153 replies to this topic

[Kwen]

I think you mean Colonel

[Bofur]

two fish were swimming along and hit a concrete wall. One turned to the other and said "damn"

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet,He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath.
This made him A Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and asks for a drink the Barman says "I'll serve you but don't start anything".

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

2 Eskimos are sitting in a kayak and were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,proving once again that you
can't have Kayak and heat it too.

[_Haldir_]

Why did the little girl fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?

Get in the car.

Why did Fred fall of his tractor?

Because Fred was a tomato.

Why didn't the cat drink its milk?

Because it had no face.

How many elephants can you fit into a mini?

Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit into a mini?

None. It's full of elephants.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in apple trees.

How did Tarzan die?

Picking apples.

What's harder than getting a pregnant elephant into the back of your car?

Getting an elephant pregnant in the back of your car.

How do you know when there is an elephant in your fridge?

There are footprints in the butter.

How do you know when there are two elephants in your fridge?

You can hear giggling when the light goes out.

How do you know when there are three elephants in your fridge?

You can't close the door properly.

How do you know when there are four elephants in your fridge?

The mini's parked outside.

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

What's better than finding money in your pant's pocket?

Spoiler

The Holocaust

[Unknown]

This is one of my favourites

A man walks into a bar and asks the Barman "Could I have a beer please?"
The barman replies "Sure, that will be £1/$1"
The man looks at him suspiciously. Then he asks: "Could I have some chips please?"
The barman replies "Sure, that will be £1/$1"
The man asks: "Could I see the manager please?"
The barman replies "He's busy in his room with my wife."
The man asks: "What is he doing with your wife?"
The barman replies "The same thing I'm doing with his business"

It never get's old

[Radspakr Wolfbane]

Suburbia.Where they cut down trees and name the streets after them.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother.

Edited by Radspakr, 12 August 2011 - 12:49 PM.

[Neth]

Haldir's are epic

[Puppeteer]

Strange. I didn't find any of them funny.

[Mathijs]

Haldir seems to be a great proponent of the anti-joke. As it turns out, so am I.

What's about 25 centimeters long with a red head that makes women scream?

A stillborn.

[Unknown]

What's long and hard and full of seamen?


A Sumbarine!

[Bashkuga]

Time for normal jokes people

[Two homeless people made a camp. One was asleep for 3 hours and one was awake. Suddenly the second homeless said:

Wake up! Wake up!"

First homeless: What is it?

Second homeless: It's midnight already, let's go to sleep.]

I really liked this one when i was younger

Now the anti ones

[Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry]

[Yo mama is so fat, when she died Jesus couldn't lift her soul up to Heaven]

Edited by Fredius, 14 August 2011 - 07:11 PM.

[Mathijs]

No, no. Those are not anti-jokes.

Here,

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

And,

Three black men walk into a bar. One orders a beer, the other a martini, and the other an appletini. The barkeeper hands them their drinks and they all have a wonderful evening.

Or,

What's worse than finding out your wife cheated on you?

A bathtub full of dead babies.

Edited by Matias, 14 August 2011 - 07:19 PM.

[NewErr]

Uhh, that last one was very sick .

How do you confuse a blond?
Tell her to stand in the corner of a round room.

I always liked this one.

[Unknown]

Yo Momma Jokes

Yo momma is so fat that when she went sky diving, everybody thought she was a solar eclipse!
Yo momma is so fat that when she goes to the beach, all the whales start singing: "We are family"!
Yo momma is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed 5 comercials!
Yo momma is so fat that every time she turns around it's her birthday!

Yo momma is so old that she provides milk powder!

Yo momma is so ugly that when she went to a haunted house, she came out with a job application!
Yo momma is so ugly that when she dropped you off at school, the teacher said: "It's not show and tell today"!

Yo momma is so stupid that she climbed over a transparant wall to see what was on the other side!

I have many more

[Unknown]

A boy goes to a blondes house and leaves his phone there when he leaves.
The next day, the blonde said to the boy: "You left your phone at my house. I tried to ring you to tell you but you wouldn't pick up"

[Bashkuga]

me + english = bad

haha those yo mama jokes from unknown are awesome

[Unknown]

me + english = bad

haha those yo mama jokes from unknown are awesome

Why thank you

Yo momma so fat that when she went to burger king, she ordered the burger on the sign

[Unknown]

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so dumb that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, No Professionals."
Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Yo momma so poor she stole a free sample!

Yo momma so old she owes Jesus $2!
Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch!

Yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare!
Yo momma so short she models for trophys.
Yo momma so short she doesn't roll dice, she pushes them!

Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

[Bashkuga]

What's the biggest nightmare of a Jew?

Free ham