153 replies to this topic

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

How do you get 1 baby into 10 buckets?...
Blender
How do you get it out?
Corn Chips

I have the body of a 14 year old boy...buried in my yard

[Lauri]

Two TVs was going over the road.
Suddenly, on got hit by a truck.
Then the other one said, "Come on, flat screen"

Edited by Lauri, 28 April 2009 - 01:54 PM.

[Puppeteer]

What's better than winning the special Olympics?
Being normal.

[Nertea]

my gods vort, that hitler one... took me a second to get but then HAHA. Offensive and funny, just the way I like 'em.

[Vortigern]

Glad you liked it, Nertea.

What's worse than ten babies in a trash can?


One baby in ten trash cans.
(Alternative answer: The Holocaust. )

[Allathar]

Hehe, those anti-jokes are better than Chuck Norris

[Vortigern]

Two guys are chatting, and one makes an anti-joke with 'The Holocaust' as the punchline.
"Hey," says the other. "That's not funny. My grandpa died in the holocaust."
"Oh, I'm sorry-" the first guy starts to say.
"He fell off his guard tower."

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

I like that one

[Rafv Nin IV]

Followup to the pickup truck one:

Why would you ever want to unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?


So you know which ones are alive.

What's the difference between a baby and a Snickers bar?


About 800 calories.

What's blue and thrashes around on the ground?


A baby playing with a plastic sack.

How many babies can you fit in a microwave?


Three.

Edited by Rafv Nin IV, 28 April 2009 - 11:05 PM.

[Kwen]

Whats worse then ten babies nailed to one tree?


One baby nailed to ten trees.

Three girls fall off a cliff. a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. While falling a little bird flies down and tells them "you'll land in whatever you wish for to save your life. Just yell it out really loud."

So the redhead yells out "VOLLEYBALL!". She lands in a pile of volleyballs, lives.
The brunette yells out "ICE CREAM!". She lands in a pile of ice cream, lives.
The blonde yells "SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

Edited by SDK Kwen, 29 April 2009 - 12:07 AM.

[Vortigern]

Three blondes go hunting in the woods, and they come across some tracks.
"They're deer tracks," says the first.
"No, they're bear tracks," says the second.
"I think they're bird tracks," says the other blonde.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

[Kwen]

I like that one

2 blind guys walk into a bar.

neither survived the trip to the hospital.

Yes I know that was lame

[Mathijs]

No, it was an anti-joke. They are awesome.

What did the hooker say to the priest?

That was a wonderful sermon, I'm looking forward to the next service.

[Kwen]

What do you call having sex with a prostitute against her will?

Shoplifting

Edited by SDK Kwen, 29 April 2009 - 03:10 AM.

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

2 blind guys walk into a bar.

neither survived the trip to the hospital.

There is a similar one I like

2 men walked into a bar,the third one ducked

Edited by Radspakr, 29 April 2009 - 06:30 AM.

[Vortigern]

This only makes sense if you are familiar with hipster/indie rock culture:

What's the best way to piss off an indie rocker?


Actually enjoy music.

[Bart]

What's red, but not a strawberry?

A strawberry anyway

[Puppeteer]

That guard tower joke made me properly laugh out loud, Vortigern

What makes nine out of ten people happy?
Gang rape.

Edited by Puppeteer, 29 April 2009 - 05:56 PM.

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

They are getting a little unclean but very funny

Veni Vidi Vegie
I came I saw I had the salad

Veni Vidi Video
I came I saw I taped it for later

I heard they invented Viagra Eyedrops
They force you to have a long hard look at yourself

Edited by Radspakr, 29 April 2009 - 10:19 PM.

[Kwen]

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school.
The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig.
He walks a little further and kicks a cow.
Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man!
For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I ?"

A guy walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist, “Listen, I’m having three girls over tonight. I need help.”

The pharmacist hands the guy Viagra Extra Strength and says, “Take all these and you’ll go berserk for 12 hours.”

The next day the same guy walks into the drugstore, limps up to the pharmacist, and drops his pants. His "junk" is all bruised and tied in a knot, and skin is hanging off in some places. He says, “Gimme a tube of Icy Hot.”

The pharmacist replies in horror, “You can’t put Icy Hot on that!”

“No, it’s for my wrists,” the guy moans. “The girls never showed up.”

Edited by SDK Kwen, 30 April 2009 - 03:35 AM.