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#21 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 01:25 PM

How do you get 1 baby into 10 buckets?...
Blender
How do you get it out?
Corn Chips


I have the body of a 14 year old boy...buried in my yard


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#22 Lauri

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 01:54 PM

Two TVs was going over the road.
Suddenly, on got hit by a truck.
Then the other one said, "Come on, flat screen"


Edited by Lauri, 28 April 2009 - 01:54 PM.

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#23 Puppeteer

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 04:01 PM

What's better than winning the special Olympics?
Being normal.



#24 Nertea

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 07:03 PM

my gods vort, that hitler one... took me a second to get but then HAHA. Offensive and funny, just the way I like 'em.

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#25 Vortigern

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 07:15 PM

Glad you liked it, Nertea. :p

What's worse than ten babies in a trash can?


One baby in ten trash cans.
(Alternative answer: The Holocaust. :p)


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#26 Allathar

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 07:39 PM

Hehe, those anti-jokes are better than Chuck Norris :p
It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren't being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP

#27 Vortigern

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 09:20 PM

Two guys are chatting, and one makes an anti-joke with 'The Holocaust' as the punchline.
"Hey," says the other. "That's not funny. My grandpa died in the holocaust."
"Oh, I'm sorry-" the first guy starts to say.
"He fell off his guard tower."


I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#28 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 09:52 PM

I like that one :p

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#29 Rafv Nin IV

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Posted 28 April 2009 - 11:04 PM

Followup to the pickup truck one:

Why would you ever want to unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?


So you know which ones are alive.


What's the difference between a baby and a Snickers bar?


About 800 calories.


What's blue and thrashes around on the ground?


A baby playing with a plastic sack.


How many babies can you fit in a microwave?


Three.


Edited by Rafv Nin IV, 28 April 2009 - 11:05 PM.

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#30 Kwen

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 12:02 AM

Whats worse then ten babies nailed to one tree?


One baby nailed to ten trees.


Three girls fall off a cliff. a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. While falling a little bird flies down and tells them "you'll land in whatever you wish for to save your life. Just yell it out really loud."

So the redhead yells out "VOLLEYBALL!". She lands in a pile of volleyballs, lives.
The brunette yells out "ICE CREAM!". She lands in a pile of ice cream, lives.
The blonde yells "SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

:p


Edited by SDK Kwen, 29 April 2009 - 12:07 AM.

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#31 Vortigern

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 12:25 AM

Three blondes go hunting in the woods, and they come across some tracks.
"They're deer tracks," says the first.
"No, they're bear tracks," says the second.
"I think they're bird tracks," says the other blonde.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.


I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#32 Kwen

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 02:36 AM

I like that one :p

2 blind guys walk into a bar.

neither survived the trip to the hospital.


Yes I know that was lame :p

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#33 Mathijs

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 02:39 AM

No, it was an anti-joke. They are awesome. :p

What did the hooker say to the priest?

That was a wonderful sermon, I'm looking forward to the next service.


No fuel left for the pilgrims


#34 Kwen

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 03:09 AM

What do you call having sex with a prostitute against her will?

Shoplifting


Edited by SDK Kwen, 29 April 2009 - 03:10 AM.

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#35 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 06:29 AM

2 blind guys walk into a bar.

neither survived the trip to the hospital.


There is a similar one I like

2 men walked into a bar,the third one ducked


Edited by Radspakr, 29 April 2009 - 06:30 AM.

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#36 Vortigern

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 05:07 PM

This only makes sense if you are familiar with hipster/indie rock culture:

What's the best way to piss off an indie rocker?


Actually enjoy music.


I hope I am a good enough writer that some day dwarves kill me and drink my blood for wisdom.

#37 Bart

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 05:12 PM

What's red, but not a strawberry?

A strawberry anyway


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#38 Puppeteer

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 05:56 PM

That guard tower joke made me properly laugh out loud, Vortigern :p

What makes nine out of ten people happy?
Gang rape.


Edited by Puppeteer, 29 April 2009 - 05:56 PM.


#39 Radspakr Wolfbane

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Posted 29 April 2009 - 10:18 PM

They are getting a little unclean but very funny :p

Veni Vidi Vegie
I came I saw I had the salad


Veni Vidi Video
I came I saw I taped it for later


I heard they invented Viagra Eyedrops
They force you to have a long hard look at yourself


Edited by Radspakr, 29 April 2009 - 10:19 PM.

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#40 Kwen

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Posted 30 April 2009 - 03:32 AM

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school.
The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig.
He walks a little further and kicks a cow.
Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man!
For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I ?"


A guy walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, “Listen, I’m having three girls over tonight. I need help.”

The pharmacist hands the guy Viagra Extra Strength and says, “Take all these and you’ll go berserk for 12 hours.”

The next day the same guy walks into the drugstore, limps up to the pharmacist, and drops his pants. His "junk" is all bruised and tied in a knot, and skin is hanging off in some places. He says, “Gimme a tube of Icy Hot.”

The pharmacist replies in horror, “You can’t put Icy Hot on that!”

“No, it’s for my wrists,” the guy moans. “The girls never showed up.”


Edited by SDK Kwen, 30 April 2009 - 03:35 AM.

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