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

I have a joke I used to tell when I was a kid.

Knock Knock...
Who's there?
Knock Knock
Who's there?

Repeat till they snap or lose interest always cracks me up and still does


Another joke I liked growing up I hope I get it right.
This is the compressed version.

3 men in a plane,the Plane starts to have problems,they must lose some weight or the plane will crash so each of the men choose to throw something out.

The first me throws a Bike out of the Plane
The Second throws a Typewriter out
And the third throws a Bomb.

Down on the ground a man walks down the street and sees a little Girl crying he asks
"why are you crying little girl?"
She says "I was just standing here when a Bike fell out of the sky and hit me on my head"
He walks on and sees a Second girl crying he ask
"why are you crying little girl?"
She responds "I was just playing when this Typewriter fell from the sky and hit me on the head"
He walks on a sees a little boy laughing he asks
"Why are you laughing little boy?"
"Because I just farted and the house next door blew up"

I love that joke

Edited by Radspakr, 27 April 2009 - 02:40 PM.

[Mathijs]

What's big and green and can't fly?



A field.

Yes! Anti-jokes!

What's worse then having an empty fridge?

The Holocaust.

[Bart]

A farmer is standing on the riverside. With him are a wolf, a goat and a cabbage. He needs to get them and himself all across the river, using a boat.

However, he can only take one of them at a time, and if left alone, the goat will eat the cabbage, and get eaten by the wolf.

How can he solve this?

Spoiler

- Take goat
- Go back
- Take cabbage
- Take goat back
- Take wolf
- Go back
- Take goat

[Rafv Nin IV]

That's not funny. Did you mean to post that in the riddles section?

EDIT: How did you do the black box thing?

Edited by Rafv Nin IV, 27 April 2009 - 05:05 PM.

[Allathar]

I know, this thread needs some Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day God rested... Chuck Norris took over.

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris does not need spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 0,99 every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Edited by Allathar, 27 April 2009 - 05:10 PM.

[Mathijs]

Good job ruining a thread there bro.

I haaaate Chuck Norris jokes.

[Lurtzy]

I agree......

[Allathar]

Well, don't exaggerate gentlemen. Sure, you can dislike Chuck Norris jokes, but that doesn't mean Chuck Norris can ruin the thread.

[Vortigern]

There are a few good Chuck Norris/Vin Diesel jokes out there. They mostly overlap. Here's one of my favourites, though:

There's no I in team. There are two I's in Vin Diesel. Bring it on, team.

Also, back to the whole anti-jokes theme:

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?





Getting raped.

[Rafv Nin IV]

Theology is like a blind man, searching in a dark room, for a cat that isn't there--and finding it.

Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Religion is like dandruff. Most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it, and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.

Edited by Rafv Nin IV, 27 April 2009 - 10:36 PM.

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

I love Chuck Norris/Mr T/Vin Deisel jokes.

I have another I came up with when I was younger and I still find funny but be warned when using it.

I know a big stupid joke... you

[Devon]

That's not funny. Did you mean to post that in the riddles section?

EDIT: How did you do the black box thing?

put spoiler in the [ ]s


None of these are funny, except the anti-jokes

[Mathijs]

So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."

[Devon]

A frenchman stops smoking.

[Mathijs]

Not bad.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He didn't. He got hit by a bus.

[Vortigern]

Hey, are dead baby jokes still funny? I hesitate to post them up in case people get horribly offended, but I know some great ones.

[Mathijs]

How did the dead baby cross the road?

He was nailed to the chicken.

[Vortigern]

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?


You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Why couldn't the dead baby get through the revolving door?


He had a javelin through his head.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?


I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?


Depends how hard you throw them.

What's more fun than spinning a dead baby round on a tetherball post?


Stopping it with a shovel.

Don't call me a racist for this one, it's just a joke:

Why did Hitler kill himself?


He saw the gas bill.